Re: im in love with a married man

Ladies...let me share a moment and hopefully you will learn from my mistake/s.

We were inseperable from the moment we met. He had keys to my place, I hade keys to his. We were ALWAYS together. About a year into our relationship I found out that I was pregnant. Knowing that he did not want children as he and his "ex-wife" already had two and he was much older than myself. I tiold him and he responded as I thought he would. He chased me out of his house and I cried all the way home. Later that evening he came over to talk to me about everything. I was in no way prepared to hear what he wanted to talk about. He was a high ranking officer in the marine corps where we lived BTW. He apologized for being a jerk earlier and i accepted. Then he told me why he behaved so badly. I couldn't beleive that the man i just knew I was going to spend the rest of my life with was actually married and moving into a new home in another state in two months time. My heart was so broken b/c I did everything for him. Spent all my time alone thinking about him and all that other stuff new lovers do. I did what I swore to God I would never do and ended the pregnancy...what else could I do? I was young. He and I spent as much time together as possible before he left. On the day he left we spoke of our relationship as if in past tense. I cried for two weeks straight until I got his phone call. He was crying and begging me to visit him and that he would make it very special. I agreed and went that weekend. We did this for a year. I freaking moved...like an idiot. He of course told me that his marriage was complete crap and that he was going to make me number one really soon. 7 years and two children with him later he calls yesterday to tell me that he was going to make a clean start with his wife and that I should not look to him for support, emotional or otherwise. To tell you the truth I am ok with it. I have had nothing but lonely holidays and endless lonely nights waiting for this jackass to make good with his promises. Our youngest is 3 weeks old and oldest is almost 3 years old. I decided that it's for the best b/c our 3 year old is starting to realize that daddy isn't around as much as she wishes he was and doesn't understand why she can't be with him everyday like she is with me. He would make dates with me and then never show up and make me feel like I was being selfish when I wanted to spend Christmas with him. My vacations alone with our daughter were never fun. She would have been feeling the same way as I did for so long and that's not good for a little one. As far as the baby is concerned he has only spent 4 days with him since he was born...that speaks volumes. My advice is to not be stupid like me and waste so much time on someone who tells you that you make him feel alive and loved, because no matter what he will be the only one to feel that way until he decides that he needs another change. You are too special girls. Don't let lies and bad judgement rule your lives.

Woops! I am dating a married man, too. I miss him and think of him all the time. Have I fallen for him? Maybe. The only thing is that I don't have sad feelings, though. I know some of you don't agree with me. He is married, but he does provide me lots of happniess and fits my current busy schedule greatly. His presence makes me believe that there are excellent men in this world, I and him just don't have a fate. But, there are other men. And, he does boosts my energy toward other areas of my life. And, I knew this is just an affair, but I think it's beautiful,too. I did not take him for his money or fame, but purely love. Of course, life is complicated and exciting! Things happens! So what? Don't look down on your self because of this..You will know yourself better next time when you meet your Mr. right! My point is everything has a bright site and try to get the most of it and be strong! good luck! believe in love!

I know the typical scenario... that he's just using me to get his needs met ect, but what if that's not the case? Couldn't it be possible for someone to make a mistake, to marry the wrong person? We hadn't met each other when he got married. I know I was engaged and almost made the mistake of marrying another guy. Isn't it possible that true love can come along late? He was so depressed, I hadn't heard him laugh in months, and now since we've been romantic friends (non-physical) he's been smiling, laughing, and both of us our enjoying life more. I do have certain moral qualms about taking things to the next level, but doesn't love conquer all?

hey, i loved what you had to say. I'm 18, and ive been dating this guy for about 11 months, i feel like we are so good for eachother, I know i'm young, but i think i'm really in love, i know this doesn't have to do with anything you said, but i just really liked what you had to say. thanks

leave him he will hurt you he should be woth you know your just a piece of ass wake up hun

i'm currently dealing with a similar situation...i love him with all my heart and he feels the same but it's so hard sometimes.

please dont allow it , stop it as soon as possible before it get too far and out of control, u owe it to urself girl,

hey my married man is getting the altematen big time if they lie to there wife they will lie to u well see be very cautious girls

Its amazing the number of women in love with married man. I am one of you. I really hope i can break out of this. I have been in this for 3 years now. It just never gets better. Maybe im just weak. I guess the only way is to break all contact. Wish you all luck.

lol im 18 and was love wit a married man. asked him to leave his wife if he wanted, he said, he'd do it..but haven't seen anything for over a year. but at the same tiem, woudln't live me, i finally attempted suicide, and let him know, i do love him, but i just aint willing to be his side dish whenever he feels like it to use me

It's good to know that atleast I am not alone on this tho it feels it at times. I dated a married man for 2 years. I didn't know until 6 months into the relationship that he was married with 2 kids. I guess everyone knows how it makes you feel to find that out. After 2 years we broke up - he knew it wasn't fair to me but we were / are so in love. We were apart for 4 years tho we never lost touch. We emailed from time to time and had I received the occasional phone call from him. I thought about him everyday. He says he did the same. Last september, after losing contact for about a year, he called me at work outta the blue and we have been back together ever since. Before, I was younger and its almost like things didn't bother me much then but now I get it...and I am so in love with him but at the same time I am crying everyday because the one person I love more than anything who claims the same about me is the one person hurting me so badly. I know what I should do, we ALL know what we should do but I don't know how to find the strength to do it. Losing all contact with him would just break my heart. I feel like such an emotional wreck lately.

my dear its only a matter of time that u will realise that u have been used as a sex material and comforting zone of problems. he doesnt love u like the way u love him ,it not fair to love and not to be loved back , so wake up darling there are real handsome men waiting for u out there, ur such a young person, who is vibrant and sexy to get any single man out there.get out of that relationship while u stil can i know is hard my dear i have been there, i came to this site and found advise from this site so im now living a free life from my married man, i gut a new boyfriend who loves me completely and believes in me,so the same can happen to u,but only if u try it

i have been seeing a married man for about two years now and we have a little baby together he is 4 months old and this guy has been promising me for two years that he would leave his wife and he still hasnt what should i do?

my dear what i can tell u is that , that guys he doesnt love u and he will never leave his wife for u, no matter u have a child with him, how long have he been promising u to leave his wife? do enjoy calling him at certain times and other times u dont have to call?times like when is with his family, ur just his mistress and ur helping him to comfort himself when his life is up sidesown. please do u baby and urself a baby, get a guy who loves u and who will move the mountain for u, having a baby with him wont change anything between u.take ur life to the nesxt level ,if he loves u he will follow, my dear i know is not easy it is hard, i have been there and i know the feeling, ur baby needs a father and ur the only one who can make sure that ur baby is fathered,being a father to a baby doesnt mean u have to be related by blood, u can be a sperm donor and not be the father, so move while ur baby is still youngs so u can find a the new father. why did u have to bear such crisis?u owe urself much, so make it up to urself and find happiness, dont be scared to be alone, ur baby needs ur well being more than he needs u. do whats best for both of u. u dont wana hurt another woman, or complicate ur life

u shuld move on with ur life for the sake of ur own happiness and ur baby,he is not worth the trouble u have been through ,,, raising ur baby without the father in the house. think about it, ur the only one who is responsible for ur own happiness, i hate the fact that u allow someone to hurt u and yet u agree to settle for less. my dear they are lot of young single guys out there who need u and u trapped urself in a cage. plz set urself free.let go, i know it hurts but it wont last.he cheated his wife with u and believe me i can tell u that there are some other ladies that he is cheating with except u. so u dont wana get HIV/AIDS from him. ur life is worth more than anything in this world, plz wake away and while is still early so u may not regert for the rest of ur life,

see when i first met him he told me he was planning on getting a divorce but we were just friends in the beginning and it turned out to be more than that and i have never loved a person as much as i love him if hes not with me im constantly thinkging about him and the funny part is is that his wife knows that me and him have a baby and that he cheated on her and she is still with him but he told me that he has never cheated on a woman until now and that he should of never mariied her cause he wasnt inlove with her she was just good to him and she wanted to get married not him and he promises me that hes going to leave her this summer and be with me and our baby but i dont really believe anything till i see it cause he has been telling me for 2 years now that he was gonna leave her and he still hasnt

At my age, I should know better than to be a part of this group, but sometimes love comes as a surprise. We have been business friends for a few years then one day realized that we are in love. I know nothing about his marriage but I don't think it is unhappy. We see each other when possible; phone, and email everyday, and fantasize how we'd like it to be. We treasure our friendship so the physical part will end soon so that we may keep the loving friendship. He'll stay married, we'll stay friends and I'll eventually have a love relationship, with a single man, because I now know that I want that in my life. He reminded me how wonderful it is to love and be loved by a wonderful man - I'm sure he's not the only one out there!!!!

Just an example from my experience. A friend of mine was seeing a married man and she was very unhappy. He said he would leave his wife but didn't. She asked me for advice and I said to give him an ultimatum: he left his wife or he stopped seeing her. It took a few months without communication between them, then he did divorce his wife, they are now together and both very happy. If he had not been prepared to leave his wife it would basically be a way of saying: You come second place in my life. No-one should settle for that. If he really loves you not his wife, or himself (!) best, then he will make the right decision. It takes courage but is the only solution unless you are prepared to live in constant uncertainty or else to always take second place (or even third). Good luck out there.

Thanks ladies! This is helping me a lot...I am in the same boat currently. I have been in a relationship with a married man (I myself am also married). We work together. He of course is older than I am. His excuse for staying...waiting until his teenage daughters finish high school, which should be about 3 years from now. He claims that his wife and he are just going through the motions and they are talking about divorce after the kids finish school. He tells me he loves me, can't live without me, I'm his soulmate. He wants to be with me and raise a family. I have been reading website after website and I know that all of what he says is just talk, but it is killing me to think about leaving him alone. I ask myself everyday what is the purpose of this relationship, how could it ever go anywhere? As sson as I think about telling him goodbye, he does something that keeps holding me back. He claims that he has never done anything like this before, but I want to know what makes me so special that after all these years, he found his soul mate in me. The part that is rough the most is that I tell myself all of these things...the same things that are being said here...but I find it so unbearable to leave. Its crazy. But this feels so good to finally be able to talk to someone else about this...I really needed this...

I am currently in a long-term relationship and have just come out of a five month fling with a friend, who happens to be married with a kid on the way.

I am not proud of the relationship and in fact it has caused me a lot of grief. However, we have had a crush on each other for years and years and the man in question has made advances to me on several occasions before he got married two years ago.

During our relationship, I discovered I had very deep feelings for him and the chemistry was just perfect between us. We'd meet up in town about 6pm and stay out till 4/5am just so we could be together, wherever it was. We ended up falling in love with each other. This has to some extent nearly ruined our friendship. The wife is now due to give birth and they are moving away soon after.

My relationship with my partner has suffered to the point that I became withdrawn and distracted. I no longer have sexual feelings towards him either. Because of this, I told him what was going on and he freaked.

I have now ended the relationship with the married man. He said anyway that he was looking forward to having his child and wouldn't leave his wife 'out of responsibility for her and the expected child'. He has not told his wife of the affair and seems to have got away from this whole thing a lot better than me.

I am now in a situation where I am having a put together the pieces of my life. My partner and i are in difficulties and I have lost an important friendship, which will never be the same again.

My advice on having a relationship with a married man is this: if he is not prepared to leave his wife/family within the first three months of the relationship developing, the chances are he will not leave his wife at all. Irrespective of whether he is happy with her or not. If this occurs, your time is being wasted and time is precious.

Try and find somebody else to tail off the harmful relationship. The more emotional energy you pour into making positive changes, the more power you will then hold overall.

You guys just gotta stop b4 u get hurt.

I fill really bad for ya and i hope your life gets better in the future.

HI LADIES , I RECENTLY WAS DATING A MARRIED MAN FOR 5 MONTHS BUT I HAD NO IDEA HE WAS MARRIED UNTILL HIS WIFE CALLED ME , OVER THESE MONTHS I HAVE DEVELOPED STRONG FEELINGS FOR HIM. I LOVE HIM , AND I AM HURTING , BECAUSE HE DECIEVED ME AND LIED AND TOLD ME EVERYTHING I WANTED TO HEAR, I DONT KNOW IF I HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH HIM OR HIS LIES , AFTER ME AND HIS WIFE SPOKE ON THE PHONE , I HAD NOT SPOKEN TO HIM IN 3 OR 4 DAYS, BUT FINALLY HE CALLED ME AND ALL HE COULD SAY WAS THAT HE WAS SORRY AND HE DIDNT MEAN TO HURT ME THAT I MADE HIM HAPPY AND THAT HE CARES ABOUT ME , I KNOW THAT IT IS A LIE BUT I WANT SO BAD TO BELIEVE HIM , I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT HIM EVERYDAY , ALL DAY I CANT SLEEP OR EAT , AND I REALLY WANT HIM BACK , AND NOW THAT I KNOW HE IS MARRIED IT WILL BE WRONG FOR ME TO PERSUE HIM , BUT I LOVE HIM , AND I WANT TO BE WITH HIM , LADIES WHAT SHOULD I DO?

I'm also happy I found this site. I've been going out with a married man for five months. I know I should've asked him more questions. My friend who introduced me to him had told me when I asked her if he was married that he was, but that they were just together for their kid who is five. By that I assumed they each agreed to see other people. I told him before seeing him that I wasn't looking for a fling but a serious relationship. First two weeks he would spend time with me, and after that it was less. I realized then he was sneaking from his wife and he wasn't in the situation I had supposed he was. I told him I was going to leave the relationship because I didn't want to spend my life sharing someone, breaking a family or sneaking around. He said he loved me and he would work something out but nothing's happened. He says to wait about 5 years. He's getting his ph degree, (plus his wife makes twice the moeny I make) and he's helping out his nieces through college in South Africa. I doubt his love sometimes but then I try to understand he's not in a situation to leave his wife right now. He says he doesn't love her and he thanks me for making him believe in love again. It's difficult now to let go because I developed strong feelings for him and he knows it. I do want to leave but I can't seem to find the strenght. I asked him why he walked into my life if he knew his situation? He says he didn't think, he just followed his emotions. I'm so mad too, I feel like talking to his wife about it to clear my doubts.

hi, all i am too in love with a married man, he is 10 years older then me. i have a son he has a baby who is 1 years old, a daughter 12 and a older son from the first marriage who is 16. we started off as such great friends, talking all the time this has been going on and off for over 5 months. i am not married but i have been with the same man for 15 years/ i fell head over heals for him, just talking to him and the things he use to say to me made me feel so special. him and his wife have not been getting along way before me so he says he has broken my heart over 4 times and he just did this again tonight. we spent a whole night together last night talking and hanging out, things were great then all of a sudden he ran cold on me. again. i am so upset right now but i know i am better then he is. he didn't even have the balls to tell me he wrote a letter to me and left it in my car door. how do you do this to someone you love. or say you do. i felt guilty all these months not only to my partner but his wife i put her in my shoes and i know that would be devasting. i told him time after time before then to stay with her but each and every time they would fight or not work something out he would run to me. not anymore... like i said i am better than that. so if this would help any of you i have never had a broken heart like the one i do have right now, i don't know if it is broken or i am just mad. the only thing that really sucks out of this is we work together and i have to see him once in a while but i will not give him the time of day anymore. and to top it all off what kind of women would keep taking her husband back after he told her he is in love with another woman and that we made love. i should as hell would not. i learned from this mistake. good luck to you all and if you are thinking about it or involved get out before you feel the pain and resentment that i do right now.

I apologize for my english, it is not very good.

Me too. I'm in love with a MM. I met him @ work, about two years ago. I knew since day one that he was engaged to this girl, and that he was going to marry her soon. In fact he did, and I even went to his wedding.
At first, he was just a friend. I did not even like him. We started chatting on i.m, and as the good flirter he is, he began decoding the way to reach my heart, and boy he reached it fast!!!!
We've never kissed nor have sex, it is all platonic love. I know he likes me, and now more than ever I have fall for him like crazy. All I can think is to kiss him and have sex with him, but he doesn't dare to initiate an approach, and neither do I. All we do is talk, talk, talk on instant messaging, and he blows my mind. He is so freaking smart that he controls me. He knows what I think, what I want. Sometimes I feel am his hamster and he plays with me as he wants. During this time, i have been able to get away from him, stop talking, but after a while, he starts talking again, and being nice, and it kills me!!!
It kills me more, because i'm a strong woman who has fight really hard in life. I'm only 26, but I have always been strong, and i have never let any guy mess up with me like that, so why i'm I letting him do this? I'm angry. very angry.

I have been deeply involved with a married man for three years now. Crunch time came when he gave me too many deadlines for leaving his wife and yet no sign of. i went round to his house, told his wife everything. his wife collapsed in tears and begged me, "please, he's my husband, the love of my life, would you please mind leaving him alone?"

well, you can imagine how enraged I was to be spoken to with a request like that. i took one look at her and punched her so hard she flew back against her refrigerator. ladies, we can all agree, when wives ask you to treat them as human beings and to respect the sanctity of their marriages, they're asking for two things too many.

Ladies-

If the man is married and is seeing you then truth be told He's not that into you.

Because in his eyes your a second to his wife...The women he said his vows too.
Like a video game- you're his little toy.

Don't settle for second place....That's what you are doing when your dating a mrried man.

If you value yourself you wouldn't be involoved with one.

He has no repsect for you and yes he will sing some lovely songs... but they are all lies...

1. A married man ain't gonna divorce his wife for you... so don't believe it. I don't care how much he claims to love you... He will divorce his wife for his own gain. It's NOT ABOUT YOU

2. If you can't be seen in public with him or call him when ever you feel like... Does it no make you feel cheap?

3. If theres children envolved and he's still seeing you... What does that make you? SELFISH just like Him. Do note that he won't give up his baby girl to be with you... so foget it.....

4. Put yourself in the wife shoes... How would you feel if your husband is making up lies and cancelling dates for a piece of A$$?
How would you feel if your child is sick and your husband strolls in smelling of perfume and not caring
How would you feel if he is constantly lying?

5.MARRIED MEN that CHEATS are worse then SCUM and if you are dating one guess what you're right along side of him.

6.You should value yourself- mentally physically and emotionally. Know that you are a Queen and your worth more then a late night phone call and being in the shadow.

Those of you who are interested in getting into a relationship with a married man.. .Think hard about it.

Let him know " You're not going to piss on this tree for you kicks. If you want to be with me- Come to me with the divorce papers signed. until then I have no time to play you little cheap A$$ games.

Married men that cheats see the girl their cheating with as a piece of meat something entertaining... Nothing serious at all. If it was he would have been divorced his wife.

think about it

but he made luv to me and he said he loved me

good day to all!! I'm glad that I am not alone in this situation.I am in a relatioship with a married man for almost a year and a half. He's 24 years older than me, 20 years in marriage and with 5 kids. I knew from the very start that he is married but still I fell in love with him. He does say that he can't leave his family but he can love me for the rest of his life. I love him so much that's why I accept every little thing in him. I can't leave him, his my life, my everything. We almost see each other, from monday to saturday except for sunday b/c he spent time to his kids. He told me that he doesn't love his wife and the only reason he stay is because of the kids. At the back of my head, someone tells me that I have to leave him but in my heart I can't. We have the same circle of friends and all of them knew our relationsip, they also knew how much we love each other. I dont know, but I still wait for the right time. I really love him and I also believe that he truly loves me.

Message to all: Unless you are ignorant and not wanting to understand why you are doing what you are.

When I read about your horrid stories and what came visually clear to me was this: THE SWEET SHOP IS OPEN AND SAW THIS GENUINE, BEAUTIFUL CANDY PEERING BACK AT HIM CRYING OUT TO BE EATEN - HE DOES THEN THROWS AWAY THE WRAPPER ONCE HE IS DONE. This is kind of like what affairs are about to satisfy male, temporary needs because indeed, his needs with you were temporary and full of wrongful deceit.

It is truly appaling that men choose to cheat rather than settle for monogamy with the woman he has made a committment. Somone who isn't happy, has deeper personal issues that are not even to do with his marriage but to do with unresolved issues to do with their childhoods and relationships from his earlier life that are merley brought into the marriage later on. Many blame their marriages for their problems but in fact, they go on a much deeper level than this and usually can be traced back to their childhood years.

IMPORTANT:

Our upbringing is what determines our values, our behaviours and beleifs into adult life and women who are nurturing and loving, ultimatley attract men who have issues simply because in some way they feel that they can help them out of their dispair little realizing that it is not the fact or the case that many are not in unhappy marriages at all - this is a mask for what lies beneath the issues.

I have never dated a married man nor had an affair but I was almost tempted once, though I saw it for what it was from the beginning - A reason to nurture and care for someone who wouldn't do the same back. But I never quite fancied the idea of being shared with anyone like I had to share my father's attention as a child with other siblings. I thus, grew up to want one single man available to me only and would loathe the idea of sharing love and just wouldn't do it because it would bring back all of the past feelings of hurt and rejection I certainly wouldn't want now as an adult.

The women having these affairs are not dealing with their own underlying reasons as to why they are willing and prepared to share another person and somone who isn't available to be more than just a comfort zone to them. People with healthy loving and nurtured backgrounds don't have the same need to have an affair because they value themselves far too much and haven't grown up being rejected and made to feel unworthy of love as children (proven in psychology) - they are less inclined to have an affair. The women in this thread have issues relating to their own childhood backgrounds where they have been either rejected or felt unloved as children - this is very clear.] - THIS IS ABOUT HAVING LOW SELF-ESTEEM.

These feelings are then carried through into adulthood and then projected onto men who are looking to escape from their own personal issues. Here you have two people who really beleive that the world has brought them together because and only because there is a recognized and mutual need to eliminate painful issues of past hurt they are trying to resolve through escapism. Many people will argue that it is true romance and true undying love, and I too have convinced myself of the same thing. However, it is none of these things no matter what you tell yourself. It is pure and simple: to escape from underlying personal issses.

These men aren't in touch with their feelings because they are shut down because only people who have affairs can be shut down. No one in their right mind would consider betraying anyone's trust but because they are not willing to be truthful to themselves why they are having these affairs (honestly), the lie perpetuates itself. These men cannot possibly feel anything for any of you when they are shut down from themselves. If they were totally aware of their reasons and issues and why they are having an affair, they would not be doing what they are in the first place because they would then be 'in touch' with who they are.

Reading the psychology on men would truly help women understand why men choose to have affairs and I am a qualified psychologist to know where I am coming from.

Women who are having affairs usually have very low self esteem and don't beleive in themselves. THEY ARE SCREAMING OUT: PLEASE LIKE ME! - I WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU TO LOVE ME! - TRUTH: Men who are likley to have an affair will always choose a woman who doesn't feel great about herself because this will create feelings of unconscious GUILT in her and make it more possible for her to hang onto him - this is his objective and HE IS VERY CONSCIOUS OF WHAT HE IS DOING, so spending time analyzing his motives and doubting them, you are perpetuating a false beleif that he couldn't possibly build me up in this way. He can and does do this like the candy wrapper. Men are quite intuitive and can pick out a NEEDY or low-self esteemed woman easily so don't be fooled that it is chemistry and work of the gods that has brough you together. The only thing that has brought you together is your willingness to be treated in this way and his need to escape from other subconscious issues too.

PLEASE LOVE ME, BE WITH ME are all ways you are projecting (unconsciously) a need that he knows that he cannot fulfill and will be frightened by the prospect of committing anything else of himself to anyone that has such strong emotional needs (besides the willingness to have an affair)and so even if he were not having an affair with you, and was interested as a single man, he would still not be prepared to be committed because men fear women who have low self esteems because they come accross as needy and this is the one thing men fear the most and what genuine men would not attempt to abuse a vulnerable woman. If you are screaming these things in your mind (your need to be loved) then you will be carrying unresolved issues of not being loved in childhood and you are still carrying these feelings now and the reason as to why you are having an affair is because you feel that an avalaible man would not choose you as a partner because you feel worthless of anything better.

This is where the damge is and where you need to do some work on yourselves. You will attract the right man and available one once you are honest with yourself and prepared to commit to start building your self esteem where it has been damaged. There is nothing shameful about having low-self esteems, women do and why there are so many workshops and self-help books and councellors around to help women break the issues that are drawing them to things like affairs. This is why they generally are inclined to have them.

Yes, your adulterer may grow to share intimacy with you, but on the whole, he is calculating and is in fact emotionally abusing and manipulating the woman into having the affair by grooming her interest in him gradually - IF SHE SUCCUMBS TO HIS CHARMS, HE WILL SEE HER AS EASY BAIT REGARDLESS OF ANY AFFECTION HE MAY/MAY NOT FEEL BUT CERTAINLY DOES NOT RESPECT NOT LOVE THE WOMAN HAVING THE AFFAIR- she really beleives that he is genuinley in love. He is not and has no intention of providing committment nor stability nor love. He will secretley disrespect you for having the affair as will read you as having loose moral values (many men rarley talk about their values but there have been numerous scientific tests on men that prove that he will disrespect a woman more if she is willing to have an affair knowing that he is married) - The truth is startling and the man you are with right now, is not in love nor does he respect or care for you.

This is painful to hear for anyone but this is the truth and many tests on men have been done over the years to prove me very right and I also know from personal experiences that men generally would settle down with a woman who is stronger in her moral values than ones who arent. Men who are married will usually stay married unless it isn't working out and if he is any sort of man who is healthy in his values, will not cheat his wife. One who does does not respect himself nor the woman he is cheating let alone his wife.

This is very worthwhile reading and have compiled this to help you women put things into perspective and see things in the true light they really are. Well done to those who have overcome an affair and for choosing to not allow someone to treat you this way and to like yourself much more. It is very hard to break the cycle and you all deserve so much better than to be treated this way but the longer you allow yourselves to be, the more you are inviting pain and rejection and disrespect from the very men you think loves you but they do not.

Ask a man 'so what kind of woman do you respect?' - You will be amazed at how many men will always choose a woman unlikley to have an affair. Even married men will not choose to have a long term relationship with a woman outside of his marriage if she is 'open' to having an affair. So, all you are doing is inviting men married or not, into seeing you in a light you don't want to be seen in. Stop the affairs and start respecting yourself more and then men who are available to you will come running in their hundreds!

I liked the peice that somone in this thread wrote this: Unless he came to me with his divorce papers all signed first, I wouldn't even contemplate anything with a married man. - THIS IS WHAT ALL WOMEN CONTEMPLATING AN AFFAIR OUGHT TO BE THINKING - NOT: HE WILL EVENTUALLY LEAVE HER. He will never leave his wife for someone who is prpared to have an affair with him no matter what you will convince yourself. I KNOW HE LOVES ME is not enough to make the facts what they are and IN FACT, he does not, never will love you and his marriage is not based on a sham because if it were, then not only would he left by now despite the children, but also that his whole life is one big lie and cheating on his lover and his wife and chaeting himself. THESE ARE THE FACTS and this is what you need to keep bearing in mind each time you think about spedning any more time with someone who will never give you what you are deserving of.

You have some personal issues you need to be dealing with if you really beleive that someone having an affair with you is in love with you. This is more like a cry for help and a strong need to let go of some painful issues pertaining to your own past that keep you in this state of deceit. He is running away from something also but that is his responsibility he needs to sort out - you are not responsible for his feelings and he will not respect you for trying to help him continue the affair he is using to run away from his issues.

Men are not encouraged by society or taught to talk about their feelings as women are and so have affairs as a means of expressing distress where they can't deal with their issues and so it is an escape. What women then do is help the adulterer to continue in his deceit rather than do the appropriate thing and to shut the door firmly on these men who often, years later, break down and find other self-destructive patterns of behaviour to engage themselves in.

Women helping adulterers need to resolve their own personal issues before they can have a normal healthy available relationship. Your life will be miserable and very lonley the longer you are willing to keep up with this affair and will only serve to cause more desturction and hurt in the longer run. Be free of this abusive cycle of behaviour and start to realize your self worth even if it means going to self-esteem building classes. Do everything you can to change these behaviours that are causing untold misery. You will look back and be proud and finally feel you have control over your life and your decisions and won't need to pursue the affections of someone who is simply feeding you crumbs.

CRUMBS ARE FOR BIRDS - NOT HUMANS.

For women who were duped into the affairs unknowingly, the same applies. You are still considering pursuing feelings that he will never return and is only going to add to your low self-esteem that you must have if you are contemplating how you are going to base your self-worth on men who give crumbs - not love and committment. You need to ask yourselves ' so what kind of woman does this man respect?'. - Help yourselves and don't be duped any further.

Finally: Confronting wives is not the solution or where the anger truly belongs. Sure you are angry and so you should be, but at the one who has betrayed your trust and perhaps at yourselves for allowing what has happened to have taken place. Direct and channel that anger into building up your self-worth because revenge is not the answer, nor physical violence. Just learn from the mistakes and move on - get help and support for your low self-esteem that the affair is not responsible for creating. You came into the affair already with it but just allowed yourself to be treated in the ways you have been. The adulterer isn't responsible for you not saying 'no' to having the affair - only for perpetuating a false sense of security and happiness.

Your work is to now turn your experiences around and make posiitve changes to your life and re-establish the good things you value the most about yourself. Start getting your self-worth back because this is where the root cause of your own behaviours is causing you to allow others to treat you in these ways and if I am wrong, then so is the entire mass of psychologists worldwide who counsel women and men who have had affairs, so what I am saying is truthful advice I am freely giving to help women I genuinley feel do these things because inside they do not like nor accept themselves.

Hey there everyone. I've been staring at this site for days, contemplating whether or not i should write my story, its one of severe cliche. I dont know what to do anymore, i try to go on with my life, get over this man who completly screwed me up, but i cant. i can't even cry over it, although i wish i could so that i could let some emotion out, maybe then i'd be able to start the process of moving on.
I was seventeen when i met him. He was drop dead gorgeous, funny, great personality, and i developed a crush on him from the get go. Ace would come into my work place and i would shake, he had the strangest effect on me. I could barely put sentences together around him. he was older than me, about 25, but i never fathomed that anything would happen with him,it started out innocently enough. He became a sort of fantasy for me, i never would've thought that he had feelings for me, and i was ok with it, i just liked looking forward to seeing him and having the short conversations, the very subtle flirting, because i was too shy to outright flirt. as some time went on my small crush developed, a lot. He started coming in a bit more, i tried to flirt more. This went on for nearly a year, and as life would have it, i met another man, steve, who i wasnt interested in in the least, but we became friends. After months of just 'hanging out' it turned out that steve was actually ace's brother. I thought it was terrible, god was pulling strings in my life, dangling ace in front of me, 'you want him, you can almost grasp him, but nope, you cant. you're friends with his brother, but nope, nothing of the sort with ace, just short conversations every few weeks when he decides to come in.'
I thought my luck had changed when a mutual friend invited me to come along to vegas- ace and steve would be joining us as well. a relatively big group of us went, in a limo, drinking, talking, having fun. That night, through an overheard conversation, i learned that ace had a wife. He had gotten his girlfriend pregnant and they were rushed into marriage a mere few weeks before our trip. I was shattered, but i accepted it. There was nothing i could do about it. As much as i cared about him, all i had was little instances of flirting and my feelings, i was sure they were one sided anyway.
That night changed everything and has left me empty and vulnerable.
We spent the first part of the night talking. A bit drunk, we bonded and spoke more than we had ever had. we got to know eachother. We snuck away into another room at the hotel to talk, but as time progressed he attempted to kiss me. i pushed him away, i couldnt do something like that. he was married. he would regret this in the morning. i would regret it. why start something that will hurt so many when we can stop it now. But he kept trying. He told me how much he felt for me, how when he came into my work place he was always looking for me, but he didnt allow himself to talk too much to me, to get too close to me, because he was afraid if he did he wouldnt be able to control his feelings. He kept trying to kiss me, to hold me, but i held my ground. He asked me what he could do to change my mind and i told him to come back when he wasnt married. we sat in silence for a bit. my head told me to be strong, not to give in. but my heart told me to kiss him. to let him hold me. i wanted him so much. i had never felt such a tear between my head and my heart. he asked me if i would lay down with him, so we turned down the lights and lay there, my head on his stomach, in silence, both of us trying to fight our feelings. that didnt last too long, and before i knew it we were undressed and having sex. We had sex twice that night. he held me, kissed me, everywhere i wanted, needed to be. As terrible as my actions were, i tried to push my guilt aside.
After that night he came into my work place almost everyday looking for me. asking about me when i wasnt there. i couldnt understand what he was thinking, what did he want? he was taken, about to be a father, i didnt fit in anywhere in his life.
It's been almost two months since that night and i rarely see him. i dont work at the same place anymore so we barely run into eachother. The last time i saw him we spoke for a few hours, nothing too personal because a friend of mine was there. he kept mentioning his wife in a negative way, but also implying that he had to work on his marriage.
Did he ever really have feelings for me? Did he just use me because he was horny and drunk? Had he ever cheated on his wife before? was this just a normal thing for him? Did he regret sleeping with me, was i a big mistake to him? all these questions never fail to clutter my mind, questions i wish i could ask him but would never be able to get out.
his child was born a few weeks ago, and although he has my number (i dont have his) he has never bothered to use it. although i would never ask him to leave his child and his wife, i know nothing can happen between us anymore, i dont expect it to, i cant seem to get over him. i cant stop thinking about him, i cant find any other men interesting because all i do is compare them to him. I know its pointless to hold on to these feelings, i get nothing out of them other than pain and confusion, but i cant get rid of them. maybe i cant get over him because he is only the second man i have ever made love to. but I just want to move on with my life, to be happy again. but i cant. everything reminds me of him and every reminder depresses me.

any good advice?

do something totally different, to give yourself a positive life experience you wouldn't have had but for the end of the relationship. be tough with yourself.

I am a married man who is in love with a not married woman. I am 33 and she is 25. I knew before that I would never cheat on my wife. And somehow I even did not realise how it happened I fell in love with another woman. I tried to hide this feeling deep inside myself for a year. I was even ashamed about what I felt. And I never told that anyone. Three months ago we start to send e-mails to each other and it became flirting. I was in so desire to let her know about my feelings that I could not restrain myself. I could not sleep well and could not eat. My wife noticed changes in my behaviour but she thought I had crisis or depression of being unemployed (I was for couple of months). Finally I took my lady out and told her about my feelings. She was flattered. It was very romantic and ended with having sex. We saw each other a few times. She told me that she is in love with me as well. And that was really nice. I think I never felt so nice before and will never do again.
I have a wife and 2 kids 11 and 5 yo. Our family is quite happy. My wife loves me. She is not in love with me – she never has been – but loves as normal wife. And I love her as well. But what I feel about the other woman is completely different. I feel like I want to care about her and I have strong desire to be with her and to have sex with her.
I try to be sincere. It was really difficult for me to lie to my wife. About month ago (it was 1.5 month after I started to have an affair) I told her about my other love. She cried and I was really sorry for her. The most horrible thing was that nothing was over, I was and I still am in passionate love. I told both my women that I have no intention to leave my family. And I do not want my kids to have even slightest idea about all that. My wife also does want me to leave. My wife met her and asked her to leave me because my wife thought that she was the only person who can break this thing and return everything back to normal. And she promised that, understanding that that will be better for me and my wife.
We met after that and had sex again. Now it looks like we are just friends. We can see each other. But also we both want to show our love to each other and to have sex. She wants to have a baby with me and I want that too. I do not know how (if be able) I will tell this to my wife. That would probably kill her. She suffered enough. We all suffered. I do not know how to resolve this situation. But I expect that it may end up with me and my wife living in distress and her living alone with my child (if not more then one).
I am a very strong person and selfish. I do not want to loose my wife and kids. And I want to have a baby with my love. But I also do not want her to live her life alone and suffer from not having normal family and loving husband.

Sorry this line
"about all that. My wife also does want me to leave. My wife met her and"
must read
... My wife also does not want me to leave. ...

Mr Married Man....why don't you just get a divorce because your ambivalence is nauseating...so you broke most of your marriage vows and your just going for the one 'till death do us part'...what a worm...what a coward...as I bet you can guess I was involved with a married man and I can relate to all of this....in the end, I just wish I knew how to put a curse on all you worms that lie to trusting women.

What a relief to hear that at least one woman is angry with me. It is pity though that this angriness is directed to many other men as well, and is not so constructive at solving my situation. I think, if a woman does not realize that every man thinks about ANOTHER woman (even if it is not true), then she would never be happy with any man because she would never understand a man. We can live in any world we want to create around us, but the reality will hurt us again and again trying to say "be sometimes more realistic". And the only way out is trying to be honest with yourself.

Ive been seeing this man for now 5 months. I have no idea what will happen. We dont tell each other we love each other but yet cant get enough of ourselves. I tried breaking things up a couple of weeks back and here I am back with him again. Its a connection Ive never had before. I will be real honest. I would love for him to leave her. After all, he is miserable with her. But now I have to deal with the fact that he just had a kid a couple of weeks back.
What do I do?
I want to forget about him but I cant seem to accomplish it. Im dating other guys but none compare to him. And I wonder, where will I be in the next year? Im scared, Im worried about myself.
Please help!

I have been seeing a married man for almost 5 years!! It's ironic because we live several blocks away from each other and belong to the same clubs. When we are not together we are constantly doing somthing to get a response from the other. For instance, we will say things by e-mail or text messagaing just to get a response out of each other. Or another example we go to the same clubs or gym. I wish I could break the cycle! I wish I could find the courage to tell him how I feel about him but I can't!

After his wife caught us the 1st time around she gives me dirty looks. She has to know that we still talk to each other since we always run into one another. She and my husband have caught us on more than a hadfull of times. I need to figure out how to break this off but its diffucult since the married man and I are on lots of Boards together. Although I wonder, we have been doing this for this long could there be an emotional connection between us? It can't be just for the sex although that is an added attribute of the situation!!

Any thoughts?

im seeing a married man too for 6 months! the first time we met... we've been friends. all i know that he has a son but i never thought that he was married not until his wife called me. i confrotned him, he told me that they were separated for 3 yrs but not yet legally, thats why he left the country a month ago to save money for the annulment. I love him so much and I know he does love me too.. since he already talk to my family about his status and his plan of marrying me after the annulment. HE even told his parent about us. now im hoping and praying that he will come back to me safe and marry. LAdies i wish you all the happiness to. LOVE = TRUST

Im very young and believe me I thought I was the only one to put herself or be caught in such a situation...I fell in love with this man who claims that he loves me too .... I question alot of things because I put myself in the position his wife is in and both situations are very scarey..he asks me if id rather be the mother of his kids or the woman that owns his heart HIS ''SOUL MATE'' i honestly didnt know what to answer seems like she was in a better position than me..gets to see him and spend more time with him which is what is important to me...
When i try to bottom line him he gives me reasurance that hes doing it but he wants to do it right because of the kids and their business...
is that another way to just keep me waiting an excuse because he s not sure as to what he really wants?

He's bullshitting you. He sounds a manipulative indivdual besides. He knows what you want to hear - are you goijng to let yourself be played or are you going to get out before your heart is broken?

well ....sometime love happen at the wrong time ...wrong place.....
i met a special guy...a real nice guy....and he is to honest to tell me that he is already married ( a newly married one ) and he stay on my country..to study...
we had a good talk that night......and it seem that we have something in common ......i enjoy talking with him
from then on....we keep seeing each other and exchanging message.....
maybe our relationship is just a pure friendship...
and i never expect any from him.........the good thing about him ..he allowed me to join with his company and meet all his friend in his country..(that boost my ego)
and one morning.....he is gone.....he back to his country..to his wife who is really sick ( honestly hearing this news...i wish the wife died and have him all my life ) im too selfish.....
and now im still waiting for him to come back
hoping that somebody........he choose me.......
wowwwwwww........i love him..not for what he had or have........but the person of who is......no matter how painful and risks im going through...
but i want him the best too.......his wife is a very good woman ,,i knew that they had a perfect relationship.....

you are foolish & a self-centered bitch! if you believe in karma you will forget about this married man. yuo don't realize that you are committing adultery... you will go to hell!!!

i was a married woman now ive filed for divorce. my man had cheated on me w/ the same woman 6xs. He always came back to me and in the end he left her for good and came back to me. He ended up being abusive and I left him when it all came down. But my point is the majority of the time, the man will go back to his wife. I see it over and over again. So be careful. Right now Im with a married man and Im having fun. Im not attached and never will be. I know at the end of the night he loves his wife enough to stay with her. He meets my needs and I meet his and thats it. Thanks for ya time.

thanks ...for your honest advise ....

yuck why wouls somebody admit that they are like making guys cheat dump em if u find out there fricken married or else u wont only hurt your elf but there going to hurt there family too u fat ass

what if this time..there is real love and you really meant to each other........
that u had the right love .......sorry to say ...at the wrong time and wrong place...hmmmm....what i say..it is not the physical need but more than that.....do u think loving a guy (married?) more than urself is wrong...and my soul will burn into hell........well it okey....the importance is that........i follow what i feel and if this is a sin.........then i died with it.......
i am not a self centered woman .......but i loved him with out expecting any in return......maybe ..maybe someday........i would understand it....well go for what u feel......

mind over matter!!!!!!

I am dating a married man who lives in another state. The twist is that im married myself. We met almost two years ago when i lived in the same state that he is in now. Before meeting me and my family planned to move out of state so i kept up with my plans. I often travel to see him although sometimes i regret it. I feel so bad leaving my family to run off and see this man that i know is probably seeing other people in his hometown anyway. Ive tried so many times to leave him alone but it is very hard to do. I just want to say that if you are the other woman i know how stressful it can be. I have my own family and i still get stressed out about the situation. A month or so ago i thought i was pregnant and of course i shared this with both my husband and the other man. Of course the other man didnt want to own up to anything. That event made me realize what i really meant to him. He says all these things but actually means something else. I am starting to see him in a different light although i should stop dealing with him i still continue. I know that at some point i will get him completly out of my system,i just hope that i dont lose my family in the process.

hi im 18 and i jus dumped my 35 yr old boss (married with 2 sons) i miss him terribly but hes not wirth loosing sleep over but its very awkward at work i cant even look him in the eye i am so ashamed of the 4 month affair thank god i didnt get pregnant and thank god nobody ever found out about the affair!!! i know what i did was wrong but he doesnt seem to think it was wrong at all at least i learned my lesson but to be honest i miss him a great deal cant get him outt my head!!!!

u going to forget him soon........

I know where your coming from but trust me..some men..(very few) lose that connection with there wife. I know in my case he's NOT in love with her anymore..he tells me all the time, its his kids that he cares deeply for. I dont think that he will go back to his wife and if he does he's going back for the wrong reasons. Of course he doesnt wish anything bad on her, its just that loving feeling is gone.

You know what is so funny about reading everything written on this page is... The fact that you all say "I am in love, maybe it was wrong timing or we are each others soul mates" You are all saying the same thing just wording it differently. None of you guys care about what you are doing to their wives and families. Really think about it... What does it do to his kids? And you want to have a kid with him also. You all are stupid! You are so self centered your not even thinking about the effect it does/will have on the kids that are there already or the ones you guys are trying to have. You all think that having a baby will keep him with you but you are so blind that you miss the whole fact that he already has kids. They will tell you anything or do anything just to keep you giving up the free ass. Lets put it this way... If he did leave his wife for you, sure you guys would be happy and in your bliss for a little while but then what when the lust wears off.... You will start thinking he is cheating on you because "he cheated with you" and you guys will get bored with each other (just like all your other past relationships that didn't work out) The fact is YOU ALWAYS WANT WHAT YOU CAN'T HAVE as soon as you get what you want it is just not the same anymore. Why don't you all stop thinking about your "sexual needs" and find someone that is readily available to have a relationship. Frankly none of you know what love is your all stuck in your own stupid lust.
I like the comment above how she went and talked to the wife of the married man that she was having sex with and when the wife asked her to leave him alone you hit her... WTF! what where you expecting her to say. You are just a low life piece of scum! First you sleep with HER man then you go over to HER house and hit HER because of your stupidity frankly she should have kicked your a$$... How about a little anger management. She never asked you to come in a take her TRUE LOVE away or ruin his family you took that apon yourself. If the man is a good man he would never touch you until after everything is final with the issues he has at home.
Also you all talk that the married man is the one commiting adultery.. Hello wake up! You are commiting adultery too. We all wonder why the world is going to hell in a hand basket but the truth of the matter it's all people like you that have no respect for anything or anyone including yourself. Would feel pleasent if someone just walked in and took something you loved away. You wonder why you you can't find a decent man.. Well none of you deserve one. I hope that you guys will wake up and grow up. For the ones that refuse to do so I hope that when you find someone that you love and get married (if that ever happens) that they find someone else to spend their time with doing things they should be doing with you. Heaven help you if you have kids with them.

If the man is a good man he would never touch you until after everything is final with the issues he has at home.

To all of you that woke up and found the strength to get out of the situation and never go back... I give you all a lot of credit. I hope you can find the man that is truly right for you and you live with as much happiness as God will allow!

You say that you KNOW he is not in love with his wife because HE tells you all the time... LMAO the famous line that all the "good married men use" until it is final and they are no longer together he still loves her. And the comment of if he goes back to her he is going back for all the wrong reasons... What are the wrong reasons might I ask? He made vows, he has kids amd he committed himself to just one woman for all eternity. Those are wrong reasons??? What you all need to do is stay out of the man's situation and let him handle what he has. You do not help anything but his d1ck when he wants it. I can't believe women can be so nieve. To put it all bluntly a marriage is only between two people and until that marriage is over you have no business entering in to it.

Look,

It's true that those things would hurt a lot, that it's wrong, but you don't undertstand if you're not in it. I'm not commenting on you because it's us who are probably wrong and not you. But I'm just saying that it doesn't make you a bad person.

I mean I'm 24 years old and I never had a boyfriend before, all my life has been fixated on studying and working and I still live with my parents. This summer I met a man and he's married and I fell in love with him, he has children too. I never ever would have thought this would have happened to me because I used to think and in a certain way still think in the same way that you do,but it's not that simple. My parents gave me a good education and I don't understand why it happened and I blamed myself already a lot for it. It's not true that I don't care at all about the wife and the children.. it actually tears me apart inside because I know they are nice people and I don't have any rights to ruin that..children deserve to have a real family!! but what I feel inside is real too, and I miss him every minute of the day.

I actually don't know what to do with it because I don't want to hurt the other people and on the other hand I have strong feelings for him too and it hurts a lot and yes you are right in a certain way that is egoistic as well. However it doesn't make you a bad person, it's not for sex or lust like you say, we didn't even have sex until now because I felt bad about it even if the feelings are there. I don't know how it is with other people, but it's not at all for this in my case. He's my best friend as well and I tell him everything. I don't want to loose that because I never had this before which is also egoistic, you are right.

I'm not trying to defend it here, I know it's wrong it's not something to be proud of and it's true that not only the men are guilty and it's true as well that you should clear it out at home when you want something else before creating other more difficult situations.

The only thing that I wanted to say is that often in the replies that I read people are attacked like they are some kind of monster just because they want to be loved even though it's probably a wrong choice they made (like me)... but it's not true that suddenly you become some kind of monster, maybe we are blinded, I have to admit that, but that's what happens most of the time when you are in love, even though in this case it's far from ideal. Sometimes things happen in your life you never thought would happen, like in this case for me. My parents are married for 35 years now, they are still in love. I always thought things were ok automatically, that something like that would happen to me as well. I myself never had a real boyfriend before and I'm 24, I think I'm a quite silent person and I studied a lot, didn't go out much..I never ever thought I would do something like this.. and yet I'm in it now adn I feel guilty as hell but yet can't let go, my head says no, my heart says yes. I used to think as well that you had to be a terrible person to create a situation like that, if you would have told me this 6 years ago then I would have said that this could never ever have happened to me. That it's bad and wrong.

Sometimes life takes a direction that you didn't think possible and then you have to cope with it. It's not just this, but I saw already in my surroundings that sometimes things happen that you never expected not only on the love -side of life but in every aspect. That's why I think you should never judge people because you don't know them, you don't know what they are thinking and why they act in a certain way even though wrong. Other people may do the right thing in this aspect of life but do big mistakes in others.. It doesn't make you a bad person, maybe a stupid person in that moment yes, but not a malicious one. I just learnt that you just know certain situations when you are in it and not from outside... not only in this case but also regarding other problems.

This is not an attack towards what you said because you are right.. I just wanted to explain that sometimes it's not that easy not that black and white and you do the wrong things even though you didn't want to at first and you do stupid things.

Take care!

Hi all,

I have read all the stroies here, the situation of felling love with a married man is the hardest one,
but the problem is that , we dont know about the future, what will happen? I had this problem ,
loved him, is kids and respect the woman, but the problem is that, WHAT IS THE FUTURE?
you nice girl who are fell in love with married man.... think and imagine about the future!
how many of us have this chance to live with our only love?! is he really get divorce? if he decided to get divorce what is the reaction of the wife and kids...?! they want to tell him all the time that he has left them becasue he has felt in love with some one else?!
it is very hard for me,,,, and i have many tears! but i decided to stay in a normal relationship with him,
and just have the feeling of his LOVE in my heart! but not in a way that he cheat his wife,
becasue he will get use to it and find it intresting and then may may this happend to me..
alreasy he has told many lies to the wife becasue he wanted to keep our relationship hidden...
which is not good for him!!!
so i got the best way is that i have less contact with him.... just be a nice girl for him if he called me , send me email and smsed me .. or if we met... becasue ACTUALLY I LOVE HIM! THE truth is that we love eacother!... but we are not for eachother becasue STILL he is belong to some one elese...
and i beleive if he REALLY LOVE ME... he will start thinking about the way to HAVE me legally!...
the process of divorce is along .... he should first be ready for it then make his decision then tell her and
after many arguments go to file for divorce... so he should be free and think deeply with him self
HOW MUCH HE LOVES YOU?! if he loves you surely he will act for you!... may takes 1-2-3 or 5 years
but is better that in this duration he hasent cheat him, and he had enough time to think and decide..
and also we have time along having their love in our heart to see MAY we met another SOUL MATE of us...!! true love scare! and we are afraid if we leave him... never have this chance to meet any guy who love him....!! even it is true... even just this married guy is my love.... i think he should have this ability to PROTECT ME AND ACT FOR ME! if he cant... so how he can undrestand my feeling toward him?
i mean if our love is true and real love so his love should be the same! we wait for them and then should act for us!!!
but in a CORRECT WAY! it is very better that he get dicorce becasue of another reason not becasue HE HAS FEL IN LOVE WITH YOU! then all the friends, family his kids will talk about about you...
and ruin your NICE LOVE LIFE!!!
be paitant...if god has give us this ability to feel the TRUE love So we should be capable women..
should be strong!!!! should have all the charactors of a woman who can feel the TRUE LOVE!!!
you know that all the people cant feel what is love!!!

wish all the best for all of us

Oleg!!!

please dont bring a kid with your love one... think about the kid!!!
he/she needs a real life!! needs parents and a family!!!!
you should decide between her and your family!
you cant ruin the life of both...try to decide for one of them!!
you can! if you want!
try to find out you prefer which one ? her or ur family?!

You are a winner!..not really. I think you were in a disfunctional marriage where your husband got bored with your ass and cheated on you. Why do you care coming in this forum, criticizing these women? You dont know the story..hell you seem delusional that's probably why your husband left your wack ass.

Hi,
im glad i found out im not the only one!! but do we all fall for romance so much? is it jus that married amn want to feel younger and still attractive that they fall in love with young 21 year olds like me? the relation runs hot and cold.. im soo in love with him, that i cant imagine my life without talkin to him. He hurts me so many times, im not even a priority in his life. I dotn want him to leave his wife.. but atleast..give me sum kinda priority if he says that he is in love with me so much. i dont know.. i break down and cry every single night. its like only i want to talk to him. e doesnt even bother most of the times and only wen he has time ..or hes alone or hes bored does he think about me.. how patheritc am i?please help me!! i want to hurt him. make him feel how i feel.. i feel miserable.. i jus felt like telling this to someone. and i feel a lot better..this relation has been goin on for 4 years now. yes.. i was 17 then..wen it started..but how can i let him go? i jus cant cut him off..cuz hes a very good family frend too. but even his dog gets rpiority in his life!! and i dont even have the freedom to ask anythign ..then hell say.. "give me a break.. im having a hard tiem too.. i also have a life..u know my family is also important to me, and we agreed on this before", wat can i say..my hands and legs are tied up. and all i can do is wait for him to call me or msg me? oh yeah..i cant call him wen i want to.. its only wen he wants to call.. i cant msg him.. its only wen he msgs that i can reply..do i deserve this..i hate myself...

Hi I have read all the posts with great interest.
I have just split with my MM of 8 years. we have had a few periods of not communicating in the past and always resumed contact, but this time it is different.
He never meets me in the evenings like he used to, but can only manage mornings and afternoons He has been phoning but I have been reluctant to meet with him and he has sensed that something is up. I decided that I needed to talk about things but when I suggested meeting over the phone he backed right away and hasn't called since.
He has however started going to the same places that I visit, like a local internet cafe and deliberately sitting at the computer next to me. In the old days we would have just gone back to my house but I don't suggest that and I don't hang around when he sits beside me. Then he says that he will call "soon" but he doesn't. If it's over why would he say he is going to phone. I think he is just playing with me because I have taken away his entertainment.
Anyone got any ideas on what he is playing at. He might be making me wait so that I will really miss him and then he hopes to resume on HIS terms. He might be confused as to what he wants but he should be working onhis marriage and not flirting with me in cafes.
Any ideas?

I'm glad I came across this site. I've known someone for about three years( chatted w/him online). I met him after being separated from my husband for about a year. He told me that he was married and separated too. For a smart lady I think I've acted pretty dumb. You see...... I've never had his number ( he tells me that he doesn't trust women) that's always his respond to most things. He doesnt call me in the evenings or the weekends. When we get together.....we just have sex. He tells me that he can't give more than that because he has something against women. That women have always used him and have even done harm to him, when he wants to break away from them. So I've been believing that this man has real emotional problems and maybe just needs someone to truly love him, so he can love them back. I know he has pain. I can see it in his eyes. During these years we have been together about 7xs. Until recently he wants to see me more. So I've been analyzing this situation more. Why......because I truly don't want to hurt anyone and don't want to be hurt or taken advantage of. I do think about someone else getting hurt and doing the right thing. I love God and want him to be proud of me. The last time we were together.....I wanted to give him a hug goodbye. As I went to give him the hug, he backed away from me. He told me that he had to return to work (maybe firemen can't have perfume smell on them) I don't know about that......I felt so bad. I did feel that I was doing something wrong. And have been feeling the same after that. You see.....I'm a very honest person and find it so hard to believe that someone can be deceiving and uncaring of other people. I could never do that. I've always wanted more from him, but was willing to wait for someone that I love and just had emotional issues to deal with. Unfortunately......I now think it's more than that. He's still together with his wife and is just using me....right? So I've sent him an email ending this (thing) I feel that I'm doing the right thing. I thank everyone here for your messages. Everyone please note: For everyone that is having an affair and think that the man might be married....go w/ your instinct....For everyone that thinks women that get into these relationships are stupid, they're not (we're not) we just get caught up in a web of deceit. That makes us believe. For women that are knowingly in an affair w/ a married man......please think about the other person getting hurt. I'll appreciate any and all responses. I hope everyone here finds their way...and may God give you the strength to do the right thing. : )

I have had an affair with a married man for 3 years now. He is happily married. I, foolishly, went into this, not realizing that I would love this man with all my heart and soul. We are struggling to remain friends-our sexual/love affair is over. Every time I am with him, I enjoy every moment. I wait for his calls and text messages etc. I am pathetic. I feel if I don't see him or give up our "friendship" that I am tearing out my heart. Help me have the strengh.

Awwwwwwwww........I know how it feels. I'm sorry that your heart feels that way. Mine does too. So I know. It's like I know I have to do what's right but my heart aches for him so much. ( I bet you know what I mean) You know what I do........I ask God to give me the strength. Have you heard the song Barely Breathing by Duncan Sheik? You know what..........I think we're worth more than what these men are offering us. You know what I just thought! We probrably value ourselves as much as they value us. :( Not good huh? If you believe in God, pray for the strength, and if you don't believe in God find it within yourself. : ) You have a friend here. Leslie

The thing that is ridiculous is when the man bullshits you completely and tells you--flat out--that he is single and has never been married. I gave him a thick piece of my mind as soon as I found out the truth.

But this is infuriating:

"For women who were duped into the affairs unknowingly, the same applies. You are still considering pursuing feelings that he will never return and is only going to add to your low self-esteem that you must have if you are contemplating how you are going to base your self-worth on men who give crumbs - not love and committment. You need to ask yourselves ' so what kind of woman does this man respect?'. - Help yourselves and don't be duped any further."

First of all, not well written. I hope this cryptically written piece is actually addressing women who are considering continuing the affair after they find out the truth.

I'm just saying: imagine the pain of finding out the truth after he has told you that you are the one and he's falling in love with you. And then you find out he's married. Bastards. How can they?

Never say "never". You have angels in this world but they're thin on the ground. Some people - men and women - are vicious and will say anything to get their way. And if you give the time of day, a user will think you deserve anything he or she throws at you.

Just leave such people where they belong - alone.

He was incredibly vicious -- early on, when I was taking my time, he kept saying that he didn't understand if I liked him or not, were we on the same page or not because he was crazy about me, etc.

When he finally told me he was married, I told him that he was sick to lie like that for as long as he did and needed help. His response was that I have proven myself to be an extremely cruel person!

I am leaving him where he belongs, but what's getting to me now is that he's NOT alone. He's with his wife in a nice little house with a nice little marriage, as if nothing ever happened, till death do they part. (Of course, I don't know the reality of what goes on in their house.)

He even asked me when he admitted he was married if I would consider continuing to see him! No way, I said. So now, he's not alone, but with a wife. That's what makes me mad. And also that he had started introducing his best friends to me -- and they all knew and I didn't. That's vicious.

I apologize if you think my grammer was'nt good enough for you. I just hope I made someone feel better, despite my bad grammer.
Leslie

You don't have to be devoid of others around you to be on your own. The loneliest times I've had were when I realised someone got close to me only to use me as a means to an end, rather than to treat me with respect. You can't expect people like that to even "see" *you* when they are not capable of appreaciating who you are. They just see you for what they want from you.

So I would question whether he's such great company for his wife, and I certainly would not waste time speculating about whether he makes her happy. Does he make YOU happy? No. What more do you need to know?

All very good points.
I just don't understand people being that way, because it is so far "off my radar."
But everything you say makes complete sense. Very wise.
Thanks.

Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it to sound that way.
It just seemed like you were lumping in those who are lied to/duped/fooled into getting involved with someone who's married with those who knowingly go into it. It hurts a lot to think you are involved with someone single that it may be going somewhere with and then to find out he is committed elsewhere and lying to everyone around him. It's just not the same thing as someone who knows damn well they are having an affair with a married man.
I apologize. Didn't mean to get cranky with you -- I'm just upset about the situation.

I'm sorry if that came out wrong. It just sounds very messed up when you say to a woman who has been flat-out lied to: you have to ask yourself "what kind of woman does this man respect?"

I don't think that kind of man respects anyone, least of all himself.

I didn't mean to insult you. I apologize if I did. It's just that the way you phrased it, is not understanding of a woman who's been lied to...No harm intended.

Honestly, I don't think that people like that are capable of appreciating themselves, and that's what it really comes down to. That's what their problem is. Because if they did--appreciate themselves--they would absolutely never do that to another human being. It's just so far "off my radar" that I don't get it.

Your words are very wise. You make complete sense. Thanks.

No problem. : ) But you are right. You can never compare a woman that's been lied into an afair w/a married with a woman that knowingly enters into wrong doing. At least that's how I see it. Because as soon as I would have known that truth, for respect to the wife, you leave it alone. It's a frustrating situation, I understand. Can I offer some advice : ) Don't let him get the best of you, and turn you into a person that you're not. : )

Your friend
Leslie

I have been involved with a married man for 7 months now. I am also married. I thought he was my soulmate. I still kind of do. We both married because of our kids. My daughter and his son are classmates. He is 12yrs older and got into a lot of touble with drugs as a kid. His one promise was to always be there for his kids. I repect that and did not want to take that from him. It only took 3 months for it to destroy my marriage. My husband got drunk one night and beat me in front of our daughter. He had never hit me before. I seperated from huband and continued the relationship. I just could not let go of my feelings no matter what it cost me. I kept telling myself it will get easier with time. It didn't. It only got worse. It eats you up inside. I have now dragged this special love into into a disgusting muddy mess. If it was so special why would I do this? Because you will do anything to hold on to what you feel is the most important thing in your life. But in the end it is no longer beautiful. It is just self destructing. I hope someone will read this and will make a smarter descision than I did. End it before it destroys everything good in your life. I know it can be easy justifying your actions but there is a little voice if you really really listen... I thought it was just doubt about our future together but looking back I know I should have stopped it. He was following a similar fate with his marriage but instead of making the same mistakes as I did he decided to end things with me. It does make me wonder if he did love me as much because he seems to of been able to walk away pretty easily. It has been two weeks now and I have not heard from him. I just found out a few days ago I am pregnant. I can't afford to raise this baby on my own. I don't believe in abortion. How can I possibly give our baby up for adoption. He is the man I love! Now what? Do I destroy his chance to live up to his promise to be there for his kids! Or do I suffer trying to raise our baby with out him and unhappy. Either way I am screwed. Looking back I should of been content enough with my marriage. It wasn't great but it wasn't bad either.

I'm nearly in the same boat. The man I've been talking to is not married but has been with his girlfriend for nearly 10 years and lived together for the past 7 but have no children. I've been friends with him about 6 years and as long as I've known his he's never been totally satisfied with the relationship. Last year, we decided to go to a movie and we had so much fun so we went out again and again...Then one night we kissed and it ended up going a lot further than anticipated. It continued into months one night he told me he loved me and the same night he went home and told his girlfriend about our relationship. She stayed, he stayed and it contined.

I got pregnant but had a miscarriage and still didn't wake up. Eventually, both of us had become so caught up in the relationship that he started telling me he wishes that I never miscarried and he wants a child. At the time his girlfriend had also been pushing to have a child with him. Being stupid and so caught up...Us both ignoring he had a girlfriend we ended up concieving. He was excited when I told him he started wanting to pick out baby names right away and was so excited until it kicked in that he'll have to tell his girlfriend.

Well...a month later suddenly I wasn't the girl he thought I was and he no longer whated to continue doing what we were doing...I fought for it a little bit but eventually I just let it go. He suggested an abortion but said he was there either way. So, now I'm 4 months pregnant and we've kind of been off and on. He has to tell his girlfriend soon and is stressing out about how she's going to react considering that she's been wanting a child with him so badly.

I don't know what the outcome will be if she's going to stay with him or what's going on. All I know is I love him but he's a grown man and has to make his own decisions I can't tell him what to do. At the end of the day as long as he's there the first day of school, to teach them to ride a bike, the soccer games, prom, graduation and the other significant events in a persons life that they need their parents there is all the matters.

I don't regret it because that would be regretting my child but next time I know to keep my head out the clouds, feet on the ground and stick to my morals and values.

So I started a relationship with a married man a few weeks ago. We started having sex and it's been amazing. I love him, I really do. And he says he loves me too. He's having problems with his wife, because she treats him terribly. He doesn't love her anymore and told me that he'd rather be with me. But the problem is that his wife is pregnant. So he can't leave her. Not just yet anyways. But he doesn't know what he's going to do. And it's hard for me to wait. But I love him and want to be with him, but I know that I really shouldn't be doing this. It will probably end up hurting me more in the long run, but I can't get myself to say good bye to him yet, and never talk to him again. It would hurt too much. I read a lot of the comments from others on this page, about how a lot of the times the married man is just using you for sex or to escape some emotional problems. But I trust him and can't see him hurting me that way. I'm not really sure what to do though. This is harder than I thought it would be.

This is only what I think.............

I think you should follow your gut instinct. Don't let your emotions blind you to any truth. And if they're having so much problems, why did he let his wife get pregnant? They are obviously still being intimate. Be carefull and considerate of the other person in this picture. ; )

Leslie

I have to say that the situations I've read are so similar to my own that it's scary. I have been seeing a married man for nearly 3yrs. I've known him for about 6. I have no excuses for my actions save for the fact that I fell completely head over heels for him.

When we could no longer fight the feelings we just let it happen. His wife knows. She and I have even talked. She told me that she'd rather ask me the questions because I won't lie to her. I never saw a reason to hide my feelings for him. He made it quite clear that he would leave her only he "needed time." In the beginning it seemed only fair of him to ask that of me. I myself had recently gotten myself out of a similar situation.

I have 2 kids with my ex-husband. We are on somewhat friendly terms. To speed up the story, I am now expecting a child by my married lover. I cannot even pretend to be anything other than besottedly happy. I don't expect him to leave her for me just because of a baby. He knows this and so does she. Oh yes I forgot to mention. She knows too. I love this man so much and I know that it is wrong to. But loving him, I swear, does not feel wrong to me. In fact, nothing has felt more right in my life. I don't see him often. I have tried to end it several times. But he tells me he doesn't believe that I mean it. I've shared so much of myself with him that I can't lie or pretend that I don't want him in my life. I am due in 2mths. This will be his first child. He is having a hard time coming to terms with the truth though.

Nearly everytime he comes over she is close on his heels, blustering and complaining, knocking on my door, and the list goes on and on. I told him this last time that I didn't want her to know he was there. I didn't want anyone to know actually. This surprised him. I never cared who knew before. I love him, I don't want to hide it. I want to shout it from the rooftops. Now, with being pregnant, my family weighs heavy on my mind.

My 2 kids from my previous marriage are hurt by this. He never really saw them much, but my kids knew that I was including him in their lives. They accepted him. It is very important to me that they tell me how they feel always. My son is 12 and he sees how hurt I am by this and now doesn't even want to see his face. My daughter is more hurt than angry, she wanted a family again. She's 10. Their dad is weak by nature. Not to put him down, it is merely a fact. The man I am seeing now tells me that he is a wuss and that's why he can't leave. He's comfortable. She takes care of him. She gives him everything he wants and lets him cheat. Who wouldn't want that. I am the one strong thing in my kids' lives. I don't want them to see me as weak if I happen to give him a chance.

He kept asking me if I wanted him to leave last week when I saw him. I told him I don't know what I want. I only know what I shouldn't want which was him there. I hadn't seen or heard from him since New Year's. I know it sounds really bad, but I told him then that we couldn't keep doing this. My heart breaks thinking of this all at once. I know that I am strong enough to end it now. But I honestly don't think it's what I want to do. I want it mainly because I feel weak. This baby will forever remind me of him even if it ends. I told him the fact that I know he will regret someday walking away from this was enough for me. I know he loves me. I know deep down he's unsure of how he feels at becoming a father. But I know too that I won't let him hurt this baby or my other two kids again. It's been nearly 3yrs. He won't leave. I know it. But why...why can't I convince myself of it?

I myself am inlove with a married man. I am 20 and he just turned 34. We are the best of friends and I dont know how I made it through life before him. I have always dated the biggest jerks around. The guys that wanted me when they wanted sex or someone to cook and clean cause their buddies were coming over. So when I found him, this guy that does nothing but help me build my self esteem back up, I latched on. Now it'll be a year on june 1st and nothing has really changed about our relationship. He is still married and says it's because of his son. I can understand that in a way because if he were to divorce her she would run off with his son... she's done it before. and she would take everything he has worked all his life to get. I would never want to feel like it was my fault that all of that happend and I could never be the reason why he couldn't be with his little boy, the one thing in this world that he cherrishes more than anything. Once his son is older, if things are still bad between him and his wife he will try to seperate on mutual terms. He has never lied to me and told me that it is a for certain thing that he will leave and come be with me. Which may make me stupid for staying but at this point I dont care and dont want to leave. Im still young and I fear that if I did leave him that the next guy I was with I would up and marry and begin having children with because I was ready to do that before I met him. I dont need to be married with kids at only 20 years old, so in a way he is helping me from making what might be a really big mistake. I would love for him to be able to leave his wife without any problems and finally introduce me to his adorable son but I know that cant happen right now and maybe not ever. We take it one day at a time and just try to keep at the very least a close friendship. We talk every day, and text back and fourth throughout the whole day. He truely is my bestfriend. I dont know what the future is going to be like but I know that I will never regret falling inlove with him. He makes me happier than any guy ever has. I dont know if it happens in most affairs but we dont tell eachother we love eachother. We talked about our feelings for one another and came to the conclusion that it's no fair to me or to his family that that word is used. He wants it to be rightly used. He wants to be able to tell me that and not have to go home and say it to someone else right after because it makes it seem used and a lie. I respect that and feel the same way cause if he did tell me he loved me but at the same time was telling his wife that I would feel that it was just something he says to please someone. I have come to a slight hard spot.. I live in a town that everyone is pregnant right now including two family members, well, I know that if I were to have a child I would want him to be the father. I have been suffering from a little depression because of the fact that I naturally am so driven to have a baby and family of my own that when I see all of these girls getting to have that it makes me jealous and I want it, but I want it with him. I know that having a baby right now would ruin his life because there's noway he would let me have a baby on my own and there's no way he could neglect his child but I fear that if I dont have a baby with him now that I'll never get that chance. Now I dont want to get pregnant on the sly or anything but it's just depressing knowing that I could have a baby with the man I love and be able to afford it and take care of him or her but I cant have a baby with him because of his home status. But I guess it goes back to that good thing about me being young still and needing to experience other things first. I guess Im just praying that my day finally comes and I get to be happy with him and his son and our children.. altho that brings me to another subject.. being a stepmom. I hate that word but thats what I'd be. I dont want to take his mom's place but I dont want to be refered to as the stepmom or teated like one. I would like to have a close relationship with his son but I know his mom wont allow that. I've talked to her once before and I've heard the way she yells at my boyfriend and it's not pretty. She's not a nice person at all. She's got a sweet and innocent look but she talks trash about everyone and I know I'll get it the worst. Which is horrid to me cause the last guy I was with cheated on me and left me for her and me and her became friends. I just cant hold those kind of grudes because I know stuff happens. You cant control everyones life, including your own sometimes. Life just happens and you have to deal with it and move on or you'll die a sad person. That's why this is so hard for me cause Im the type of person that would love to hangout with his wife and be whatever kind of friend or help to her that I can be. But whatever. Im sorry but I got to go.. the clock is ticking and I was supposed to be out of here 5 minutes ago.. ps.(Im at work)

Dear Girl,

You are 20.
Find a single guy.
Get your self respect back.
Don't be used for sex or cooking or whatever- if you think that is the deal that you are getting. Plenty of guys out there, who are not 'users'. Anyway, marriage entails both (sex/ cooking), and is perfectly respectable.
This guy is too old. Has a wife. Has a child. Is never going to leave both. - You are available anyway. If you think you are his friend- leave his family alone. If he thinks he does not want his wife- he should take that decision w/o any prompting from you. If his wife is not good to him, that is his problem. Your feeling awful is not helping your situation. Least of all none of this is helping you.
Don't ever get into a 3some. It will kill your self worth even more.
For Christ's sake get back your self esteem.
Do yorself this favour. Get out of the relationship.
You are too young to get married (20). Wait a while- there is plenty of time to get kids. Have your own- why do you want someone elses? If you end up with the wife's kid- what would she have? Minus husband, minus child?
Do you want to get to know the wife to ingratiate with the family- so that can facilitate wife's exit? Ask yourself- the motive.
No harm in friendship- be friends. Leave it at that. If you can.

If only it were easy to be just friends. Anyone not in my situation wont understand. His marriage was over long ago. They've filed for divorce three times and got back together each time for their son. I do have self esteem and I have no problem getting guys. In fact we split for one week before and in that one week, I saw four different guys that wanted to be with me. So, it's not like Im afraid that I'll never find someone else. I just choose to be with him. And I dont understand how everyone always thinks that the other girl is always the one who's breaking up the marriage... That's not true. If he's looking else where, that means it's over. She has told him that he was not her first choice that she would have rather married someone else and it's just very obvious that they are just staying together so that their son doesn't have to grow up in a broken home. I dont want to take her son away from her. I would never do something like that... She's the one that wants to run off across the country and take him away from his dad. I would live next door to her the rest of my life if that's what it took to keep that little boy near both of his parents. and to touch base on the having someone elses kids... I come from a family that it doesn't matter. My mom married my dad without ever even meeting my sisters first and my niece and nephew are both adopted and I wouldn't have it any other way. I love those kids with all my heart and would kill for them. A child is a child and they are a blessing no matter where they come from or when they come to you.I would love to have a child with him but I know that I am young and there are things I should experience before I have children. This is why I am still practicing safe sex with him. As far as my motive for getting to know his wife would be.. first off I would only want to get to know her if and after they divorce. I think that if the two of us dont have some sort of a good relationship that it will only hurt her son. It's not about me or her. When children are involved it's all about them. The environment that their son is in right now is not a good one. They fight constantly infront of him and say mean, hurtfull things to eachother. If it continues this way they will have to either divorce or hurt their little boy.And if they divorce, I will eventually be apart of all of their lives, wanted by all or not. So I think it would be best that her and I got along. I know she'd be super upset and hate me at first and Im prepared for that and I dont blame her. She would be going through a really rough time and it would seem to her at the time that it was all my fault but I would hope that in time she would realize that it wasn't anyones' fault. That life is unpredictable and you cant choose who you love. My ex really did fall for this other girl, which is someone I have known my whole life, and I dont blame him one bit. She's a great person. She's left him since then and they have a baby together. A baby that he has not seen because she doesn't want him to.I think it's sad and I wish that they would work things out and at least be friends for their daughter. I ofcourse was angry in the begging and said all sorts of hurtful things to her and him. But when I realized that no amount of yelling or anger was going to change things, I changed my attitude. I am now glad that he left me. I was ready to marry him and he wasn't really what I wanted in a guy. I think I would have been miserable. and besides that him and her made one heck of an adorable baby girl. So all in all, if he's meant to be with me, well end up together. If not, we wont. I'll always love him, either way.

Hey!
You are wise for your 20 years. I mean it as a compliment.
Just take care of yourself. Don't get hurt.
I do hope this works out for you. With all my heart.
Nothing can be as beautiful as two people truly in love!
Wish you luck!

Are you on something because you are really a terrible person. You think that God gave you the right to go and punch somebody in the face because she loves her husband . If your mm doesn't want to leave his wife then back off and leave well enought alone. I am suprised that she didn't file charges against you, I know I would have if I would have put your sorry butt in jail

I just want to say thank you for the compliment. It really means alot to me. Dont worry, I'd never let any guy bring me down. To be quite honest, I might be a little too conceeded for someone to do that. Or maybe I just have a lot of self respect and confidence and most of all faith that my life will turn out exactly the way god planned for it to. :)

Thank you for the compliment. I wouldn't worry. There's no guy that could ever hurt me bad enough to not bounce back. Not even him. I love him but I love myself first. Thats a lesson all girls should learn... a girl in any situation. :)

Hmmm...

More of us need to have that positive attitude!

You must come here more often- I am sure all who are going through a situation will feel more empowered.

Opps... I didn't mean to say thankyou twice. I thought that the first comment didn't show up. But yeah as far as the positive attitude.. You should always have one. It's your life, you should live it the way you want and be as happy as you can be doing it! Life is a roller coaster. So when you come to the bottom of the hill just know that it's going to go back up again soon. ;)

Well, I just found out that tonight is the last night that Im going to get to spend with the love of my life. He is being shipped back home for work untill further notice. Life is about to get a little hard and lonely. Im praying that this isn't the end but I know that it is a possibility. We've made it apart before when I was in another state for school for about six months but in that time I flew back to see him three times (every other month) then finally moved back. This time is going to be different. I dont have any set dates that I get to look forward too, just the hope of seeing him again. Im not going to just wait for him to come back I've already started talking to someone else and he know's that. I really do love him and hope and pray that we end up together but in the mean time I dont want to waste my life crying into my pillow every night and hate my horrible life. Im going to take this time for myself and do all of the things girls should do when they're single so that if or when we do come back together, Im fully ready to settle down and be with him. Im sure we will still talk every day and stuff but this is deffinately going to be a trial period for us. If we make it through, I know it will be forever but if we dont I'll be prepared to let it go and call it a great memory in time. I hope this is just a test from god and it's just going to prove our love for one another and just saying that we really aren't meant to be. We will see, We will see. My emotions are going wild right now. Im sad he's leaving but at the same time Im oddly happy to be tested. I dont know. I really like to be challenged. It makes me apprieciate the out come or the little successes more. So I guess I can say that Im a little excited to see what the out come is going to be. Well, I should go now cause Im at work but I will definately give updates. And anyone with really good relationships should write so that I can live vicariously through you, hehe. lol. But so yeah, Life is still great as far as I am concerned.. no deaths or illnesses so it's a good day! and lets give thanks and hope tomorrow is just as good. There's a new country song that discribes the way I feel about life right now and I cant think of the name of it but everyone should listen to it and think about their lives and if they dont feel that way about their own life, they should maybe think about what they can do to feel that way again or for the first time... it talks about something like "dad had a close call last year and I got a full week off this year. and sometimes I want what others have and yada yada.." when I find out the name I'll post it. It's a good song and it really makes you realize that life could be so much worse than what it is... so yeah anyway sorry to be a chatty kathy, I'll go now. ttyl.

I was truely being tested last night.. It was supposed to be my last known night with him and he got drunk with the guys then fell asleep. Well he woke up later that night and called me. After I had gotten all dressed up and sat around waiting all night for his call. He apologized and expected to me to just accept it. Well, me being a person who wears all feelings on my sleeve, I couldn't hide the fact that it pissed me off that after all of this and being on the phone talking about his night for a half hour he still hadnt asked me to come over. No, instead he told me that he was going to be here next week and he'll get to see me then since he couldn't tonight. Now I was feumming!! He asked if I was mad about something and I couldn't hold it in any longer and told him that I was pissed because the fact that he may never see me again doesn't bother him one little bit. that he's just an in, out, on with life kind of guy. He got deffensive and said that I dont know him if thats what I really believe and asked me to come over. I went over and we talked for a few hours and things finally calmed down returned to normal. Well, I think I learned more about him last night then I learned in the last year. I thought I knew everything about him and found out that I really just knew almost everything. He told me all of the same stuff that my sister has been telling me since the day I told her about us. She says it's the reason we wont work and he says that even though we have all of those differences we still find a common ground and are able to hangout and be us. I agree with him. We do have alot of differences but that's what makes it interesting. We never run out of things to talk about. So now everything is fine and I get two set dates to look forward too..!!! This gives me a positive feeling about being apart. I got tested with the out with the boys thing and then was re asured that this is not the last time I will ever see Mr. love. So remember what I said about roller coaster?? This is my roller coaster. I thought that today would be a gloomy day, weeping over the loss of my love but it is quite opposit I am quite content. Im happy and ready to go out and have fun during this time alone. okay gotta go now. ttyl.

I haven't had a chance to read everyone's notes on this topic, but the ones I didn't see similar to my situation. I don't know where else to turn. I was going to get professional help until I knew the paperwork was going to get sent home. My husband opens my mail and I don't want to deal with the questions.

I have been married for over 10 years and have fallen out of love with him. I am no longer attracted to him and my skin crawls when he touches me. We have a 2 and 6 year old and that is all we really have in common. Over a year ago I started to have feelings for someone I've known for over 10 years. He is married with 2 older kids. He won't talk to me about his feelings because he feels it could lead to damanging things. This tells me he does have feelings for me. I know he is having his own issues at home. I think he is no longer in love with his wife either. He is only in the relationship because of his 9 year old son. I think he feels he would loose him if they got divorced. He is a great father and he is so in love with his son. I don't want to destroy that for him.

However, I feel like I am going to CRACK! I have lost a connection with someone and want to so connect with this ohter guy. He won't let me in. He has this wall that he puts up to protect himself. I am having such a hard time dealing with that. Part of me can't except that. Knowing we both having feelings for one another. Knowing we both have issues with out spouses. It just kills me inside to see him everyday. Having such feelings for him. When I can't even touch him. I work with him everyday. I won't change my job nor will he (don't want to change either). I need to somehow get over the fact that he and I will never have more than a working relationship together or some how try to get him to start connecting with me. Connecting with me is the ONLY thing that will get me over the lose of connection. He is the only one I trust. The only one in my life that I want to connect with. He is such a great guy. He is sexy, intelligent, great father, great provider, smart, powerful, funny, only one that knows how to talk to me. I can really see us together for the rest of our lives. All of which is why I feel like I am going to crack. I can't stop crying over not being able to connect with him. Does anyone have any advice on how to get a connection from him or anywhere else? I think that is the key to my mental issues. PLEASE HELP. :.(

To: Rekips.
I know what your going through is really hard. However, if you try to make him connect with you, it may push him further away or if he does give in, you may get into a wishy washy thing that will hurt even more. He'll end up going back and fourth between wanting to be with you and not. It has to happen on his terms. If he is going to come around he will. Untill then, work on things at home with your husband. Sit down with him and figure out what the two of you have lost. Talk to eachother. Dont say anything about having feelings for someone else but let him know how your feeling about his relationship with him. Doing this with him might help take your mind off secret love a little bit... or at least make you feel better about wanting him. Communication is a great thing. If your able to talk to your husband and just get out what you feel and listen to his feelings, you'll feel so much better just knowing what is really going on. Your secret love needs to do the same at home with his wife. once both of you do that you can determind what you really want to do with eachother. He appearently doesn't know where everything stands at home. If he doesn't know what will happen if he leaves then he doesn't know his wife's feelings about their relationship as it sits. She may be unhappy with it and if they never talk about it, they will just go round and round forever. Your not going to get divorced over telling someone that your upset with the way things are but if caught in an afair, divorce is almost a sure thing. So talk to him as a friend and let him know that he needs to figure things out at home so that he can be happy. With or without you... cause if you really feel for him thats what your goal should be, making sure the two of you are truely happy. So dont run away just yet and dont try to force hime to be with you... be his friend first and try to help him to figure out the home life part. If the two of you are meant to be it will come in time. You've known eachother for ten years so it's not like it's a now or never situation. If it takes time you dont have to worry that you'll never see him again. Which is a worry that most people tend to base their whole life on really. They are so scared that if they dont get it right now that it might just suddenly disapear or get up and walk off. In most cases that's not the case. Im not sure if this is going to help you any but if it's just that Im not getting the whole story, maybe you can explain it more to me and I can give a better answer. As far as the professional help, get a po box.. then he never has to know.

Hi there

I just came across this board by chance today and am amazed at some of the stories I have read!! My heart absolutely goes out to all of you in this situation and like others, I didn’t know there were so many of us out there. I think I may be one of the ‘fortunate’ ones (for want of a better word) as I am not in love with my MM but have very, very strong feelings for him. We met online and the fortunate thing is that it was only in late December, so the time factor has not been so long as some of you other women have had to deal with, as it’s only been four months - but has honestly seemed like a lifetime.

We instantly felt an amazing chemistry – we clicked straight away and would type the same things at the same time and felt such a deep connection. We made each other really laugh and had so much in common. We thought the same, could tell each other literally anything and he was so taken by me. I have had three opportunities to meet him when he came down to work near me, as he lives very far me and each time we couldn’t take our eyes off each other, gave lots of quick kiss in public constantly (something I never do) and are generally like a couple that are in love.

Ladies, if when get into a situation like this, don’t be afraid to ask lots of questions and try to think ahead. Its hard I know, but I dragged my MM through the emotional rollercoaster with me as there was no way that I was going to suffer alone (LOL). As we had previously talked about how open we could be with each other, I kept asking him “Why he wanted me”, “Was I not only here until he sorts his stuff out and then he will end it – so why not end it now?’ etc basically everything you want to say but dare not. If you can do that, then I think that he will understand that you are going into this with your eyes wide open (even if you are not) and that you have the strength of mind to challenge him and make him accountable.

The conversations from me and questions got even more challenging and also very intimate, as I felt I had nothing to lose, and he answered everyone of them in great detail and I feel very honestly. Also listen to his answers. If he is saying that you both can’t fall for each other as he is still married ... take heed. Its so hard not to read between the lines etc and we have even had a conversation about what would happen if we did fall for each other! I even finished it on two or three occasions, such was the intensity and he was very hurt with all the decisions but respected my decision as friend and we talked and went back to being friends. Ironically I was the one that caved in twice after some long emails from him letting me go … and also the last time when he just simply let me go!!

We talked exhaustively and extensively about the emotional side of things we were feeling and went through a real rollercoaster for about month. We also talked extensively about the sexual side of any relationship in great detail (if there was ever going to be one) to see how we would handle it. That was mixed in with general conversation and laughter, but we were close enough to be able to discuss these things.

He made it clear that from the outset that his marriage was touch and go but that he wouldn’t break it off (before we even talked about anything remotely happening) as he had ‘stuff’ (he used another term) that he had to deal with. He explained to me that there were three options, that he works out his stuff and he stays with his wife, that they can’t resolve things and they split up or that me and him decide that we want to be together.

The stuff has all come to a head now and he’s dealing with, which will result in him leaving his wife or staying with her. There are a lot of factors in our relationship that are very unique to us. I know this may sound strange but trust me … they really are LOL! But also I can truly relate to all of the heartache that you are all going through.

In the last few months I feel a change and a slowdown from him as he is very busy at work and dealing with his stuff. He admits things have slowed down but still wants things to continue as his feelings are the same. The hurt and pain is already here, but he has been on holiday in the previous week and in that time to totally refocus. We were both emotionally ‘needy’ at the time we met but I have decided to call an end to things before I get so involved that I can’t get out!! I’m on holiday soon and wrote him an email asking for space and then will just cease contact with him as I am gaining a lot of much needed self esteem, which I lost before I met him.

To Rekips, some of your issues sound like my MMs. No kids, but the love had gone from the short marriage. But the only way he will open up to you and the wall he has built up will crumble is when he can emotionally open up to himself. He may trust you implicitly, but be in total denial of what he is going though in his marriage and he may not be ready to do that at this moment. He may be use to dealing with his problems alone and find talking to anyone else a real struggle.

You need to re-connect with yourself first before you can connect with anyone else. What makes you happy? Is there any way at all that you can re-connect with your husband and is it very hard to not be with him if you are so unhappy? Are there things in your life that you have always wanted to do but never had the time, finances or motivation to do? Is there as skill you have always wanted to learn but never had the time? Do you have hobbies or dreams that you have forgotten about? Can you arrange a night of fun (out or in) with female friend(s)? Can you focus more on the love you feel for yourself and your children more than this man? If you Google “affirmations” it may help you reconnect with yourself. These messages may help you to rediscover your self worth.

I hope this has helped

Peace, love and stay strong sisters xxx

Donella

Honestly, I don't ever see me wanting to rekindle our relationship. I feel I have grown in a different direction than he. We can never have a decent conversation together. We are never on the same page. I don't want to get back what I thought we used to have. I want so much more out of life. Sooo much more. I believe we will be divorced in at least 3 years. After we get our finances straightened out. I want to feel wanted. I want to feel loved. Not by him. By someone so much better. He is a great father. But that is the ONLY possitive thing I can say about him. He sucks at everything else. And I mean EVERYTHING ladies.

I know what you are saying about giving my MM space and time. If he comes around, he will come around. I think he knows where he stands at home. I think he feels his wife has him by the balls. I don't know any details since he won't open up to me. But it sounds like she would take his son away from him if he makes the wrong move. Not sure if she can move their son away from him if they get divorced. But I do know he wouldn't see his some every night he came home from work. And he loves that.

I am just having a hard time dealing with the fact he won't admit to my face his feelings. There have been moments that proven to me that he does. But I want to hear it. And if he doesn't, I want him to talk to me about his life. Not about what I did over the weekend. I want to be his friend, but it hurts not to have more than that. I'm sure in time I'll get over that, but I've been waiting over a year. I truly believe talking to you ladies is part of the healing process. I really need to talk to someone and to hear back their opinions and feelings. I dread hearing "stay away from him", "it will never happen". It hurts too much and I don't want to believe it. Even if it's true. I so want to have hope. But not false hope.

For the past 1 1/2 weeks I have been trying to keep my distance from him. I feel if I open up to him it's only one sided and I feel like I am talking to a wall. He knows my situation at home. I will complain to him every once in awhile to vent. He knows there's no hope with my husband and I. But yet he won't talk to me about his home life. I don't know wheather I should continue to open up to him and let him in (when he doesn't) or to continue to keep my distance. I feel I will get my hopes up again and then have them crash. I don't want to not get my hopes up. I so want to feel wanted. To feel loved. To connect. But not no longer with my husband. There isn't anything there.

I started to go out to the movies with my friend once a month. That has helped tremenously. I have even started to take my son to the movies more. Just to get out of the house (and to spend quality time with him - husband is a dud - doesn't suggestion activities). I even go in to the office on Sundays to get out of the house. Shopping helps. Love shopping. But I need more to get my mm off my mind. He's on it 24/7. Sucks!

Talking to you ladies helps me a lot. Thanks so much for the chats. Hugs! Rekips

I understand what your going through.. My SL and I have hit a few hard spots where I have no idea what's going on in his head. Right now is one of them. When we first started seeing eachother it was fun and there were no worries.. well when I moved away to go to college, things changed. We were used to seeing eachother every night and now we couldn't so we started talking every night. Then the talk about feeling started coming up every time we were on the phone. He would always make jokes and say I was falling for him. I was, really hard but I couldn't tell him that because I was so afraid that he didn't feel the same way. So I kept telling him no and that I could never fall for him and stuff like that. Well, he finally pulled it out of me. He admited that he had feelings for me and then made me admit it back. Once that happend, I fell so hard it wasn't even funny. now there were no secrets between us. Anything either of us felt we would say it. Then I moved back home and things started changing.. I didn't stay over night with him like I used to when I would fly into visit and we didn't talk on the phone for hours anymore and when I was with him we would no longer talk about our feelings for eachother, it was more him talking about my feelings for him. IT's very frustrating and onesided! If I work hard enough I get him to talk about his feelings but it takes alot and still doesn't feel like it did before. He says it's because he's afraid of getting too caught up and messing things up at home. I can understand that.. it's true. When people get in over their head they tend to forget about what needs to be taken care of at home and they get caught in the worst way and things go really bad.

So you know... If I were anyone else I would probably tell you to leave it alone and get on with life. But Im not anyone else and I know that untill something happens and you are forced to move on, you wont and cant because you are trapped in you. I think its funny. You do all of the same things I do when Im not with the sl. I go to the movies at least once a week, I shop like no one else and I spend a lot of time at work. It really does help us, in the way that it makes us think we have a life outside of them... but it's really not any help because we do these things alone or with other girls... so the chances of us meeting someone new are slim, but we like it that way.. someone new means no more sl and why would we ever want to lose something like that, even if it is for the best? You just have to stay positive and realize that someone is looking over you and no matter what happens, he's going to make sure your life turns out good. So just sit back go with the flow and if your heels are banging aginst the copy machine on day, yeehaa! look up and praise the lord. If not well, just know that something really great must be coming if you had to give this one up for it! It's hard playing the waiting game sometimes but just think of a way to make it fun.. Get happy and get flirty! What are you doing for lunch thursday? Im thinking lunch with the SL is sounding kinda nice to ya? Try it.. and dont ask how the weekend was.. ask what's new with the kids and the family. Baseball? Ballet?

I love this forum! It really helps in keeping me going! Most of the time Im not even thinking about what email I got from SL but instead.. I spend the whole day wondering if anyone wrote anything new in here.. gotta love addictions! :)

So.. Week two without the bf. He was supposed to come to town last tuesday but his work changed their plans. It hasn't been to bad without him here. We talk every day so that's probably what's making it easy. and nothing has really changed in our relationship. I know he's been keeping some secrets from me. He went somewhere with his wife and friends saturday but he didn't tell me about it today when I asked him. I know he did cause I read about it on one of his friend's myspace. He doesn't know I know. I dont want him to know I've been keeping tabs. Im sure it wasn't anything big. I saw that he logged on to his myspace saturday night so that means she wasn't around during that time meaning they probably didn't have sex... which is the part I always worry about when they do things together. Because when we do something together it always ends in a great night in bed, so I always figure it must be the same with them. appearently not. I must admit.. Im a little happy! So anyway.. He's supposed to be coming to town one day this week. Yay! But im not freaking out about not being with him at all really. Like it just feels like were married or something.. Like I know he's always going to be there. I dont really worry about not seeing him or us growing apart. We're just cool. I dont have to chase him or do things to try to keep him. He sticks around on his own. So yeah anyways. I would love to hear some more stories from you girlies! How are things going with your men?

Well, it's been awhile since I logged on. I have to admitt, your two notes ago made me cry. It hit home a little in regards to working more, shopping, going to the movies. You at least have a physical connection with your guy. My guy won't connect at all. Even though I know he feels something for me, he is avoiding connecting with me because he doesn't want to ruin his life with his son. The next thing he doesn't want to ruin is our working relationship. The unfortunete thing is that I think it has. Without any control, I am keeping my distance from him. I try not to go see him in his office if I don't have to. I walk by his office without saying hello. I can't even look him in the eye. I resent him (and I know I shouldn't) for what he is doing to me. He calls me his "friend" and he says he doesn't want to lose me as a friend, but I don't feel the "friendship" he so calls thinks we have. I friend would try to help. He knows my issues at home. He knows what I am missing in my life. My head is so F!#@ed up right now, I don't know what to do. I see him almost everyday and really need more from him. He is afraid to open up to me (and I know I can't force him). But I don't think he ever will. He is the kind of guy that is very smart and knows what he is doing. And what he does is usually for the right reasons. And I'm sure he is doing what he is doing for the right reasons, but because my head is so messed up, I am being selfish and don't care. I want what I want and I want it. I would even take a fraction of what I want. But he probably thinks that would lead into other things. But we are never in a situation where it could lead to other things. We never see each other outside of work. The only way for that to happen is if we let it. I'm just so frustrated and messed up. So in the meantime, I avoid him, keep closed up from me (don't talk about personal things, don't smile around him). Basically ruining our so called working relationship. At this point I cannot give him what he wants. Which is a happy going working relationship where I talk to him about anything and he talks to me about nothing. One sided. I can't smile anymore. Well, my kids are the only thing in my life that makes me smile. I keep hoping in time things will change. I doubt he will open up to me. I doubt he will ever want from me what I want from him. And that just kills me. I wish he wasn't so afraid. All I want from him right now is a very close friendship. What does that mean? Openess to talk about most anything. Intimate conversations (phone, texting). Hugs, kisses, maybe sex. I want to feel close to him. I feel nothing. He gives me nothing. It's like I'm stuck on him and can't break free. And I'm trying like hell. Cry after cry. Avoiding after avoiding. Keeping to myself. I feel if I continue to do this, it will eventually work. If we remain friends after all of this it will be a miracle.

Your guy sounds like he wants reasurance from you of your feelings for him. That could be why he keeps asking you and trying to pull it out of you. If you tell him about your feels, he should talk to you about his. How does he really feel about you? Have you guys talked about how you both really feel for each other? What is keeping him with his wife? Kids? Money? What is stopping him from staying with you?

Your in a really hard position... it reminds me of when I met my ex two boyfriends ago.. It took him four years to finally open up. In that four years that I was waiting. I spent my time just being "one of the boys" hanging out with the group of people he did and him and I hardly ever talked and when we did it wasn't relationship talk it was usually talk about the other guys and their girlfriends. He used to drive me insane! I would call him when I was at a party and ask him to come and hangout and he would say no that he just wanted to stay home and I'd get pissed and makeout with some guy... I couldn't say anything to him because I was so scared that he just didn't like me but I could tell in the way that he looked at me and the fact that the first night I had ever gotten drunk I ended up standing next to him with his arm around me and I didnt notice it till my brother inlaw came over and said something and he lifted his arms and acted like he didn't do anything but after that night it was completely cold again! It took large amounts of alcohol in both of us for him to slip his feelings out. During the time that I was waiting for him to come around, I didnt have a single boyfriend. I madeout with lots of them but I was waiting for him to lose my virginity. So finally after four years he just completely broke down and revealed all one night.. so ofcourse we got into a four month long off and on relationship. I still love him but I know were not ever going to be.. we're too different. But he will always be in my life. We talk every couple of months and send holiday and birthday greetings.. They eventually come around, if you dont leave first. I had to put up with him dating other girls and there were three month periods when we wouldn't talk at all.. it was crazy. I usually end up getting whatever I want. I dont know what exactly it is I do but I think alot of it is that I never stop trying for it.. even if it means I have to lead two lives to do it, meaning, lead the single, fun act like I dont care life during the day and when I go home at night just plan what I need to do to keep that person in my life while Im waiting for them to come around. I will play the "friend" for as long as it takes.

As far as my relationship right now.. Things are going pretty good with us. I just spent the last two nights with him and they were great. But the things keeping him from leaving is the whole package.. His son, everything he's ever worked for and his life. If he left, his wife would take everything. He couldn't get costody of his son because his job makes him travel, so it's not a stable home environment. He would be living in an apt with one car and have nothing. She's already said that she would make his life hell. She would take his home that him, his brother and his dad built with their bare hands and everything in it. His child support would be through the roof because she just cut her hours down at work and he is the primary provider. If she cuts her hours anymore he'll also have to pay alimony. He has a very comfortable life right now and I dont. I dont make as much as his wife and I live in an apt and have one car and have a whole hell of a lot of things. So if he left it would be like going from being 34 with a set life to being 20 and just starting out again. So if he and her can divorce on mutual terms, it would be the best. meaning he has to wait till she wants one. She's appearently trying to fix things in their marriage but she's still not happy with it. They have some good days when they get along but those are usually days that they dont really talk to eachother. So things havent really been fixed there just adjusting to dealing with it. It's like their shrink gave them a pain killer that just numbs it and doesn't make the problem go away. So now they are both stuck in a marriage that they dont really want to be in but neither can leave because now there's not a big enough reason to leave "or so it seems." Im afraid that if they keep going at this the way they are that it's going to build and build and they will have a blow out fight like the first two times the filed for divorce but the difference is now.. their son is five years old and will never forget a fight like that if they do it again. I can remember like it was yesterday, my parents fought my whole childhood. I remember being six years old and screaming at the top of my lungs for my parents to stop fighting and watching my dad through all of his things in a trash bag and telling me to stay and taking off in his truck. Then I would sit with my friend erin about the divorce my parents were getting. This happend almost weekly. My parents are still married 25 years now. And they still fight on almost a daily bases. They love eachother but they aren't meant for eachother but now they are both retired and at a point where divorce doesn't make sense. For one they are in debt over their head, they are eachother's bestfriend and worst enemy, they couldn't make it on their own at this point. But had they divorced when I was 4,5,6 years old. Things would probably be way different. I was prepared for it at that age. I was perfectly fine with it then. People are crazy for thinking that age will make them understand, it wont.. it makes it so much worse. At five years old. They know what's going on but it's easier for them to adjust then when there 15 and going through major changes in their life already and dont adjust to change well. It's like, move a kid before highschool and they'll fit right into a new school. Move them in the middle of highschool and your going to hit a big bunch of problems!!!

So yeah anywayz!! Lover boy and I have talked about our feelings many times. like once or more a month I go in to girl mode and get all mushy and cry my eyes out and make him talk to me about his feelings. He would like to think that Im more into this then he is.. that's simply not true. I think he's the one that really keeps us going and cant split from me. I never ever call him. He calls me every day, when he says he cant see me one night, I shrug it off and say ok then later that night he's calling me to come over. He talks about me going out with other guys as something I should do but quickly changes his mind when I actually go to do so. I still do. and then he cant drop it. I hear about it forever. He'll tell me that he'll keep in touch when he can that we cant talk every day but ive yet to see the day come when I dont hear from him. I just go with the flow and he's trying his hardest not to lose me. But he doesn't see that. He hasn't really realized that he's caught up. or at least he's just been lying to himself and me trying to convence both of us of that. I let him think that I believe that but Im not stupid and I reasure myself of that everytime he slips and falls for my mushy talk!lol.

Well let me know how things go.. keep me informed. While your waiting for mr. right to come around show him that you have a life. Show him something that he would like to have. remember two lives.. oh and go out for drinks with the girls this weekend not to like a bar but go to a bar and grill, like Chuys if you have one. Bars are a little two wild. Bar and grills are more laid back, relaxing, still a little wild if you girls make it that way. (sounds better to the hubby) Do Margueritas! It's almost summer so start acting like it. Take a trip to the beach, if your near one. Hangout with your girlfriends as much as possible. That's what got me through the wait time with my ex. Get your nails done, get yer her did, lol. Take the kids swimming at a girlfriends house and you guys make drinks and play music and gossip. Get those things in your life back so that the wait goes by a little faster and you dont think about it all day every day.. you save that for when your going to bed.

I haven't been able to talk to anyone about my life. It seems that there are so many other woman that are in the same boat as me...some are more intense then mine, though regardless of the true reason why it all happens...its all so very hard on the soul.

I met this man almost 2 years ago. I met him in a chatroom. I had a few girlfriends that I would chat with in there that made me laugh. Then there he was. My marriege at the time wasnt broken or destroyed. It wasn't in the best of terms, but it wasn't horrible. I was a lil lonely with his busy bee schedule at work and my busy bee schedule with the kids, friends, and other duties that were on my plate. Anyways, I met him. We just chatted as friends. Making each other laugh. I knew he was married from the beginning and he new the same from me. He knew that I had children as well as he did. I knew that he wasnt happy at all in his marriage. Right away I should have lost touch with him, but I chose to talk to him to assure him that everything was going to be okay. My weakness always being there for people in time of crises. Though its a wondeful characteristic, but it can backfire on you. It did. After two weeks of talking with him casually, still nothing remotely sexual. He told me that he was falling in love with you. Honestly, my heart skipped a beat. I knew that I didnt love him, but I cared about him. I know that he needed me. To listen, to encourage, to inspire him. It felt nice knowing that I was needed in that manner. Well soon, I started to think that I had feelings for him. Maybe it wasnt even attraction or desire, it was the fact that he needed me....I was in love with that.

After a month of this relationship, I told my husband that I had met someone online and that I thought that I cared about him. It was eating me up inside. I knew that I owed my husband the respect to tell him. Well I decided to discontinue the relationship. My husband was 100% understanding and confessed that maybe he wasnt there for me and allowed he to love him like I felt I needed to and that he didnt love me back the way he needed too.

This man that I met. He's a wondeful man. He's a wonderful father. I know that he's from a not so great childhood. As well as me, my father worked all the time and wasnt home much..so a mans attention is so important to me. He has been to Iraq and that alone can have a man broke and depressed. He needed me to help him and I wanted to.

I found this sight and read every letter that was sent in. I started to think about why I did what I did and why he cant let me go. Why he feels so lost with out me if he hasnt heard from me in a week or so. I feel him needing me. I feel is depression. I feel him...I dont know if this makes anysense?!?!

I knew from the beginning that he wasnt going to leave his children for me. Deep down I knew that there could never be a US! I just have become someone new in my own skin. He has taught me to be free, alive, confident, and feel that I can do anything. I know he has changed too. He told me that he's not the same man he used to be, because he found me. He feels restored, confident, alive, strong, he feels like superman. I know its because I have always been available when he needed me. Whether it be to listen, to uplift him, to inspire him, to believe in him, being his best friend, someone that builds him up in every area of his life, wheter he needed me sexually...I know he needs that from me. I can't call. Only by email can I communicate to him. He does all the contacting.

I read that last email that was sent here about how these men may say that they love you but deep down they truely respect their wives more. Hell I respect her more then myself at this time. I can't even phathom that he may not truely love me........it hurts, but is it the truth??!?! Does he love that I can he here for him when he's stressed, down, overwhelmed, anger, confused?!?!?! Does he come to me because he LOVES the comfort that I give him. I know that he releases through me. I dont want to sit here and type as if he's a ASS. I know his heart. I feel that I truely know him more then anyone. He has shared his fears, his dreams, is eveything. I'm humbled by this.

My husband has been more then understanding. He has done everything to keep me happy. I think deep down inside he knows that I might still be talking to this other man. I can't hurt my husband anymore. I can't take care of this other man anymore. I can't justify things anymore. I have cut all contact from him. I haven't emailed him. I haven't returned his texts. He wants to call me tomorrow. I know that I can't answer when he calls....and it kills me. I cant be here for him and that kills me!! Does this all sound so silly?!?!

Throughout this entire affair deep down I have always thought about is wife. I'm not saying this to make me look like the one not at fault. I'm a FAULT! We are both at fault. Honestly, I love him. I truely do. His happiness is so important to me. I care about his well being. So I have never been strong enough to not let him go. I have tried many times, but never been strong enough to tell him that I can't take care of him anymore and be here for him like he needs me too. At this point. The thought of not communicating with him makes me sick to my stomach. I'm so sad. I'm broken. I'm not happy as he is. I'm tired. I want to be happy. I owe my husband so much. He's such a great man, and he deserves to be loved by a woman that he can call only his own....he doesnt deserve this. I don't blame my husband. I blame myself.

If you are reading this and can relate. I'm trying to realize that I can be forgiven. That I'm not a horrible person. I know what is right and so do you. Deep down hidden under all the passion, desire, love, wounds...we ALL know what is right.

If we truely love these men that we are involved in...and there isnt one cell in my being that doesnt beleive that to be true. We will let them go. We will let them turn to their wives for comfort, love, encourage, inspiration, passion, love making. We have to help them to open up to their wives and communicate to them as they do with us.

If we truely love ourselves. We have to let them go and be strong. We have to love our own husbands. Take care of them, and be there for them in times of crises. We have to let our husbands make us feel worthy, beautiful, young, alive, and sexy!

Loving two men isnt possible Im finding. I dont feel that we were created to have a heart that loves to men wholeheartedly.... I will walk away from this relationship with no regreats...I have grown from this. I appriciate the lil things in life. I feel that I have helped him do the same.

I pray what ever level or stage you may be in that you look deep down and rethink your descions that may follow you in the future. I could never JUDGE or look down on anyone of you. We are human and we make descions that might not have been made....we cant take back the past, nor would be really want to, what has happened is what it is. Just learn from it. Grow from it. Be strong from, and stand clear from it!!!!!!!

Martina

Okay I have minutes before the site goes down for maintnance.... Love and I are doing good. I just hit a super scary time tho.. Im 4 days late for my period!! If Im pregnant, there's gonna be alot of stuff happen.. I was planning not to tell him if I was just to save him the worry and just wait untill he noticed but he alreay knows im late cause I cant lie to him for anything. So he's been worried and asking every day if I started, I almost want to tell him I did just so it would be a secret if I was but once he found out it would be a big fight and probably lead to speculation that it isnt his, just out of confusion and frustraition. So basically if I am, he'll know as soon as I know. Im scared cause I know he'll tell his wife and that's going to make me sad because that means their split would be because of me in her eyes and he promised me that he would never leave her for me that it would be because of their problems. I think it would be best if he kept it a secret, started the divorce as soon as we find out if it's positive and then once Im towards the end we could pretend that I just told him that I kept it a secret that way the divorce is close to the end and they will have already settled everything and it doesn't look like he left her for me that I was just a hook up from one drunken night or something and he decides after finding out that he wants to be with me. It happens... I've seen it happen (IN REAL LIFE)not just the movies. But I know he'll act impulsively and stupidly tell her right away. You know having a girlfriend in another city is one thing but having another family is completely different. It wont be able to be a secret forever because he cant turn his back on his blood so we would just have to figure out the best way to bring it out. anyway.. I'll keep you posted and let you know if I am or not.. ttyl

Ok, Im going in for a blood test in just a few hours. I am 10 days late now and I have tested negitive on hpts 5 times now. The last test I took was this morning. He is convenced Im not pregnant but I really am not sure considering I haven't missed a period in probably 5 or 6 years. I went to the store yesterday and spent over $200 in baby stuff. My sister, my sister's step sister, my sisters cousin and my bestfriend are all pregnant and due in a few months so if I turn out not to be then everything is going to them but if it turns out I am then I'll keep the stuff for my own and just give them what I already bought for them. if Im pregnant then I'll be due on my ex's sister's birthday which is also the same date as if you take my birth date and minus daddy's birth date. It's really wierd. I was just playing around yesterday playing old games like MASH and true love and I took our birth dates and subtracted them and the date that came up was Jan 20, the day I would be due if it turns out I am. Part of me is scared to death but then the other part of me is going to have a mega break down if the test comes back negitive. He's going to die if I am. I told him that I tested earlier today and it was negitive and that I think he's in the clear that he wont be having anymore kids yet at least from me and he said "Thankgod." I couldn't reply back to him. It really upset me that he was so happy about not having a baby with me. I know deep down that he was probably just talking about having kids in generaly but Im just in a wierd place right now and want to believe the worst about everything. He's told me before that if He was single that the whole baby situation would be different. So I know Im just putting too much thought into it but I cant help it. I get really upset every time I take an hpt and it comes out negitive. I should be happy Im not pregnant but I think deep down I really want my own baby. Im with my niece and nephew every day and night but it's not the same as having someone that who get to shape and mold and raise the way you think is the right way and not just having to do what someone else wants you to do. I mean my sister loves me as a babysitter because Im the only one that actually takes care of her kids the way she would but theres things I would deffinately do different and I think Im just really wanting that chance. To prove I'd be a good mom. You know I really wonder if He'll ever leave and if I will get the chance to be mommy by him making me a mommy. Part of me really thinks yes and the other part is saying shut up you fool, you know it's never going to happen, stop living in a fairytale, cinderella. Well, ok.. I'll let you all know the results when I find out. ttyl

Okay so back when I was ten days late I took a blood test and it was negitive. I still was not convenced. Today would be the exact 2 week mark. I got up this morning and went pee and I started bleeding. I know it's for the best but it still makes me sad. I love him and would love to be his childs mom but I know that now would not be a good time for that. He was so happy when my blood test came back negitive and that really hurt me because I wasn't so happy. He doesn't want me to have a baby right now. He says that wether or not I had a baby with him it would be a tragedy because Im too young and I have so many things to do. I know all of that, it's just that part of me believes that he doesn't really care about all of that stuff, that he just says that because he doesn't want me to start wanting to get pregnant. Well, no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't do it without his permission and his help. I would feel too bad about it. Our one year anniversary is coming up on the first! June 1st!! The movie Knocked up comes out on that day... it was the funniest thing when I told him about the movie and said I really want to go see it. He said that day was bad luck and he's not doing anything on that day and that I shouldn't be watching movies like that... I think he was kidding (It was funny to see him freakout)but right after we talked I started to think about it and what he said was really mean!! He said our anniversary is bad luck! Then proceeded to tell me the other day that with me leaving for school for 6 months and all of the work breaks we've had from his work that we were really only together for probably 50 days not a year.. That is extremely mean to say. I have talked to him almost every single day thruout the whole day for a year and he only counts the days that we've actually have been in the presence of one another! 50 days is a month and 20 days.. that's bullshit. Before I left we were together for a month straight then I came back 3 times for a week at a time then when I moved back we were together for all of Feb then his work changed to 2 or 3 days every two weeks and thats what its been since then. It's been more than 50 days. If we hadn't had a first night we wouldn't be where we are now and that's a bad thing?? From the way I see it, it was a very good thing for him. He's the one that calls me every day. I never ever call him!! So if I wasn't here now, what would he be doing?? HUH? GUH, guys piss me off! I swear sometimes its so hard being 3rd best... it goes himself, his son, then me. I love the fact that he is a loving parent and is confident and has a ton of self respect and esteem but sometimes I wish he wouldn't rub that in my face so much. Just so that I can have a little myself... Guys dont see what it does to a girl when they shoot down something they hold so high. We dont care about other girls opinions, that's why we tell them everything but we seldom spill are hearts to guys because we value their opinion so much and when they shoot us down it destroys us. They are so powerful when it comes to our hearts and respect and they just dont get it. They think we are the same way they are. Guy's tend to value guys opinions more than girls so when we say shit to them they dont care and expect us to be the same way. They think that were just gonna listen to our girlfriends over them anyway and everything they tell us is just going to go in one ear and out the other. so they dont filter alot of what they say. Well, a girl is more likely to dump her bestfriend over what her boyfriend thinks of her than a guy is to dump his best over what she thinks of him. They just dont understand and it makes it very frustraiting because blowing up at him isn't going to solve the problem because they dont see the problem in the first place. You cant punish someone for being stupid. And that's what they are, they are stupid in girl world. You know just like a few weeks ago. I got the flu so bad my head was practically glued to a toilet and I couldn't move or I'd vomit and the first thing out of his mouth is "Why are you throwing up?" implying that it's because I'm pregnant.. when I told him why he said "thank god, at least it's not something else." I flipped. I was in no mood or condition to take that kind of shit and I told him that he just said an asshole comment and I explained that Im so sick I cant move or I'll vomit and I hurt so bad from head to toe that I want to cry and all your worried about is if Im pregnant. He of course apologized and everything but i hate having to explain why everything is wrong. I shouldn't have to explain. They should just know the things that are wrong to say and do. If i had said something like that to him he'd totally disregard it but let one of his buddy's say something that implies that he doesn't care and he'd get a fuck you dude! Why dont guys think? I've given up. I dont even say anything when he fucks up. It does no good... all it shows is that I know just how to make everything negitive and that Im just like every other girl. I've told him that Im no different than any other girl that I want to just be a big bitch to him at times and yell and scream and fight and do stupid things. and he just keeps telling me that Im not, that's not who I am, I could never be like that. It drives me crazy!! Dont tell me who I am. I can be those things I just choose not to because it really wastes my time with him because he is just so stupid to everything that involves a girl and her feelings. It really sux. Im one of the guys trapped in a girls body. He's too comfortable with me. He's not even like this with his wife. He walks on pins and needles and watches every little thing he says to her or tells her. She knows nothing about who he is. It's sad but aleast she actually gets to express herself and be herself. I cant be my self with him. He's too open to me. He shows me his stupidity. Girls always talk about how they want that so much.... no you dont. You dont want to feel bad about any time you yell at him for hurting you or doing something because you know he didn't mean to do it, that he's just stupid. It sounds cute and all but it's not.. it hurts more because you are forced to keep your feelings inside because you'll hurts his feelings more if you tell him... He'll feel stupid, foolish and about an inch tall all because of something he didn't know he did. I just want to not know that sometimes. I dont want to know everytime that he didnt know he was hurting me. I can read him way too well. It also saddens me that he doesn't know me that well. My ex knows me so well... I dont keep anything back from him. We fight all the time and I sound like a crazy psycho bitch with him but we get along and I dont hide shit from him. There's no need to... I dont worry about hurting his feelings. Altho, I dont really know a whole hell of a lot about him and I cant always read him like he can me. Okay, Well.. I should go. Im talking way too much about nothing and I know it's because I just started and it was a 2week delayed period so im like overly emotional and yeah. So I'll write later when my mind doesn't thro me off on a tangent! ttyl Im so glad I have this board! i dont know what I would do without it.

Hello, I'm julia I'm in the same boat as you. Only i have a child by my married man. She is 5 yrs old. She was not planned but she is here. My married man adores her. I have been his mistress for 10 yrs. I didnot plan it, It just was not told to me that he was married until after we was together 2 yrs. I go threw a lot with him. I know i should move on but i can't figure out how without hurting myself. The best part of my life was spent with this man. And i have a fear of starting over. I'm 45 years old he is 53 yrs old. If i had advise to give someone i would say never be with a married guy unless you like to hurt yourself. I have been totally faithful to this man. I feel bad that he has a wife and real guilty. But i just feel i would crawl under a rock without him. I know he loves me, but i will always come second to his family. His children our grown up. I think certain type woman get involved with a married person i just don't know why. I plan on stop seeing this man if i can figure out how to move on with my life without destroying myself mentally in the process. I have no family here. My friends our his friends. My family is his family. I know nobody else. I hope maybe to find a pen pal to talk to. Julia

I'm at least glad i can write about everything here and noone judges me. Tonight i did not have to do anything to make him mad. He came over and told me that i should move on because he has no time for me. He will be working alot cause he needs the money. I told him i was leaving town to stay with my daughter for a week. and he just blew up. He said i told you to move on. I'm not going to have a phone for you to call me. I'm getting it shut off. Now we have a 5 yr old daughter and i don't know what he is thinking on that part she can not disapear for him. We have been having fights over the little time he spends with us. I think i have put to much pressure on him and now he wants nothing to do with me. Or he is trying to work things out with his wife. I was really hurt and started to cry. I really can't take the rejection that was coming out of his mouth. He sounded like he was trying to hurt me. In the last 2 weeks he has been coming over drunk. He tells me he's crazy over me and that he loves me. But then out of the blue he wants to end it. I don't understand what i did that was so wrong. I know i cannot make him spend time with me. I don't want to make him. I know i love this man unconditionally. I have always waited on him. But i have grown tired of it. I want more and i know i can't have it, so i will have to figure out how to go on without him. Please if anyone can help Email me at Jadasmom69@aol.com I'm really hurting here.

i know how you feel the man i am with did divorce his wife at least that what he says we have been together now for 5 years i lost my marriage to this affair that grew into a nightmare he lies and cheaats on me all the time he just bought a harley and every weekend he is gone,,i don't know if he still sees his wife but they talk all the time,,and they like to play games with my head i know he puts me down around her and her friends i believe he is also messing around with other women,,he keeps saying i need to go to work,,he has been supporting me all this time and truthfully i can't go to work i spend all my time obsessed with this problem i have one friend she sees the way he is ,,its so bad i thought i wouldn't make it,,but i would like to talk to you we could probabaly help each other alot,,the bottom line is we need to cut them out of our lives i haven't called him in about 3 days and i don't want to this is a positive step in my life,,he has destroyed i was very confident and self reliant when i met him and he spent alot of money on me and was very charming once he knew he had me ,,then it all changed help is on the way call me at 209 513 5028 maybe we can get rid of these dogs,,my name is heather..or e-mail me at dalyh@comcast.net

Its amazing that all you men or woman have no respect for yourselves or others My husband cheated on me and broke my heart I live with it everyday. We forgot how to talk and be thoughtful to each other. Sometimes I wonder if it was a wake up call to save my marriage. She never got his heart, it always stayed with me and if you think that little of yourselves to sleep with a heartless man or women then I wish you the best of luck and watch out for bad carma.

What comes around goes around
Men cheat for the sex!
Women cheat for love and affection!!

hey im seeing a married man too i dont really know what to do but i already know that we can not be together for ever and i am already really attatched...it does hurt me cause i know he cares for me but i come second too......i dont ever wanna hurt him and i also feel guilty..but i dunno how to talk to him about it without him getting angry or uncomfortable so.....yea guess we are in the same boat and i hope im not pregnant.....

I believe we all are very sorry about this situation, if it makes any sense we are not heartless people trying to steal some husband's affection or money or even sex; We are human beings in love, yes in love... that strange enormous feeling you wives feel for your husbands and they feel for you, we are mostly sorry to love somebody that does not loves us and even though they do we could never be together because you came first and they loved you first.

We do not have any intention to hurt or harm anybody else's feelings, we sometimes even prefer to be hurt than hurt others; and you're right about lots of things, we all dirty misstresses know about it, we don't deserve to be threated like this, we deserve single men and you wives or husbands deserve a quiet life with the ones you love but this is something we just never saw it coming, you start talking to somebody or even going out and the next thing you stupidly know is you can't resist a day without talking to him or seeing him; from one day to another you're just in love, waiting... for one word, one hug... one single moment for him to run away from his home and be with you...

I am in love with a married man and I know how bad it is, and I am so damn sorry with everything in the world, I spend most of my time thinking about what could it be if he was single, I do the strangest most imbecile things to be with him and I truly hate this feeling but there is nothing I want to do about it, I know what to do and I could do it but I hate my self for not wanting to do it just yet. I hate liying to my parents and friends, I hate having no considerations or importance in his life because I came to late and he does not even deserve to change his life and unbalance everything he's got just for me.

Thanks for this, for all your comments, its really sad to be like this but please never forget we all can make something about this, once we get tired enough or sad enough we are going to leave it, maybe with some help and lots of tears on the way but we can... just don't wait to long and try enough to never hurt or tell anybody else because there are lots of people that don't need to suffer for our sins.

Yes they like us, maybe they love somebody of you (because I know he doesn't love me for sure) but always have in mind they're not going to leave everything behind not even when they love, it's their life we are talking about, it's what they are ... what we are trying to enter.

Above all, I'm happy when he's around, I have lots of ilusions and dreams for him and with him, What can I say? I love him... I truly do. Please, take care and don't judge before hearing or knowing what the sluts (us as society calls cheaters) have to say.

Thanks to all, it's been great for me to write this.

Okay. So yea, Ive been seeing, well you know, having sex with this married guy going on almost a year. We are both firefighters at the same station, thats how we met. He's only been with 2 girls his entire life, me and his wife. His wife never has sex with him, its been over a year in fact, but he just wont let her go. He claims he is happy, but no sex?? How could you be happy, and if that were the case, why would he be with me? I have fallin in love with this guy, so I just dont know what to do. They dont have any kids.
He tells me all the time that he wishes he woulda met me 5 yrs ago, because he would be with me, but I guess its too late.
WHAT SHOULD I DO!!!!!????

The person that I've been seeing is firefighter. My question to you is....is it easy as a firefighter to have an affair?
I am sorry that youre going through this tough situation. How is it that we get ourselves in these predicaments. haha
I do wish you luck and hope that you find your way to true happiness.

Leslie

Hello!!!
My name is Ruth,i saw your profile today at (web4health.info) site and became intrested in you,i will also like to know you the more,and i want you to send an email to my email address so i can give you my picture for you to know whom i am.Here is my email address (ruth4lovegarba@yahoo.com ) believe we can move from here!I am waiting for your mail to my email address above.(Remeber the distance, colour or language does not matter but love matters alot in life.

i saw your post and im just suprised.not in a bad way,ill never judge no one because their human.im in the same boat also i relate.i met a guy in 02.i instantly feel for him.unfortunately he was involved with a family member who didnot want him.i saw him as a sweet,misunderstood man who needed a woman to appreciate him. throughout the years we crossed paths.i promised myself if it was meant to be he would come my way.last year my lil sister worked at this factory and she was telling me about this guy that fit my cuties description.find out it was him.i seen it as a sign.to show him my interest,i gave him a present of his favorite team(men dig that and being the youngest and only girl i had a advantage on men,most of the time)he immediately called me and thanked me during his break and we talked about every thing.i told him my intentions towards him and he didnt reject me.we became intimate and he told me he was with someone but wasnt happy.so we talked and hung out all the time except certain times cause him living with his girl.i was happy and sad and the same time.now im not the one to fall in love quickly.i can be with out a man but something about this man to this day i love with a passion.any way one day my sister told me that it was rumors he was married which i didnt believe.i wanted to catch him in the act of lying and eventually slipped up and told me his wife need him to pick up his stepdaughter.that broke my heart.i shouldve left him alone but i couldnt.i wrote poems (if youre interested in reading a few ill be happy to send a couple to you if you email me.www.geminiqt581@yahoo.com)about 5 books worth based on my ups and downs of being involved with this man.his dumb ass later told me his wife was pregnant and that hurt me but on the other hand i realized why im mad hes married.i guess his wife suspected something because she called me and lied and said she was looking for a female friend.i didnt know it was his wife until he told me she looked on the phone bill and saw my number.if she was going to ask me dumb ass questions,play on my phone and other stupid shit then i could give her the same.but i dont do that.my ego is too damn big to stoop to her level.basically im just gonna let her be dumb,be immature and paranoid and push him away,which she is doing,and hell come to me.simple as that.i used to feel bad but i dont no longer cause shes immature.find out she work at a place my family member work at and i was invited to a picnic and he was there.and so was she.i wish i couldve took a picture of his face when he saw me-priceless.he kept on looking my was and i even flirted with some men and a few days later he called upset and he told me he really cares about me.i try my best to keep my guard up but i cant when it comes to him.hes my favorite flavor and the second best guily pleasure(cheesecake #1)i know what i need to do but i love love his man. i even want to have his babies.it feels good to actually vent out without no one judging me.definitly couldnt be contradictive,not me.i hope you all who have this dilema will have the strengh to finally make that decision we know whats in our hearts,minds and sprits.good luck and god bless you all

Hey girls,
I am so happy I found this forum now, it really made me stronger.
I am in the same boat too. I am divorced, lonely, ..etc
Met this "wonderful man" who keeps travelling for me and making me things I never experienced before. But guess what. I deserve better, you too all desreve better. We deserve to live in the light. We deserve to have children, we deserve to have someone completely devoted to us. If we only think how "great they are" then why aren't they that great with their wives??? or at least why don't they have the enough courage to face their problems. Stand up and say they are not happy anymore and they need to leave.
I guess we all have a similar problem is that we need to love ourselves more, think highly of ourselves and KNOW that we deserve better, even if not now. I guess we all have to encourage each other.

Anyone with a married man....leave him, leave him, leave him!!!

I was with a married man for SEVEN years. He told me all the things that all you women have heard. "I'm waiting for _____ (insert reason) before I get a divorce." Then its another reason....and another. And I bought it, every freaking time.

We have a 5 1/2 month old baby girl. When I got pregnant, his world crashed--and that's when he "woke up from the fantasy world he'd been living in". That's when he realised what we were doing was a sin. It took pregnancy for him to figure that out. He wanted to have a baby with me. In August 2006, we had a fight about him not moving in with me. He said, "Lets have a baby." ARE YOU NUTS??? He said it would be his way to prove to me he was gonna leave his wife; his way to prove his senserity to me. I had medical problems and didn't think it was possible to get pregnant--neither did he. When I got pregnant, all he could say was "I didn't think it could happen" (Then, why the hell did you say it to begin with?!).

Life is messy as hell. He's still with his wife. HE TOOK OUR LOVE CHILD AROUND HIS WIFE. I caught him and flipped out over him taking MY daughter around his wife. What kind of man would do that? How could he look his wife in the eye and present proof of an affair? How could she accept that? We've made a civil agreement that he can take Lily, but she is not to be around his wife....at all. Maybe it's jealousy. Maybe it's a "mommy thing". I don't know...but I don't want MY daughter around his wife. (Plus, for years, he's told me what a horrible mother she is to his son's).

I was head over heels in love with him for years. Our relationship was never based on sex. We were close friends for over a year, we fell in love...and then we had sex. (After a couple of years, we had sex like "married couples"--once/twice a week at the most. Everyone told me, "He's just after the piece of a$$...but it was never like that. It was more emotional and spiritual). He was my ultimate best friend. He made me so happy...we laughed all the time. He was my soul mate--until I got pregnant. We broke up countless times because we knew it was wrong...but there was a "force" that always drove us back together (litterally, something always pulled us back together). We set countless "deadlines" for divorce and we always bumped the date up. Our last deadline was September 22, 2006--if by then he hadn't moved out of his/his wife's house, we were OVER--that was IT!! September 20, 2006....TWO days before the deadline, I find out I'm pregnant. I've always believed that everything happens for a reason. Maybe the "force" wanted us to be tied together forever. I don't know. It's weird. He's a cop and I was a waitress when we met. Now, I work at a hotel. When I was pregnant, we broke up. I was robbed at my hotel and he was the responding officer. Something always pulls us together. It's like, we're meant to be (or were supposed to be)...but that's not how it is now.

It hurts. It really hurts. It hurts that we had so much history and love...and now, we're barely co-exsisting with a baby. He's hurt me like nobody has ever...or could ever. If he left his wife today, I tell people I wouldn't accept him. But, in all honesty...I think I would. Even after all the hurt, I think I'd open my arms, heart, soul, and house to him. (What is wrong with me?)

But, I'm by no means trying to judge or tell anyone what to do, but I wish none of you ever feel the pain I have. And to bring a child into this mess--and to have to deal with him and his wife at least for the next 17 1/2 years. It hurts. It hurts so bad. If your man comes up with excuse after excuse for not leaving his wife, chances are he never will. If he really wants to be with you....he'd do it immediately. Best wishes to all. ((((hugs))))

Sorry at your story. A man w/o a backbone. Seems like a guy who likes to fool people and get away with sordid things while remaining 'nice' in their eyes. I am sure the wife suspects nothing. Why not burst his little bubble and let the wife see her step daughter? She deserves to see the truth. You wrote that your ex took the child to the wife- how did he explain to her the child? Were you around? Does she know about you? And as for the very very late 'realisation' about 'sin'- its convenience. You are right- you deserve better- make sure he pays child support. Also let the child have his surname- children are entitled to parent,s wealth.

omg! i am a psychology student in my final year too!
my situation is also whacked. i've been hooking up with this guy and two others (just got out of a four year relationship, i'm a bit wild), and i had no idea that he was married until the other night.
i found out when we were VERY messed up on drugs together and he started thinking i was his wife!
the messed up thing was that i thought he was my ex for a few minutes as well!
we are TOTALLY connected, and i am experiencing what i believed love was (from the connection i had with my ex) in the most intense way possible.
we are so linked when we are together, its kinda like we are the same person.
he has the habit of mummbling what he's thinking, pretending that i cant understand it... but i can!
when our feelings come in "waves", he'll say things under his breath about loving me, marrying me, or me having his son....
i acknowlege that i understand the crap hes telling me by just saying "yeah"
hes older, is/has been married (havnt really cleared that up, his wife might live in another country), clearly sleeping with other people (one of the others left a hicky on his back in responce to a "well-placed" bruise of mine) ---as am i though---, and kinda an asshole
yet i have the stangest feelings for him.
he either has a "cheaters pad" seperate from the home he has with his wife, or she is elsewhere... havent figured that out
he has expressed a good deal of intrest in my ability to bear children.
and even though i am a "spermicidal maniac" i have the feeling that i would carry a son for him...... how messed up is that!

dude, i have finals coming up, two other guys to satify, and all i have in my head is this crap!

i feel like we are playing a "game". everything is measured, who calls who, what days of the week, who's turn it is ... yada yada yada

i am like the "other woman" from hell, i would HATE it if my husband met me! this is why i do feel a bit guilty knowing that he may be commited to another woman.

however, the other bitchs he has going on right now have NOTHING on me, so that's a good feeling.
sadly, the other guys i have going on have nothing on him.

ah, i just saw that we are in the same place in our lives, dealing with similar crap and saw it as a good place to vent.... plus i feel embarrassed admiting my feelings for this guy to anyone --- i gotta keep my head in this game!

************if anyone who knows me or knows the person i am talking about is reading these please NEVER tell me or him!*******************

Jesus Christ!!! You're a Psychology student and you are doing drugs?!!!
When you are out doing your job; are you still going to do drugs and then tell families how to live? You're a disgrace to the Psychology world! Get your act together so that you can be worth something in the long run!! GROW UP!!!

Lady, Get into rehab. Rest will take care of itself. Also- how much credence do you put in the ramblings of a drug addict? I agree, clean up your act NOW. for your own sake.

im sixteen years old. i had one boyfriend in 6th grade. and been single ever since. i don't like relationships, im a free spirit. but in 7th grade i met this guy whos parents are pretty much my parents best friends. he is eighteen and had a girlfriend. i called him my cousin for the longest time, although deep down i thought he was just gorgeous. then last summer he called me and asked if he could come over but it was 11 at night and i had school the next morning. i thought about sneaking him in. but his girlfriend just had a baby. but then agian he said he didn't want to marry her and that it was a mistake. so i let him come over. we didn't do anything. but the next couple times i sneaked him in they got intense and i was falling for him. we broke it off as summer ended. and then in october he married his girlfriend of 5 years whom he had a baby with. in the mean time i messed around with one of my moms friends husbands, who 13 years older than me, making him 29. and a few other taken guys. i know its bad but i can help it. but anyways he 18 yerar old called me a few days ago and asked if i wanted to hang out. it was 1 in the morning. so i left my house knowing i had school he next day. once agian we didn't have sex. im still a virgin. he said he would do it with me, except he wants me to find someone special. he told me he didn't want things to get too serious between us. b/c he doens't know if he wants to take his marriage seriously yet. i want to have sex with him. i think he is the one for me. and as i write this i know i sound psynical but im not.

you are not cynical. but confused. pl for your own good and for a happy futre, speak with your mum.

hi ladies..i too was in love with a married man.19 years ago..he had a son..i had a daughter she was 2 at the time....i ended up pregnant..we had a son..he did leave hes wife for us..we are still togther today..our son is 15 now..my daughter is 20 and his son was 31..just recently passed away..sometimes i ask myself if maybe me being pregnant was the only reason he left his wife..if that were the case i wouldnt be here today..he told me i was never the fault for his marriage falling apart..little did i know he was just a whore dog..there was other women before me..i just happen to be the one ending up pregnant and ending up with him..he has never cheated on me..this i know..people do change..sometimes men do leave their other half..you just need to follow your heart..know what you want and how to get/keep it..keep in mind someday there may be a lady typing about being in love with our hubbys..and we not know it..Gracie

hi everone
i know what your talking about as i put my self throught it for 6 years but them 6 years was wasted on a married men WHY i can answer that but im now happy with my own man noone elses but im so proud i proved him wrong he thought id be his forever but im the lucky one i got out its the best move i done dont get me wrong i loved him so much and the affair was great but i wasnt happy i missed him when he wasnt there and i started to get depressed and cry myself to sleep wishing he was mind that part wasnt very nice belive me. one day i see him and his family at the park they was so happy it made me thimk what i was missing, so i walked away it was the hardest thing i have ever had to do as i still now love him and miss him he was my best friend for a long time hes still with his wife still not happy like they say but i can tell by the look in his eyes that its all lies and always was
it may seem like there is no way out it will hurt you so much but you need to be strong you all need to walk away with your chin up some of you may be lucky they may leave they wifes when they know what there missing, but the others wont care thats when you know your worth a lot more. i dont regret what i done they was prob the best 6 years for my life i learned so much but i im glad i got out.

I found the love of my life again 3 years ago. I have known this man for 21 years of my life. We drifted apart from each other. I moved to a different country and remain single. He got married and had a family. Fate has brought us back together. Things happen so fast and before I knew it 3 years had past and our relationship had grown more deeply. It was never planned. He is 48 years old and I am 44. Yes, we are matured individuals. I do believe in the power of LOVE. If it is meant to be, it will always find a way. I am very happy, never been happier in my life. I don't care what other people will say. I still don't know where it will lead us but I have faith. I believe that things happen for reason. God has brought us back together and HE will find a way. Positive or Negative what is important is that I have LOVED. It was a great feeling.

hello,, to all,,, sorry i have not gotten back to anyone,,, now i can get in and out of this site,,, so please try again and i will be able to be more attentive, thanks Tamala

ive been with my married man for 7 years now, i still love him and miss him like i always have but in my heart and head i know i need to get out im ready to walk away as i want what he cant give me(true love and happyness) but im so scared as hes my best friend and sole mate but i need walk away. but i dont know how to do it. any ideas.

To all here...I have been in the same boat. Once before for a completely different reason (I was in a bad marriage-i finally ended it) and now because I feel for some sick reason that I need to pay for what I did wrong before. I called the wife and told her. This person hurt me at a time in my life that was completely wrong. I was very vulnerable. He made me fall in love with him. I did not want to. I didn't even want to go there. I had no interest in him. But he fed me all the lines and I believed him when he said he loved me. He hurt me emotionally and mentally more than I have ever been hurt in my life and I have had completely horrible experiences to compare this too(not in this area).

I felt horrible for calling her, but I could not help myself. I cried and had to go on medication for almost a year. I am still deep down not over it. I deep down hope he will come to me and say he was sorry. I am really a realist and know this won't happen. I felt so horrible hurting his wife and family (one of my friends husbands said, "You broke the code"). My thought about this comment was, "Well excuse me, I didn't know there was a special code for affairs. Apparently he's a little more experienced in this department. Makes me feel very concerned for my close friend. He is a traveling businessman and I think we all know what traveling businessmen do. I would NEVER EVER get married to one.

Anyway back to my self flagelation. It is my own sick way of paying back for what I did to her. And I tell you what...it certainly is working...I'm afraid backfiring too. I know I need to stop and I will. I know all of us here will stop. It won't be easy. It will hurt. We all have the strength. All I think it will take for us is to know that one day we will crack and we will stop. (or maybe a great person will come and take us away from it all! wouldn't that be nice? Oh well...we can dream about it anyway). These men seriiously do not know how to love the right way. People who are married for a long time have to be good friends with their spouse. But most importantly they have to communicate well. If you can not have an adult conversation with your spouse than there is no marriage.

Good luck for all.

I just broke up my 4 years relationship with a married man. I was in my mid-20s at the time and he had just gotten married three months before we met. I had no idea he was married until 8 months later. It started out innocent enough,we met on online and started chit chatting regularly online for months. We didn't meet up until 5 months after we chatted. Normally, I would have very good instinct about this kind of stuff but the fact that he was able to spend night and travel with me really threw me off. Don't mistaken me for a gullible naive girl cause I'm not. I know there are people who read these messages and think "how stupid can you be" but you have no idea unless you've been there and in the exact predictment. I've always pride myself on being strong and confident and never let anyone especially a man step on me.

When he finally got the confident to confess to me that he is married and have a new born kid. I was furious cause I had no idea. I wasn't angry so much because I can't be with him, I was angry cause he took this innocent away from me and I'm not talking about virginity. My parents raised me well and I would've never thought I wouold be stuck in such a horrible situation. That I actually slept with a married man. I was disgusted with myself and I wanted to rip him up alive for destorying everything I ever believed in. I stormed out of the car and didn't see him for months.

Unfortunately, I guess fate has it that it wasn't the end yet. I was full of rage and wanted to hurt him the way he hurted me (too much pride can destory you). Well we started seeing each other again ( I liked him a lot but I wasn't in love with him yet). He treated me extremely well. I hear this all the time that married man will never make you priority, but you know what he did make me priority. No matter how much trouble he had to go through, whenever I wanted to see him, he was there. He never flaked out or was ever late to see me. He took care of me like I was the only person in his life.

I wasn't one to sit around and wait for him. I made myself available to date other men and didn't put my life on hold for him. I thought to myself as soon as I find a guy I really like, I'm gonna get rid of him. Another year passed by and I hadn't met anyone I wanted to commit to. He fell deeper and deeper in love with me, and after 2 years I started falling in love with him too. And that's when all the pain and agony came in. Even though I made myself available to date other men, I wasn't able to feel for anyone else because my feelings were all wrapped up and invested in a man that was unavailable. I started making him priority and flaking out on my friends and lying to them. Noone knows that I was dating a married man so I was living an invisible life.I felt so lonely and lost.

I tried many many times to break it off, but I couldn't. Recently, he introduced me to his daughter. He's been wanting to do this for a very long time cause he loves his daughter and wanted her to meet the woman he loves. When I met her, I felt this rush of sadness. When I look at her I see everything I'm doing wrong. I called him up the next day to let him know I can't do this anymore. I can't live like this. I told him even if he and his wife divorce, I still can't be with him and he asked me why and I said cause my family will never accept me being with a man that's been married and have a child. I told him it would never work out because he would lose his friends and a lot more if he chooses to me with me and quite honestly I don't think I can take all the scrutiny.

We had many beautiful memories and believe it or not a love that was deeper than anyone could imagine. But I felt like I wasted four great years of my life on a married man when I should've been trying to find happiness with someone who can really give me "everything". I could've been married by now and could've had a family, but now heading to my 30s, I'm starting over again with the biggest heartache. I don't think I'll ever be able to fully get over this man and there will always be this "what if or what could've been". The saddest part is I'm going to fall in love again one day but there will always be this longing in my heart for someone else. I love him but sometimes I resent him so much.

The reason why I wanted to share my story is because I want to finally let it out my system. When I was sad I wasn't able to turn to anyone cause he was a secret. You heard this many many times, but I'm going to say it again- you need to leave and move on because you're going to look back one day and regret all those years you wasted. Time can never rewind and believe me it moves rapidly. Trust me I know it's incredibly hard and heart-wrenching and may seem impossible to do but just remind yourself you deserve a man of your own. And maybe the married guy does love you a lot, but if that love is making you miserable and crying alone in your bed at night, you need to break free. Life is too short. If you are meant to be with him, you will find each other again in a better time, a better place. No matter what happens, you have to love yourself more than anyone else.

For the people who took time out to post a message, I thank you because you made me feel like I'm not alone and after reading all the stories, I feel stronger. I hope my story can help someone out there as well.

hi, let me share my feelings too.
I am currently married and am still in early 20s and because of having pain sometimes with my husband, like if i hear some gossips that hurts me a lot like girls, you know what i mean, like the typical gossips in a marriage relating a third party,it kinna changes my feelings for him and i dont know why, probably its the effect of hurtness, and also for got to mention we have 1 baby and she is 2 years old. but recently,i met someone, he is a married man and i think he has kids too, and he is like 25 years older than me i guess, so he is like my dad already=)actually he is my instructor, and i dont know why im having this kind of feeling for him, i dont know if im just admiring him or in love, its just that i cant understand what im feeling right now, as of now i dont know if what will im gonna feel because im trying to control my feelings but still i feel like i want to see him a lot and i keep on thinking of him everytime. honestly i dont like what im feeling right now because i know that i am a family person...but i just wanna get some advices or suggestions if what am i gonna do.the only thing that i know it can help me forget this feeling is not to attend my class anymore so that i couldn't see him? but i dont wanna drop my class i really wanted this and my problem is that everytime i see him my feelings gets deeper and it hurts me more everytime i think that i cant be with him. please help what should i do

its me again, well i just realize that i need to really control my feelings because of a lot of reason that i need to consider, i know that i wont get anything good about this, its just gonna be a world of lies, hurts etc...
anyway this is a nice website but for those who are still having problem with their heart by being in love with a married man try to search some love articles on line and youll find the answers that youre looking for because that what i just did. thank to all

I dated a married man for 25 yrs, just this past week his wife found out for the 2nd time about our affair. Now I guess it is over. This is very hurtful for me.

So I advise all you younger women, please don't get involved with a married man. Because you reap, what you sow. And you will really feel pain ,if the wife finds out.

Don't take the risk, I learned my lesson the hard way.

Lady 25 yrs is a life time. You two should have got married!

Hello. I guess no one can really say what a person or what the OW should do. We cannot tell them to leave or run away from their MM because each situation is different from each other. Sometimes the MM leaves the wife and live happily ever after with the OW. Some or most men are pigs and they don't have enough courage to tell the wife and chicken out in the end. I will say that Whatever happens or whatever the outcome the relationship will be, we should never have regrets because at one point of our life we became truly happy. I want to share the song of Greenday; Here goes:
Another turning point a fork stuck on the road
Time grabs you by the wrist
And directs you where to go
So make the best of this test and don't ask why
It's not a question but a lesson learned in time
It's something unpredictable
But in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life
So take the photographs and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good times
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For What it's worth It was worth all the while
ITS SOMEHING UNPREDICTABLE
BUT IN THE END IS RIGHT
I HAD THE TIME OF MY LIFE

Get it.. No regrets. Be positive. What is important is that we have love. As the saying goes. It is better to have loved and get hurt than never to have love at all.
Take care. Cheers..

strange lines -Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial. Isn't that all that is left?

i am 20. i am in a relationship with a married man(28 y.o). but unlike your stories, this man i have right now has been dumped by his wifey. the wife went abroad and now happy with another man. i still don't know what exactly to do neither what to decide on. my parents don't know that my boyfriend's already married. if they did know so, i might be killed. my boyfriend said that it would take sometime (at least 2 years) to settle the annulment case, of which i know for a fact. i love him. it is hard for me to say goodbye. i don't want him to feel the pain his wife gave him. give me advice about this. thank you.

Just be happy if you are happy with this man what does it matter if nobody else approves. It seems to me he is legally married but not with his wife it is not a crime to seperate and find love somewhere else.. So my advise is this if you are happy dont worry bout everyone just be happy and in love.

Well, althought you may love your married man I can tell you that he does not love you....wake-up you are just a boot-call. Not having a baby, not being with him for 2,3,4 years is not going to make him leave his wife. So now you have the burden of being a single parent because as soon as he knows of a child he's going to leave your ass faster than a heart attack. lol

Hi to all.
I need to share my story too.I feel I like my husband but in a way like a friend more than a lover. first I met him as a friend .he was so kind and he attracted me then I felt I love him but he was not in good situation for marriage so we have to hold on for many years.I just wanted him. after marriage a strange thing happend for my feeling, I felt He is not the One, he could not make me happy.things goes on... after 6 years I crush a guy who is a good father and nice husband! we fall in love and we met in secret but nothing seriouse happen between us.yesterday I wrote to him this email:
...
According to Darwin ’s Theory” in the Nature, the winner is the stronger”. I think this rule is working for the natural of the human society and it is true for human connections. For many reasons, people changes so they will need new friend or new love. If the new one works for her, she will loose the previous one.

If the new one is stronger in love, it is natural that she doesn’t feel the same for the other side. It means a problem, the big one! Because nobody wants it to happen for many obvious reasons.

Religious rule offers that for the sake of the social firm, forget your desire and be patient.
I reject his invitation for more close relationship and he replied that he fully agree with my conclusion.

I miss him a lot - always and I pray for him. it's strange , even if you don't go for affair you can feel the love and after one year a hot relationship, just like this I ended it.
what do you think?
Good luck.

you said you are in affair? both side?
so I think it's not easy to be continued.

I am also in love with a married man. His wife is military, she leaving for Iraq soon. we have been dating for almost a year now and he's even great with my kids, they have two children as well. The thing is that she called me last week and wanted to know what was going on between us and I lied. How can something so real be a lie. They fight and argue all the time but he wont leave. He shares my bed during the day and hers at night. i think. he says he sleeps on the couch. im not there so I dont know. i do know that i love him and keep telling myself that i did the right thing by not telling her. i want to be with him but not b/c she threw him out for having an affair. i want him to leave on his own will then i would be more acceptn of it. but now that she going to iraq she will have given us the opportunity to make our relationship stronger.
-

I am very much relieved to hear the story of tat married man.. how he feels.. makes me better understand the psyche of the man(married!!) i love. he tells me the same things..but i never believe it is possible. Hearing it from someone else.. makes it more real. Thx

Thanks for sharing your experiencies.
It is amazing how many woman are in the same situation I thought I was the weird one. My guy is 15 years older than me. It fits perfect my life style. We travel a lot, and enjoy life to the maximum.
He loves me and I know it. I don;t want to leave his wife, because I feel he is only mine. I know he loves, does everything I tell him. He provides me everything...sorry for being selfish but is the way it is. I have a sucessful carrier, but he gives me that extra I need: great sex, travel, good life style and love. We have a lot of laughter, we just enjoy each other and I never felt this way. I will enjoy the ride.
I was unhappy in my marriage for 7 years, and I am 30 I am young, beautiful and this man loves me to death, and finally I am able to say I feel complete.
I don;t know when this will end I dont think about it, what is important is th journey. I don't want to marry again, I want to live and I don't want to worry about his wife, because one knows when your man is in other bed.
I am happy as well because whenever I say I claim he is right by my side.
Sorry finally I was able to let out my true colours ...thanks for sharing your experiencies

I have the same situation and I have not figureed out what to do.I love him so much and I think he loves me, but the truth is that he told me he was not happy with his marriage and he was seprated with his wife and they were going through a device at the very beginning I knew him. But right now he told me he would go back to his family because he thought we only have happy times in the first months,after that he has to come back to his wife. I don't know why he said in this way and what he is thinking about.He called me almost everyday.....He is the type that I have been looking for years, he spoke so right words to my heart.His wife also knew the thing between us and asked him if he really loves me and is going to live with me, what he answered is like I said,he would come back to her after months with me......I can not see the future between us, but he used to describe a so beautiful life I am hoping for for both of us..........

This is a really nice site one of the few that is not particularly judgmental. In response to the last message he sounds like he wants his to have his cake and eat it. Does that sound fair to you, to use and have fun with you for a few months and then go back to his wife. If you can cope with that then put up with him, if not leave him before he leaves you.
I wanted to share a more positive situation with you. I have just started an affair with a married man of 4 years and I was with my partner of 10 years with whom I have a child. We were both desperately unhappy with our current relationships and tentatively agreed to start to see each other and take things really slowly whilst we sorted out our current relationships. It didn't quite happen like that and very quickly we fell in love and then the relationship became physical. I couldn't cope with the guilt and have left my partner and I move out next week into my own place with my son. The man I love has a slightly more complex situation as he works with his wife and holds quite a senior position within the school where the three of us work. He has told her he no longer loves her and is trying to disentangle himself as carefully as he can without wreaking his career.
It's working because we have been completely honest with each other from the start and told each other about all the bad things and talked about the guilt not just creating an idealistic fantasy.
Any one is capable of making a poor choice, particularly when you are younger as both of us did. We are only in our 30s and far to young to sit in loveless relationships waiting for children to grow up an leave home only to be 'dumped' then. I feel awful about the pain this is causing his wife but hopefully she'll find someone new and in the end be happier.
Good luck with what ever choices you make

I am also soo glad I found this site. I don't know where to begin! I too have fallen for a married man and I am afraid I have let it go on far too long. There is always some reason why he has not left her yet. He says all his reasons for not leaving are financial, but I would never let money get in the way of the one I love! I do not know what to do! They have no children together, she has a teenage daughter from a previous marriage but he has been around for most of the child's life.

They own 2 houses together and for the past year his excuses have gone to waiting for the tenants of the other house to vacate to waiting for her to move there. I completley understand that divorce/seperation is not an easy task however, I have been waiting for either for over the past year!! Sometimes I think that if he really loved me and wanted to have a life with me than we would be there already!

I just don't know what to do anymore! I love him so much but I want the life I deserve! I am normally a very happy person, but I am on the verge of tears all the time now! It is not just the sistuation I have put myself in that upsets me but what I have done to another woman! I have never felt like I was a bad person up until now!

My situation is worst, this military guy was working in a little town were i was send too to work for 6 months. He told me he was divorce and since I really liked him I completly fell for him...
On the last week supposedly he was going to make time for me and out of no where his wife arrive with his baby... Stupid of him! he told his wife about me and now she is calling my supervisors, i work for law enforcement... i may even get fire for him and i have to kids to support...
Any ideas about what i can do???

smile girl im in love with a married man too im pregnant with his child

hi everybody, i am also in love with a married man. I meet this man threw my cousin and never thought that he would come after me. He keep trying to talk to me unitl i finally gave in. When i did it was like no other person that i ever meet. We could talk about anything and i always felt special and important with this man. Now 6 months into this i get pregnant with our son and the person that did everything for me, and i felt like was my best friend turned into the devil himself. We stopped talking for about two weeks and eveything was ok, unitl i was six months pregnant and his wife found out about me. Now when this happen he called me and told me that he was going to kill me and my our unborn son. now, i was so scared i went ito premature labor,i stayed in the hospital for a week and came home. When i got out he calls and tells me that he gave his wife my number and she is going to call me, but don't tell her certain things. Now you know i am pissed, and like a dum ass i don't tell her nothing but yes, i was pregnant and that we had been together for a year. Now in the back of my mind i am thinking that finally i will get the love mf my life. Well i was wrong, i didn't hear from him anymore the rest of my pregnancy. This drove me nuts that i stop eating and got hospitalised and strapped to the bed because i tried to take my life while i was pregnant. my son, was so stressed while i was pregnant that i really think that he would make it. On the day i really did go into labor i called him and told him, and all he sad was ok, andi didn't hear from him until the next day by voice mail. From that day on i didn't hear form him or see him, unitl my son was three months old and i decided to fill child support. Thats when he was so sorry for everything and that he ws going to be there for our baby, the works. So like a silly ass i believed it. So when we go to child support court, he tells the people that my son isn't his and he demands a test. Of course it came back his and he apologise and i took him back all over again. That lasted for about two weeks, and the bastard is still married and not taking care of our son. Our son, cries when he see him. and quite frankly i am kind of glad that he is still marrried becuase i don't think that i could deal with him on a everyday bases. I know that it was wrong and i realise that the only people are hurting is my son and i. I have lost over 20 pound since i had my son, and i was only 130 all due to stress. I still don't eat and. all i am saying is that please be careful and think long and hard about everything that you do.

i love love love my man. i hate that he is married and he has told me that right now or even a while from now will not be a good time to leave his wife. i dont know why i am waiting around or putting up with it but i feel stuck. i cant leave. i have tried before. it kills me.

Is it ever possible to find a married man and he does leave his wife for you because you realize that that is the person you are supposed to be with? Where are those stories? What if you dont cheat on your wife and you leave them cuz you are unhappy and get with the other woman? In some ways it still almost seems morally wrong. Idk what do you think?

is it ever possible that you find the person you are supposed to be with even if he is married..and if he doesnt cheat on his wife and leaves her for you because he is unhappy in his marriage..is that still morally wrong?

I am 18 years old and there is this man that has truly taken my heart and doesn't even know it. He is much older than me and i met him when i was helping him coach his little daughter's team. He is married and i feel absolutely awful to feel this way about him and i know i shouldn't. I ask myself over and over if i'm just a little nuts or if i'm just a fool. But i have never felt like this for someone before ever. i know i'm young, and most people would say that i don't know what love is. maybe i don't, but what if this was it? i've never felt like this before about anyone. we just connect and we instatntly clicked. i feel the best when i am just near him, i cannot express what i feel in words! what the heck do i do? because i know he is married and has children, so i should just turn the other way right? let me tell you, i have tried, but have gotten no where. There is even this cute guy my age that is an awesome, awesome person, but i just have to interest to pursue, because this coach that i help is always on my mind, in my heart. WHAT DO I DO? i am so confused as to why i feel like this! is it security? maturity? love? could it really be love?

i met this guy about a year and a half ago...Truly feel rate in love with him..At first it was more like ahh hes cute and funny and then it happened i feel for him. shortly after we met i found out he was merried .I ws then glad that nothing ever happened between us cause i wouldn't wanna be that cause to ruin a merrage. I know that there was feelings between us but we both were to the understanding that nothing could happen only friend.Well the more we hung out and talked the harder that got.
After a few months shit hit the fan.She found out we were talkin but he also were not hidin the fact that we were cause we were only friends.So then came the we have to stop talkin.Well being in the position i had nothin else to do but agree.I mean i couldn't aruge it.
About 6 months passed with a wave here and there and whatnot(I must also add they had probs before i even came into the picture)then we startin talking kinda just we have the same friends and it was kinda hard not too.
Coffee and things with a bunch of ppl. Well there probs finally got to hard for them both and they are in the process of a devorice we talk about everything and i feel at ease i feel like i can tell him anything and i'm pretty sure he feels the same.We talk and the odd time hang out in a large group of people i told him that he should try and work on his marriage being that i believe in marriage .But they just can;t and i guess its a bonus for me But the last few weeks i feel like maybe he's losin his feeling towards me like he's scared i told him that e should date and see ppl being that they were married outta high school.And he said he didn't want to he only has feeling for 1 person but never said recently it was me..Now that we are talkin more its hard cause i think if he pulls away it would kill me.I'm in love with this guy and wanna spend my life with him i mean common im not sayin lets go get married but i am saying eventually i wanna be with him forever....Maybe its the fact that now something can happen im scared cause i've waited for a year and a half to be able to and if he'd give me a sign i'd wait longer...Any comments would be great!!!

Im 29 yrs old, And man /i thought i was the only person in the world that was madley in love with a married man. I met him @ work about 2 years ago. He ask me for my number and we talked on the phone every now and then,after i got through ignoring his phone calls. i wasnt that interested in him @ first, just by the looks of him. So, i finally answered his phone calls and came to find out that he was a real cool person he has a great sense of humor always making me laugh and is the realist man that I have every talked too,even thogh he is 9 years older then me. i didnt no he was married at first but i will have these feelings every time he would leave i guess it was my womens intuition. to make along story short ?i end up finding out that he was married, by that time it was too late i was already in love with this man. He makes me eel so good when i m with him. Ive never have felt this feeling before. But i often feel sad,angry,confused,lonely, and jealous when hes not around or when i cant call him when i want to all the time. he says he love me all the time and o course i love him. i really dont know what to do at this point because evey day i think about the fact that our relationship will never get any where it will never grow. and believe me I have had plenty of times to tell his wife everything, but ?i dont see whats the point of doing that Im really the one thats going to be hurt after that. I will never disrespect her in that way, because i m the one choosing to be invoved with her husband!!!!!!

Hi, Im 21 and im madly in love with a married man but i am also married. I am married to an drug user. He wasnt that way in the beggining until i went overseas to serve my country and he started stealing money from me. I stay married to him until i get out of the service for the money. But the man that I love has been married three times and has left his wives for other women. He swears that he wants to be with me and loves me and blah blah blah but im not so sure. he has two kids with his wife now and really cares about his chirldren. He told me that he was gonna get a house in the summer so his kids have a place when he leaves his wife. He has attempted to leave his wife for other wowmen before me but his relationships fell through before he got a chance to divorce his wife cuz they couldnt wait on him anymore. I just found out i was pregnant and Im not sure if I am doing the right thing by waiting for him when he's ready or am i being stupid? The nights alone and the constant worry that everything Im doing is just a waste of my time is very hurtful. I need some advice

ive been in love with this man since i was in high school until now. i was only 17 and he was 26 when we first met. at first, i treated him just like all my normal friends i have at college. since i didnt seem to find any interest in him, i decided to treat him nice during those times plus he was a very nice person. a person i can really talk to and share my problems. a person whom i refer to as a brother. he was always there, like ALL THE TIME. after four months being friends, he starts to show this behaviour of falling in love with me. i tried to act stupid everytime he's around, as if i didnt know that he was falling for me. on valentines day 2005, he gave me gifts. but i rejected them and he end up giving this upset look on hi face. i did everthing on purpose though. then aft a few weeks he tried to give these hints of wanting to be with me more than just friends, at this one night, he offered me to have dinner with him because he needed my company. he picked me up and send me home aft the dinner. while we were still in d car, parked just outside my house.. he finally proposed me and i HAD to say yes. i just cant help seeing him being pushy and clingy everywhere i go. even during school hours. ol those time, i tried to fell in love with him. it took me a while until i finally found that love feeling. i never thot that i would. so after a few months dating and travelling and spending time with eachother almost everyday.. he finally took me out and told me that he had something important to tell me. it was already 11pm and i sneaked out from home just to see him. we drove around and he finally let out this important thing he wanted to tell me. he told me that the parents arranged him with their friend's daughter who;s way older than him and they got engaged two weeks aft that night. i didnt cry but he did. i wasnt lost when i heard the news. i was just shocked and i just realized that i am not ready for any rship at that time.he begged for me not to leave him and he promised me that he'll do anything to be with me. he controlled my life all the time but he support me and tried to take care of me only when i allowed him to do so. i didnt do anything but i tried to sneak out behind his back, socialising with my friends, just so that i could keep those annoying feelings abt him being already engaged aside. i wanted to enjoy life. come on! i just turned 18 that time. then few months later, aft our trip to malaysia, he told me another horrifying news that he's getting married. his parents arranged everything for him cz he's hardly at home as he always spend time with me aft he got back from work. most of his time is only for me. i was really crushed at that time. i started to feel lost. it was aft 1 yr and 3 mths together that he was forced to get married. he had no choice but to do it. being the eldest son is never easy for him. so i let him get married while i was stranded and was about to kill myself. i did leave him but he kept on begging and looking for me. and i find it hard too having him not around. im used to spending time with him. aft the marriage, he could only see aft work and during lunch hour. he had to go home by 8-9pm. his reason was only he had too muh work at the office. aft 5months being with a married man, den one day the wife called me. i was surprised and we talked for 3 hours abt him. she knew that her husband is having an affair with me even before they were even married. i was too stressed aft talking to her and i end up learning how to smoke ciggs from my girlfriends to ease my stress away. i culdnt stop smoking until he found out and i end up being in trouble. it was crazy. den.. we even gt into big trouble when the wife report to her husband's family esp the parents that their son i cheating on her and blamed me for everything. seriously, i didnt even do anything to her. she was being nice on the fone but why suddenly did she had to act that way to me or us. things werent easy for me n him. we could only see eachtother for only once in a week and sometimes once in two weeks. it was sad. i tried to date other guys but my mind and my heart is only him him him, no one else. i just cant. and things went bad last year in july (2008) when she drove him out of her house and asked him to leave cz she was so mad aft seeing our holiday pictures taken early last year in january when we had our holiday in Brisbane. she was so mad that she kicked him out from her house. he went back to his parents' home and he couldnt face anyone and even me as he was afraid and dont know how to face his parents at his act. the wife brought all the pictures to the court, the police and other officials. she did evertyhing to make him lose his job and i wud lose my degree scholarship. it was a chaos!! we decided to break up knowing that things are not getting any better between us because of those evidences. i was afraid that i might kicked out from uni since most of the laws made in my country is totally strict.. esp when it comes to having rship with a married man. then about 4mths having no contact with eacthtohr, he started to ask me out again and promised me a better rship and life together. i accepted him with open arm because deep inside, i really love this man. i can let him go but i might die losing him. we celebrated our fourth anniv. together aft the break up and we r still together up to now. he got divorced early this year. he's with me and im happy hoping that things would be normal like before but somehow i feel guilty. :( it caused a big shame for his family to accept the fact that he had divorced the daughter of the parents' friends. everyone hates me for what had happened. the prob here is, is it a bad thing if i stay? or should i leave him? he ddidnt lose his job and i didnt lose my scholarship. :) but he had to pay her more thn half of his salary every month as his fine for not being a faithful husband and not taking good care of her esp. her sexual needs. they dont even sleep on the same bed aft 5months being married. now he end up being broke as he hd to pay for his 3 cars and other bills. she really messed his life because of me. well im not aft his money. i earned my own money from the govt scholarship. so what...

Ok I know there is a whole thread dedicated to this topic but I can't seem to able to write on so here's my situation.. about 3 years ago i met a guy..we clicked immedietly i gave him my number we talked for a while then met up for our first date..it was amazin he ended coming back to my place and all we did was stay up all night talking, laughing and it just soo natural..a few more dates later we slept with eachother and i have to admit it was the best sex iv ever had in my LIFE... things got really hot and heavy, we told each other we loved each other he started talking about marriage and introducd me to his family etc.. unfortunately (or fortunately as i was later to discover) i got cold feet i was verry young and still at university so i ended things somewhat abruptly - because i knew a good break up where we "stay friends" would inevitably lead to us getting back together.

Anyhow about 6 months later (mid 2007) i heard his mother died and i called him and we started talking again, he was seeing a girl then but would always drop everything wit her to come and see me and we talked alot, he felt he could really open up to me about the loss of his mother and he even cried in front of me.. we became involved physically but kept commitment to a minimum which suited me fine at the time.. then one day out of the blue he told me he's gettn married?! i was sooo shocked i didnt really know what to say, i couldnt really scream and shout at him as i had been the one to refuse him the first time and had willingly gotten involved in a no-strings attached freinds with benefits situation with him and after many many nights crying over this news i finally walked away from him and the whole sorry sitaution..

so fast farward 2 years.. i ran into him at a mutual friends birthday do..i wanted to be mad at him but i just couldnt we ended up talking as usual.. he was flirting with me quite outrageously, he came back to my place as he was pretty drunk and couldnt poss drive home and u know it - we slept with eachother and all throughout he kept saying how much he still loved me and was still so attracted to me.. im such a sucker for believing his shit. the next morning i asked him about his wife.. now he tells me tht it was an arranged marriage, tht he had been coerced by his family to marry (i love how he can shift responsibility onto anyone but himself) anyhow the marriage was a disaster they were fighitng all the time and it wasnt working out.. tht she is very jealous and possesive and he was considering getting a divorce and tht they are currently seperated.. so we met a few times..slept with eachother i could already feel myself falling for him again when he suddenly announced his wife was moving back home and they were going to give things another go!!! I was furious.. first of all because I believe he lied to me about the seperation frm the start (he had lied to me alot while we had dated) and if he had go be a cheating pr*ck to his wife, why couldnt he have gone to a hooker or something why did he do this to me..i just dont understand how a man who professed to love me and once asked me to marry him could treat me like a 10 dollar ****
could it be that he really does still have feeling for me? could be he took his chance at getting back at me for regecting 2 years ago?? worst of all i still do have feelings for him and im more confused than ever.. im still relativly young and i should be out dating and loving better men why is this happening to me..