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KOM2002 (sad)  Re: im in love with a married man

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sad Re: im in love with a married man , 7797518E7798518A77955185779751887797518F , 31 Jan 2008 20:24
Re: im in love with a married man (Reply to: 117735 from )
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Date: Thu, 31 Jan 2008 06:55:23 +0100
Language: English

 


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sad
I just broke up my 4 years relationship with a married man. I was in my mid-20s at the time and he had just gotten married three months before we met. I had no idea he was married until 8 months later. It started out innocent enough,we met on online and started chit chatting regularly online for months. We didn't meet up until 5 months after we chatted. Normally, I would have very good instinct about this kind of stuff but the fact that he was able to spend night and travel with me really threw me off. Don't mistaken me for a gullible naive girl cause I'm not. I know there are people who read these messages and think "how stupid can you be" but you have no idea unless you've been there and in the exact predictment. I've always pride myself on being strong and confident and never let anyone especially a man step on me.

When he finally got the confident to confess to me that he is married and have a new born kid. I was furious cause I had no idea. I wasn't angry so much because I can't be with him, I was angry cause he took this innocent away from me and I'm not talking about virginity. My parents raised me well and I would've never thought I wouold be stuck in such a horrible situation. That I actually slept with a married man. I was disgusted with myself and I wanted to rip him up alive for destorying everything I ever believed in. I stormed out of the car and didn't see him for months.

Unfortunately, I guess fate has it that it wasn't the end yet. I was full of rage and wanted to hurt him the way he hurted me (too much pride can destory you). Well we started seeing each other again ( I liked him a lot but I wasn't in love with him yet). He treated me extremely well. I hear this all the time that married man will never make you priority, but you know what he did make me priority. No matter how much trouble he had to go through, whenever I wanted to see him, he was there. He never flaked out or was ever late to see me. He took care of me like I was the only person in his life.

I wasn't one to sit around and wait for him. I made myself available to date other men and didn't put my life on hold for him. I thought to myself as soon as I find a guy I really like, I'm gonna get rid of him. Another year passed by and I hadn't met anyone I wanted to commit to. He fell deeper and deeper in love with me, and after 2 years I started falling in love with him too. And that's when all the pain and agony came in. Even though I made myself available to date other men, I wasn't able to feel for anyone else because my feelings were all wrapped up and invested in a man that was unavailable. I started making him priority and flaking out on my friends and lying to them. Noone knows that I was dating a married man so I was living an invisible life.I felt so lonely and lost.

I tried many many times to break it off, but I couldn't. Recently, he introduced me to his daughter. He's been wanting to do this for a very long time cause he loves his daughter and wanted her to meet the woman he loves. When I met her, I felt this rush of sadness. When I look at her I see everything I'm doing wrong. I called him up the next day to let him know I can't do this anymore. I can't live like this. I told him even if he and his wife divorce, I still can't be with him and he asked me why and I said cause my family will never accept me being with a man that's been married and have a child. I told him it would never work out because he would lose his friends and a lot more if he chooses to me with me and quite honestly I don't think I can take all the scrutiny.

We had many beautiful memories and believe it or not a love that was deeper than anyone could imagine. But I felt like I wasted four great years of my life on a married man when I should've been trying to find happiness with someone who can really give me "everything". I could've been married by now and could've had a family, but now heading to my 30s, I'm starting over again with the biggest heartache. I don't think I'll ever be able to fully get over this man and there will always be this "what if or what could've been". The saddest part is I'm going to fall in love again one day but there will always be this longing in my heart for someone else. I love him but sometimes I resent him so much.

The reason why I wanted to share my story is because I want to finally let it out my system. When I was sad I wasn't able to turn to anyone cause he was a secret. You heard this many many times, but I'm going to say it again- you need to leave and move on because you're going to look back one day and regret all those years you wasted. Time can never rewind and believe me it moves rapidly. Trust me I know it's incredibly hard and heart-wrenching and may seem impossible to do but just remind yourself you deserve a man of your own. And maybe the married guy does love you a lot, but if that love is making you miserable and crying alone in your bed at night, you need to break free. Life is too short. If you are meant to be with him, you will find each other again in a better time, a better place. No matter what happens, you have to love yourself more than anyone else.

For the people who took time out to post a message, I thank you because you made me feel like I'm not alone and after reading all the stories, I feel stronger. I hope my story can help someone out there as well.









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