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KOM2002 (happy)  Re: im in love with a married man

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sad Re: im in love with a married man , 7619D8137619D81A7612D81D7618D81F7617D81A , 16 Apr 2007 04:16
Re: im in love with a married man (Reply to: 99019 from )
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Date: Sun, 15 Apr 2007 05:13:19 +0200
Language: English

 


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happy

Hi there

I just came across this board by chance today and am amazed at some of the stories I have read!! My heart absolutely goes out to all of you in this situation and like others, I didn’t know there were so many of us out there. I think I may be one of the ‘fortunate’ ones (for want of a better word) as I am not in love with my MM but have very, very strong feelings for him. We met online and the fortunate thing is that it was only in late December, so the time factor has not been so long as some of you other women have had to deal with, as it’s only been four months - but has honestly seemed like a lifetime.

We instantly felt an amazing chemistry – we clicked straight away and would type the same things at the same time and felt such a deep connection. We made each other really laugh and had so much in common. We thought the same, could tell each other literally anything and he was so taken by me. I have had three opportunities to meet him when he came down to work near me, as he lives very far me and each time we couldn’t take our eyes off each other, gave lots of quick kiss in public constantly (something I never do) and are generally like a couple that are in love.

Ladies, if when get into a situation like this, don’t be afraid to ask lots of questions and try to think ahead. Its hard I know, but I dragged my MM through the emotional rollercoaster with me as there was no way that I was going to suffer alone (LOL). As we had previously talked about how open we could be with each other, I kept asking him “Why he wanted me”, “Was I not only here until he sorts his stuff out and then he will end it – so why not end it now?’ etc basically everything you want to say but dare not. If you can do that, then I think that he will understand that you are going into this with your eyes wide open (even if you are not) and that you have the strength of mind to challenge him and make him accountable.

The conversations from me and questions got even more challenging and also very intimate, as I felt I had nothing to lose, and he answered everyone of them in great detail and I feel very honestly. Also listen to his answers. If he is saying that you both can’t fall for each other as he is still married ... take heed. Its so hard not to read between the lines etc and we have even had a conversation about what would happen if we did fall for each other! I even finished it on two or three occasions, such was the intensity and he was very hurt with all the decisions but respected my decision as friend and we talked and went back to being friends. Ironically I was the one that caved in twice after some long emails from him letting me go … and also the last time when he just simply let me go!!

We talked exhaustively and extensively about the emotional side of things we were feeling and went through a real rollercoaster for about month. We also talked extensively about the sexual side of any relationship in great detail (if there was ever going to be one) to see how we would handle it. That was mixed in with general conversation and laughter, but we were close enough to be able to discuss these things.

He made it clear that from the outset that his marriage was touch and go but that he wouldn’t break it off (before we even talked about anything remotely happening) as he had ‘stuff’ (he used another term) that he had to deal with. He explained to me that there were three options, that he works out his stuff and he stays with his wife, that they can’t resolve things and they split up or that me and him decide that we want to be together.

The stuff has all come to a head now and he’s dealing with, which will result in him leaving his wife or staying with her. There are a lot of factors in our relationship that are very unique to us. I know this may sound strange but trust me … they really are LOL! But also I can truly relate to all of the heartache that you are all going through.

In the last few months I feel a change and a slowdown from him as he is very busy at work and dealing with his stuff. He admits things have slowed down but still wants things to continue as his feelings are the same. The hurt and pain is already here, but he has been on holiday in the previous week and in that time to totally refocus. We were both emotionally ‘needy’ at the time we met but I have decided to call an end to things before I get so involved that I can’t get out!! I’m on holiday soon and wrote him an email asking for space and then will just cease contact with him as I am gaining a lot of much needed self esteem, which I lost before I met him.

To Rekips, some of your issues sound like my MMs. No kids, but the love had gone from the short marriage. But the only way he will open up to you and the wall he has built up will crumble is when he can emotionally open up to himself. He may trust you implicitly, but be in total denial of what he is going though in his marriage and he may not be ready to do that at this moment. He may be use to dealing with his problems alone and find talking to anyone else a real struggle.

You need to re-connect with yourself first before you can connect with anyone else. What makes you happy? Is there any way at all that you can re-connect with your husband and is it very hard to not be with him if you are so unhappy? Are there things in your life that you have always wanted to do but never had the time, finances or motivation to do? Is there as skill you have always wanted to learn but never had the time? Do you have hobbies or dreams that you have forgotten about? Can you arrange a night of fun (out or in) with female friend(s)? Can you focus more on the love you feel for yourself and your children more than this man? If you Google “affirmations” it may help you reconnect with yourself. These messages may help you to rediscover your self worth.

I hope this has helped

Peace, love and stay strong sisters xxx

Donella


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