To: Rekips.
I know what your going through is really hard. However, if you try to make him connect with you, it may push him further away or if he does give in, you may get into a wishy washy thing that will hurt even more. He'll end up going back and fourth between wanting to be with you and not. It has to happen on his terms. If he is going to come around he will. Untill then, work on things at home with your husband. Sit down with him and figure out what the two of you have lost. Talk to eachother. Dont say anything about having feelings for someone else but let him know how your feeling about his relationship with him. Doing this with him might help take your mind off secret love a little bit... or at least make you feel better about wanting him. Communication is a great thing. If your able to talk to your husband and just get out what you feel and listen to his feelings, you'll feel so much better just knowing what is really going on. Your secret love needs to do the same at home with his wife. once both of you do that you can determind what you really want to do with eachother. He appearently doesn't know where everything stands at home. If he doesn't know what will happen if he leaves then he doesn't know his wife's feelings about their relationship as it sits. She may be unhappy with it and if they never talk about it, they will just go round and round forever. Your not going to get divorced over telling someone that your upset with the way things are but if caught in an afair, divorce is almost a sure thing. So talk to him as a friend and let him know that he needs to figure things out at home so that he can be happy. With or without you... cause if you really feel for him thats what your goal should be, making sure the two of you are truely happy. So dont run away just yet and dont try to force hime to be with you... be his friend first and try to help him to figure out the home life part. If the two of you are meant to be it will come in time. You've known eachother for ten years so it's not like it's a now or never situation. If it takes time you dont have to worry that you'll never see him again. Which is a worry that most people tend to base their whole life on really. They are so scared that if they dont get it right now that it might just suddenly disapear or get up and walk off. In most cases that's not the case. Im not sure if this is going to help you any but if it's just that Im not getting the whole story, maybe you can explain it more to me and I can give a better answer. As far as the professional help, get a po box.. then he never has to know.
