To all here...I have been in the same boat. Once before for a completely different reason (I was in a bad marriage-i finally ended it) and now because I feel for some sick reason that I need to pay for what I did wrong before. I called the wife and told her. This person hurt me at a time in my life that was completely wrong. I was very vulnerable. He made me fall in love with him. I did not want to. I didn't even want to go there. I had no interest in him. But he fed me all the lines and I believed him when he said he loved me. He hurt me emotionally and mentally more than I have ever been hurt in my life and I have had completely horrible experiences to compare this too(not in this area).
I felt horrible for calling her, but I could not help myself. I cried and had to go on medication for almost a year. I am still deep down not over it. I deep down hope he will come to me and say he was sorry. I am really a realist and know this won't happen. I felt so horrible hurting his wife and family (one of my friends husbands said, "You broke the code"). My thought about this comment was, "Well excuse me, I didn't know there was a special code for affairs. Apparently he's a little more experienced in this department. Makes me feel very concerned for my close friend. He is a traveling businessman and I think we all know what traveling businessmen do. I would NEVER EVER get married to one.
Anyway back to my self flagelation. It is my own sick way of paying back for what I did to her. And I tell you what...it certainly is working...I'm afraid backfiring too. I know I need to stop and I will. I know all of us here will stop. It won't be easy. It will hurt. We all have the strength. All I think it will take for us is to know that one day we will crack and we will stop. (or maybe a great person will come and take us away from it all! wouldn't that be nice? Oh well...we can dream about it anyway). These men seriiously do not know how to love the right way. People who are married for a long time have to be good friends with their spouse. But most importantly they have to communicate well. If you can not have an adult conversation with your spouse than there is no marriage.
Good luck for all.
