reply to shikara: thank you so much for article.. what you have said makes so much sense, all those things about self esteem and him dealing with his own unreslolved issues.. truly if he loved me before he would have married me first and not his wife n my having had a relationship with him before gave me a false sense of entitelment to him as i knew him years b4 his wife. but in all honesty he wouldnt have given things up with me 3 years ago and lied to me if there was any respect there for me, it was almost through his actions he was telling me that i do not deserve to treated well and with respect but only deserved to treated like crap...and once we start believing that we let ourselves slide into even more despair.. we as women should break out of these unhealthy relationships with married/unmarried men and make something useful of ourselves as people and in society.. thanks again shikara, i think your article opened my eyes to my own mistakes last few years!!