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Loving Relationship/Affairs with a Married Man

Intelligent natural language question-answering in the area of psychology and psychiatry. Ask a simple question  Local help Info

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Written by: Gunborg Palme, certified psychologist and certified psychotherapist, teacher and tutor in psychotherapy.
First version: 22 Jul 2008. Latest revision: 18 Aug 2008.
I'm a 32 years old, goodlooking woman, single. A teacher seduced me almost 2 years ago. First I didn't let him approach me, but I was so vulnerable, I had ended my most important 8 years relationship and felt lonely and needed love. He is a married man. At first I said no, he told me that he couldn't bear his wife any longer, that he did not love her any more and that he was in love with me.

After 4 months I said yes and we started with a very intense relationship, I felt absolutely happy, even though I didn't see him every day and we could never stay together at night. He is my teacher, and my master's assessor so we couldn't stop seeing each other. I know it's wrong but I have no friends, and no family here. He is the only person I have. Well we keep this relationship and we are in love with each other. He says he can't leave his wife because he feels so guilty. But now this is happening to me, I just can't be without him, he is my life.

The last time he said we had to end up I felt really bad, actually, I've been looking for some way to suicide, I don't want to do things I used to, I can't sleep for the whole night, I an not hungry. I'm so sad, and I'm so angry because I think he is not loving me anymore and it just can't keep me alive. My next plan is suicide. I don't want an expert to tell me to leave him, because I can't do that, If I leave him, I'm dead.

What is your advice on relationships/affairs with married men?

Answer:

It is difficult for me to tell you that you should leave him, because I absolutely don't want to be the cause of your suicide. However, I guess that he is older than you and women usually live longer than men. What would you do if he died? I am asking you this because I want you to start thinking about planning your life without him.

Not leaving him has the advantage of not letting another young woman get trapped in the same situation as you are. A good reason for not letting him leave his wife and marry you is that he would probably cheat on you, also. What advice would you give if a young relative of yours were in the same situation and asked for help?

Love works as a drug on us. The reward center in our brain gets stimulated and we feel happy and alive. It is difficult to quit using drugs and the worst part is at the beginning of the detoxification. It would be easier for you to stop meeting him if you met another man, but I know how difficult it is to be stuck in a situation like this.

You have proved to be a woman with strong feelings who can become very attached to a man. Nothing says that you would not be able to fall in love with another man, who could give you a happier life. It is easier to find another man when you are 32 rather than later on in life, so, from this point of view, it would be better if you started searching for a new man for your future as soon as possible.

Disclaimer: The documents contained in this web site are presented for information purposes only. The material is in no way intended to replace professional medical care or attention by a qualified psychiatrist or psychotherapist. It can not and should not be used as a basis for diagnosis or choice of treatment. If you find anything wrong, please notify us at .
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