My boyfriend possessed quite a bit of pornographic material before we started dating. He got rid of them after I told him the concept bothered me. I am all for sexual exploration and I am very comfortabe with my body, but I just think sex and fantasies should be between two people. He also used to go to strip clubs, which he no longer does. I appreciate his honesty and compromise, but he also honestly told me one time that he went to strip clubs in his previous relationship without letting his partner know. Does this mean that he may go again and keep it a secret from me? He tells me that he would never lie to me since he knows how important honesty is for me. I wish to believe him but I am also a litte weary. Also, he has said he has fantasized about menage-a-trois as, he claims, all men do. Is this true? Am I just really naive?
You do not trust your boyfriend. He is not totally the kind of guy you want. He loves you and wants to please you but he is throwing away his pornography because you want him to do so and not because he himself feels the need to do it.
Consider why you want to control even his fantasies (which you never can, of course). People are different, two partners can never be perfectly ideal for each other. Successful partnership are based on mutual acceptance, not on mutual control of each other.
Honesty to each other is good in relations where partners accept each other and do not try to control each other. In relations where some partner wants to control the other partner, honesty cannot always work. You cannot both demand complete honesty and complete control.
Top
Previous message
