Plz help me to find my self

hi,
my name is MAHWISH SULTANA. I am 20 years old girl. I feel pain in my right hand when i try to wrinte by pen. I feel that i can't write and same thing happens to me. physicians says nothing has happen to you, its your mental disorder you need a psychiatrist rather than a physician. i have many problems in my life. i couldn't find the solution of that problems. i usually have headache due to think alot. I have no sister in actuall but I mostly try to find her in other people, and i becomes crazzy about that relation, once my selfmade (so call) sister decieved me at a dispute, after that i gone crazzy, i am shocked of her behaviour and on her blames to me, i always have some question about her behaviour in my mind, she was the google of my life and at once she broke my heart, made me alone, and blames me wrongly, so that i don't feel satisfied my self any moment.
I feel myself always alone, i always talk to myself in loneliness, every body consider me mad, i always be in search of something different, sometimes i loss my all senses and do as whatever i want, and sometimes i become perfectly allright, i usually live in dreams, even in the day times during my work, any body does anything in front of my eye and i don't understand or couldn't see that, i couldn't listen what's anybody is saying, i mostly be disturbed,in my childhood i mostly did creative work, i don't feel relax now at any cost, sometimes i feel i want to take revange by her, and sometimes i forgive her, i always live in euthopia.I feel that if i will write by pen or pencil then i will have pain in my hand and same thing happens, i feel if i will write my heart beats will be high and i get screamness and my body start vibrating, my breaths become irregular and i feel the earth is rounding, i feel everything is just going to be at end.

What has happened to me?
Am i really mad?