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My husband blames me, my life is cheerless, how can I control my anger over my marriage problems?

Written by: Gunborg Palme, certified psychologist and certified psychotherapist, teacher and tutor in psychotherapy.
First version: 22 Jul 2008. Latest version: 18 Aug 2008.

Abstract:

You may have a reason to be angry. You need to find meaningful tasks in your life. Maybe you would also benefit from antidepressive medication.

Question:

I am a 48 years old married lady, my daughter is 23 years old and has a love affair with a boy, my husband is away all day and does not talk much. My husband blames me that she does not live a proper life. I do not know how to control my anger. What should I do to handle my marriage problems?

Answer:

It is not surprising that you are angry, being angry is a natural reaction to your situation. Your life situation seems to be dull and uninteresting and cheerless in a way which could motivate your anger.

I do not know what restrictions your religion puts on you: is there any possibility for you to study or get a meaningful job of your own? One of my neighbours, who does not have any gainful occupation, works two days a week for a charity organisation; this gives her life a meaning and lets her meet people. Myself, I take care of a small child every weekend, whose parents are deaf.

That your daughter has met a boy is good, if he is a nice person.

Women can sometimes get help from taking oestrogen after their menopause; this can help them feel better. But only taking pills, and not doing something about your life situation, may not be the best solution.

From your letter, I get the impression that you are depressed. Anti-depressive medication can sometimes help in getting out of a cheerless life situation. Such medication can make it easier for you to do the changes in your life which would make your life more meaningful.

More about anger management

More Information
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