My husband and I have been married for 7 years now. We have one child together. He has 3 children from previous marriage ages 25, 23 & 14. All 3 children live with us.
I married him because he was a responsible & caring family man. Ideal qualities for a husband certainly but I think he's overdoing it. He treats his children like helpless babies.
The children never do chores. My husband never asked them. My husband does the chores so I won't be overburdened with it. Sometimes, I would asked his 14 year old son to help in mowing the lawn. My husband would asked him to go back inside the house because it's hot.
My husband would prepare the meals for them, even goes out to McDonalds if the kids prefer to eat hamburgers. The thing is, the kids are just playing video games and the older sons (in their 20's) can drive a car already.
The 2 older boys have jobs now, but they never help or gave anything for their share of the bills. Everytime I bring up the subject, my husband would promise me that he would talk to the kids and then change the subject immediately.
He is still providing the car for his eldest son.
His son has an obnoxious attitude. He feels that its his God given right to suck the life blood out of my husband. When he was 19, he got a girlfriend. He lent his girlfriend our one & only car back then. The girl totaled it. Insurance didn't pay us because the girl doesn't have a license. What's so tragic about the whole thing, was that the son still has the nerve to ask my husband to buy a new car. What shocked me most, my husband didn't say anything! The girlfriend never paid, my husband doesn't want to asked her to pay because he feels sorry for his son. Because my husband had a bad credit history back then, I offered to collateral my money so we could get a loan to buy a replacement car which was paid eventually. 2 years later the son totalled the car again. My husband paid for the medical bills. Then when his son got married, my husband also shouldered a small wedding reception. My husband also shouldered some of his sons college tuition. My husband does this all without any discussion or conversation with his son or with me. He would just get a loan for it. That's 6 years in a row already that we're paying loans because of his son. His son, not once ever said or showed any gratitude whatsoever. At 25 yrs of age and still staying at the house, he still expects his dad to feed him steak and lobster.
Finances is a bone of contention for us because my husband at his age doesn't have anything, but it's too much the way he spends on the kids. When I took over our finances, that's when his credit rating got better and we were able to buy our own home just 2 months ago.
His second son insured his car under my husband's name. My husband paid the insurance without a word to his son and assured me that his son would pay it back. He never did. My husband was asking to be paid one night and his son just told him that my husband should give it as a gift. My husband quickly suggested that he pay only half. This is how my husband talks to his kids, half-hearted. Never once asked them to really sit down and talked it seriously. He treats them like their incapable of adult conversation. Treats them like babies.
His second son got a good job and was thinking of buying a new lexus, but can't even think of repaying his dad back.
I don't meddle in this conversations because I feel that my husband wants to deal with sons on his own.
He is already 54 years old. In 11 years time, he's gonna be retiring. How are his sons gonna treat him when his old and have nothing to give? I am already thinking of leaving him because he is too passive when it comes to his sons. I want to grow old with him but not with his sons who'll probably live there in the house forever.
What should I do? If my husband can't talk seriously with them, should I do it then. I am getting miserable as the days go by, and I feel that I'm loving my husband less and less. I don't see him as a man anymore.
Hope you could help. I would appreciate any advise.