I left my husband 6 months ago. He never spoke to my son except to yell at him. They would go weeks without speaking, even "hello". His own daughter left because of him. He put telephone recording devices on our phone line (5 times) and each time lied about getting rid of them. He accused me of having an affair (which I did not) because I regressed when I couldn't talk to him about my problems. He's gone thru my purse, my car, he's called my work several times to see what I was doing. He checked behind me to see when I had been on the computer. He treated me like a whore in bed and wanted me to act like one, he stopped apologizing after a while. He said it wasn't me. He wanted me to dress like one when we went out. After his daughter left he became more moody. He hid his paychecks from me and only put a certain amount in the bank each week but my entire check was direct deposited. He claims that he was molested as a child.
After I left he took my name off of everything and now says that he was angry at me that he didn't remember doing that. Now he's agreed to go to counseling but I don't know if he'll tell the counsler the truth or not. Does a person make a choice on how they treat people or can it stem from how they were raised? I want to give it another chance but I am afraid that he will do this all again, plus my child hates him for how he's been treated. I somehow feel that this is a control thing but I really don't know. Does he choose to do this or will he benefit from help?
Your son hates your former husband. I do not think it is wise to to have your son and the man in the same home. If you give the man a new chance, you should see him without connecting him with your son. Normal people have a choice, but there are people with personality disorders who are acting according to their disorder without having a choice.
Unreasonable jealousy can sometimes be treated by SSRI medicines and psychotherapy.