am i bipolor or more.

hi i dont really think im going to hear back from you but im tryin anyway.my whole life has been nothing but depression. as long as i can remember anyway.with short term happienes hear and there.it was really bad right after high school, i tried ending my life because my whole life was gone anyway i pushed all poeple close to me away.every one hatted me they all thought i was on drugs, and that hurt. because i wassint.just allways felt like i dont belong in this world. im not accepted i want to dissapear, any one i go to doent understand me.or wont even respond . is it the way i write. im not very edgucated, so that also sucks .to make a long story short , when ever somthing good is around me i seem to kill it. i self distuct all good in my life.im 27 yrs old now and i dont even know how when what happend i should be able to support myself , but i cant.my brain tells me im only 18,its horrible, lost more than 8 jobs had to move back with parrents 4 times this is the lastim tied of tring.i just sleep as long as i can so i dont have to face anything.or dont sleep at all because thoughts are flying though me i want brain sugery please end it.i went to some drs and was given zoloft that stuff made even worse. and other meds that didint do any thing at all. i gave up with drs , but now need somthng not for me but my parents.no ins is there such thing as free help!!