Anorexia

I found out about my anorexia about 1 year ago. Currently, after a lot of treatment, Im of "so called" normal weight. but truth is Ive started to relapse. I just cant take it anymore. I cant see myself as fat as I am right now and not do somehting about it. I cant accept I need to be this big to be ok, when i feel so much better thinner. Ive started lying to my doc and nutritionist as well as skipping psychotherapy sessions. my medication was reduced, parents arent driving me crazy anymore, everybody is happy. so why keep this fat body? as long as no one knows i have been starving they all compliment me. thats how i feel. so... what were the benefits the treatment gave me? it jsut made me feel bad.

why should i bother continuing my treatment?
(dont say "cuz youre gonna die" cuz i dont believe that anymore)

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