Avian Influenza

Dear Sir/Madam,

I was once hypnotised, and believed for some time that i was a chicken. Sometimes I lapse back into "chicken mode" or "George" as I was named at the hospital to help me rationalise, or become comfortable with my condition. I have become concerned over recent months about the increased frequency of incidents involving "George" and i'm concerned about our future health. My family is thinking about taking our next holiday together in Beijing and the thought is playing havoc with my sleep patterns and this results in erratic egg laying behaviour. To a logical human being the last sentence may not add up, but I swear this is how I feel - but obviously I understand, and accept, I dont actually lay eggs but I get a genuine feeling of constipation. Another concern is my heightened arousal when I am walking down the poultry isle in the supermarket, seeing the smooth, curvacious body of a plucked chicken leaves me slightly giddy with desire.

Onto the crux of my email i'm seriously clucked . . . I mean stressed out about the possibilty of George catching bird flu. I dont know how to approach them (my family) about it as they do not know about my condition. So I am trapped between risking Georges health and shattering my familys perception of me as I have recently taken up a high ranking legal post within my national judicial system.

Whilst compliling a response please consider my condition and from one human being to kind of another any advice would be welcomed. Please help the coop has abandoned me and I fear if this carrys on much longer I will become more chicken than human.

Our deepest thanks

Marvin and George.

P.S Is eating Gibletts cannabalism?