I am 39 years old and this is something that has been with me since my early teens. I get aroused by being in danger, or the feeling of getting trapped in some way without hope. I do extrange things such as locking myself in boxes and pushing down the stairs, or hanging with bangy ropes from the ceiling or even getting into the dryer machine and attempting to get it locked out from the outside, or trying to get trapped inside a sofa bed. I only would do this when I am drunk and that also worries me because that has led me to abusing alcohol almost every day just to unleash my inner desires. I am very worried that if uncontrolled this desires will eventually get me into trouble, or even kill me. So far the most I had is some bruices, but I feel I am in deep trouble, I feel shame, guilt and affects my social life, even that noboby knows about it or suspects it. What do I have, how do I treat it or control it or where can I get some help.
Your guidance is very appreciated