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KOM2002 (question)  I feel so down and hopeless

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reply Re: I feel so down and hopeless , Gunborg Palme - Leg psykolog - Leg psykoterapeut - Telefon 08-664 60 92 , 15 Mar 2005 08:45
question I feel so down and hopeless , 15 Mar 2005 05:16
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I feel so down and hopeless
From: ******
Date: Tue, 15 Mar 2005 05:16:13 +0100
Language: English

 


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Hi, i am 21 years old living in Venice Italy gay guy out and proud .

I really dont know how to start ... I move to Venice coz i was running away running away from my home country were my brother use drugs and my mom cant do anything about it and where i didnt have a lot of friends were people were very close about homosexuality i was sick of my town the people everything i hate my life there i felt like i could breath i needed to scape and i did , to Italy , i meet someone in internet a friend his boyfriend live here in italy he lives in the US but he was going to be here for summer i dont want to go into details but trying to make things short , i had sex with him he had sex with me i had sex with his boyfriend and also the 3 of us had sex like twice , he left to the US and he broke up with his boyfriend i stood living in his boyfriends house paying a rent and in condition of friend i am not having sex with his him since a year or 2 , i after my arrival in Italy after setting up my visa i start to work in a pizza place as a waiter , it was horrible i didnt have time for myself i work almost all day and just one day off per week WEDNESDAY when everybody was busy ... i couldnt make a lot of friends since i was working all day so all the money i made i buy expensive things "coz i deserved" never really saved money i quit that job and start another job as waiter in a hotel in venice was mostly the same no time and very shitty schedule , since i arrived here i have not make new friends sometimes i feel so lonely and its ironic i wanted free time coz i was feeling overwhealm and now i've been unemployed for more than six months and its the same i just stay at home all day in the pc chatting with boys i meet through internet to relief my "lonelyness" , i eager to have a boyfriend someone who loves me anever leave me alone someone who can be there for me all the time ... since i can remember i''ve been looking for one ... i have travel all europe meeting diferent guys from diferent nationalities and all end it up the same ... bad , me with no money no job no friend no boyfriend and then i had nothing left i go to look to search for something to get my life in order and when i come back i feel even worse since i found myself brokenhearted i've been in germany denmark 3 times sweden and norway ... everytrip was a diferent guy and every trip was the same i go there i have sex with them and then it just stupid coz they dont want to commint or i am realize we are not a like at all then i feel used and stupid for doing it but i keep doing it ... my last trip was to norway and sweden and the funniest thing was than in 2 weeks i was soppose to meet 2 people possibles "life resolvers" (not in a economic way coz i am not a whore) but emotionally ... its just crazy the way i am living my life i hate it ... now i find myself with no job at home locked up not going out my roommate is mad coz i own him about 3000 euros (around 3900 american dollars) some in rent some in "loans" but i have not done anything to look for a job ... i always say i will go tomorrow and then i stay up all night doing nothing on the net ... next day i wake up at 4 pm and again to the pc to do whatever , i hate my life i have no motivation and sometimes i have suicidal thoughts i wonder why i am here in italy i wonder if i want to go back home but i dont ... but i dont want to stay here neither so i wonder have i scaped from Venezuela or i am just been scaping from myself all this time ? i need to go on i need to get a job but its hard ... i have no motivation at all .. i feel stuck , i need money i need a job but i feel sad and depressed coz i dont have friend i feel like nobody loves me ... i do have luck on my "sexual life" coz i am cute enough to get a shag if i wanted to but once again sex doesnt satisfited me anymore nothing seams to satisfy me i promise myself that today i will go to get a job but once again is 5 10 am and i am here up on the pc theres no way i could get up tomorrow morning to look for a job ... also today i was looking on the internet for a job and i saw some annouces that said (no foreign people) Italians are so FUCKING racist makes me angry but in a way i feel again rejected ... i am eating very bad i mean no schedulles and i dont even think i am eating 3 times per day i am also staying up all night and sleeping half of the day my roommate threath me to kick me out if i dont start paying soon ... but how can i start when i feel so down ... i am tired , tired of being alone tired of looking for someone to love me tired of feeling lonely ... i had Shingles last year in november and tonigh i realize i might have it AGAIN! i read that stress and depression is crucial on this illness also had psoriasis which by the way also read is related somehow with your moods . i just dont know what to do ... i need some warm voice i need some hope some light at the end of the tunnel i cant go on like this anymore ...
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Re: I feel so down and hopeless (Reply to: 42857 from ****** )
From: Gunborg Palme - Leg psykolog - Leg psykoterapeut - Telefon 08-664 60 92
Date: Tue, 15 Mar 2005 08:45:29 +0100
Language: English

 


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Find a job in the evening and night, as you are used to these special waking hours. Save some money for the future when you have paid your debts. Try to find real friends that you can meet on your day off. See a doctor for you illness and get Prozac för you depression. Always use a condom when you have sex to avoid veneral diseases. Do not be lazy. That will not help you.




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KOM 2002