Hi, For over 2 years my wife has had little interest in sex. We still kiss and cuddle and she is happy for me to have intercourse with her, and in fact is unhappy if I don't. I, on the other hand, do not really like having intercourse if she is not getting the same pleasure from sex that I do - she is simply allowing me to satisfy my urges whilst getting no real benefit herself other than pleasing me. I feel as though I am using her, ultimately making me feel guilty and making me reluctant to have intercourse with her again, until my own sexual desire becomes overwhelming. We have been to a sex therapist, who has proved worse than useless, as she tried continually to suggest that the problem was in my wife's mind, despite my wife stating quite firmly that she loved me, that I was a caring and considerate lover, that I loved her dearly, that my aim was to ensure her pleasure etc. In fact she could find no problem with our relationship. We gave up after 6 sessions and went to seek medical help in Oct 04, and this started my wife on a course of HRT to increase her estrogen levels, but to date (29 Dec 04)this has produced no visible effect. My wife and I are both 53, which is clearly part of my wife's problem.I still have a tremendously strong sex drive, which sometimes leads me to despair, as you can imagine. After 2 years like this, whilst I appreciate my wife's situation and am understanding, and whilst we love each other deeply, my desire for mutual and fulfilling sex with her is overpowering and I am sometimes at my wits end. Can you suggest any alternatives to what we have already tried.
Many thanks
John Wainscott
The sex therapist was right. Having a caring and considerate lover and loving him is not enough for getting an orgasm. Your wife has to think sexy thoughts too, at the same time as you stimulate her with your hand or your mouth. Only she can find out what kind of thoughts will arouse her. Intercourse is often too quick and does not stimulate the clitoris in the right way.
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