I dont really know how to start but I guess I am just never okay with myself anymore. Lately I have felt so depressed, I often think about suicide, however I dont think I ever could follow through with it. I know it is unhealthy, and I try not to think of it, but it is always on my mind. I have had a boyfriend for about a year and in the last three months everything has been horrible. When I am about to call him I am in such a terrific mood, but when I begin talking to him he might say something and I just nail him on it and i usually start some argument that somehow i always seem to win. I always think I am right. I know I am stubborn, and I hate it. Afterwards I get so down and I hate myself. I just have been getting so stressed out lately. sometimes I cant stop my leg from shaking, and I always want to cry and scream I am tired of feeling the way I do. Everytime Iget like this i always analyze everything to death. I used to be so happy. Now I am ruining my relationships, not just with my boyfriend but my family and friends as well. please i am so desparate for help.
You might be suffering from a depression. Depressions can be successfully treated with CBT, Cognitive Behavior Therapy. They can also be treated with medicines like Prozac. Negative thoughts can contribute to your depression. Try to think about what you want to happen and avoid tinking thoughts that makes you depressed.
Take responsibility for your actions. You don't have to be nasty to your boyfriend. Try to give him praise instead.