mental health

im young 26 and have 2 kids. i stay at home now and try to keep busy but lately my lazyness is taking over and i always feel hopeless about trying to lose the extra 15lbs i gained since stopping work. i was a hairstyleist and after my last kid i put myself to work on a goal with body for life so i would look like britney spears cuz why not i should be able to i was 25 and love a challenge and cuz i never really achieved any goals!i thought it would help my self esteem and it did i ate 6 small meals well balenced i even eat healthy now except big portions and some cookies too. i also dont know what im worth doing cuz im good at hair i draw beautifully and have an eye for decorating, photography, and music and i even did makeup on videos but i feel like i have adhd! i cant finish anything i get board and dont finish or stick to the same thing.and so i looked hot and was a size 4 from an 8 for a couple of months and then once things in my emotions went wrong i started getting lazy and care less and slowly all my motivators dissapeared and now i cant even find them anymore cuz its like i dont believe them any more!maybe cuz i saw myself lose something i achieved as always, and even though i know how to logically lose weight again it is so hard now! i smoke now and then too and i abuse it sometimes and well i use too alot. i stay up too late i get real depressive and grumpy when my period is comming and that is usually for like 3 weeks! and i dont know where to find the problum cuz iv battled these things before and won so im thinking its mental but i read your notes on self esteem, i know i have low self estm. but i cant get up and battle it any more i feel helpless like im saying who cares but yet it bothers me.i feel like i need some book to motivate me again but if it dose why wont i keep going after im done with it?