i promised my parent i would keep the family going.
i have a sister with hiv and can't find a job which i financally support by paying her rent and utilities and other brothers and sister who need my help.
so much going on i lost me .how do i find me again?
and why i can't release my anger and guilt
Of course you are angry; you are being used without getting enough in return. Your parents forced you to make a promise that practically means that everything you earn goes to take care of your siblings. Tell your siblings that you feel exploated and that you want to find a solution to the problem that is acceptable for you as well. They should be able to do something for you in return for your help.
A good relationship is about giving and taking, not exploitation of one side. If your sister is too sick to help out in any way, then you siblings should share the responsibility for her equally. Your siblings might come forward and help out if you just ask them to. Maybe they're just so used to you doing everything that they don't even question the fairness of the division of labor.
she does help when she can her meds make her weak some days and her nerves are shot;
her self esteem is gone
everywhere she looks for work all she gets is turned up noses.
the rest of my siblings take care of themselves barely,
there is 8 of us left. my oldest brother is in tenn with a bad heart my oldest sister has emphimzma and her hubby has throat cancer.
my brother jim helps me with my hubby who is blind
my brother steve has a wife and 3 new kids to try to support on a farmers pay and my baby brother lives on a ranch and works the ranch for his house they live in and baby sis waits on tables.
sorry to have bothered you
What a tough situation. I completely understand that you feel obligated to take care of your sister, but you have to think about yourself and your own needs as well. Are there any volunteer organisations that can help you take care of your sister? Maybe a church community, the Salvation Army or something similar. When my, now deceased, mother was sick I often called a volunteer organization that helped me out when I had to work. The organization sent out older female volunteers that did a wonderful job taking care of my mother.
Is there possibly an organisation for people with the same sickness as your sister has, where the less sick help the more troubled? Maybe your sister could join such a group in order to make new contacts and possibly get some help from others than you.
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Today's date: Sun, 24 Sep 2017 14:12:59 +0200