I think i've become completely backwards

i was just reading this on the internet:

"Just as we naturally care for ourselves and want what is good for ourselves"

and i realize i don't have any of this. in fact, over the last year a good amount of time was devoted to my personally destroying everything i could enjoy (i would listen to music and constantly think of ways of why it was A) not music and B) not worth my time) and i now understand that i care not what happens to me, no matter what. i feel no care for myself, only contempt. there is something in me that doesn't want me to feel happy, just worse.