Fear of Failure

I am an 18 yr old girl.I couldn't pass out of my 10 and 11 class so I had to repeat them.I am very depressed for not being able to succeed and even now that I have written my 11th class exams again I am sure I will fail in them.I am terrified of failure.Though I am not a bad student at all;I get very unwell before my exams due to the fear and tension of exams. Every time there is an exam I used to get severe cough and Asthma attack.But now along with some cough I get headaches.Even now whenever I think about my horrible exams I get a headache.Not only exams whether it is any important decision that I have to make or almost anything that I have to do I get tense very easily.I am always thinking negative about every thing and situation.I am terrified that I would make a wrong decision or I would not live up to my and other people's expectations.Even simple things like choosing a dress takes me a lot of time to decide.I take a lot of time to do things, I feel I am very slow at learning and doing things which girls my age can do quiet easily.I am also depressed about my looks;I am extremely short(4.9 inches tall) I am fat,weak,have pimples and dark circles,have dandruff and split ends.Overall I am extremely unhappy with myself.I want to hurt myself(as a punishment for being so bad).I think about committing suicide but I know I will never do that.But I really want to run away from home I don't want to hurt my family for the mistakes that I do;I don't want to trouble them.I also think that I run away from problems(mostly I just make myself sleep whenever I have a problem).I think I cannot do things in time and get paralyzed by fear that I cannot do it at all.And I leave all hope completely.I am mostly extremely sad or extremely happy.I don't have many friends I don't talk with people much;but I am a chatter box at home.I am also very shy.I fail to judge things correctly I do not know how to react to things correctly.My family tells me not to take any tension and then you can do the work effectively;but I don't know how to not become tense my body immediately starts reacting to tension.I also have difficulty in communicating with people.I think people hate me and don;t love me at all I crave for some love and appreciation.I also don't know how to talk to children I don't like them because they are so truthful they tell me on my face that I am fat and ugly and short.I don't like the food my mother prepares at all so I don't eat for long time and when I eat, I eat very little food or some other junk food(mostly fried).I am becoming very angry,irritated,depressed,impatient and I am losing interest in everything.I haven't had a pleasant time since I was 12 with the start of my menses.From then onwards I became unwell continuously with weakness,severe cough and Asthma.So I did not have good education at that time.I don't remember anything of my years from 12 to 16 except being unwell and unhappy. I have extremely low self esteem.I truly hate myself.But I know it's a wrong thing to do.I don't know what to do.Please help.

Accept yourself the way you are and try to do the best you can of your possibilities. Stop thinking negative thoughts. Force yourself to think of what you want to achieve in the future instead of putting yourself down. Nobody will think of your extra years in school when you are grown up. I have met many people who did bad in school and extremely well in life. What interests do you have? What kind of occupation do you want to have? Try to eat better to improve your health.