Cutting

I am thirteen, almost fourteen, and I cut. I started cutting when my mom and my step-dad were fighting. I stayed up all night, hyperventillating and unable to sleep. Finally, I got up, picked a knife, and cut. And I cut pretty deep for my first time. It didn't bleed a lot but it did bleed. But then a few days later, my mom found out and she started yelling at me and yelling at me. She told me that I had put even more stress on her and that I had no idea what I just did and how I just jepordized the family. And then she told me that I did it for attention. That got me really mad. And I just wanted to go it again. But she also said that if she caught me doing it again, she would send me to a hospital and I got really scared after that. Well, I kept on thinking about it and thinking about it and the fights between my mom and my step-dad just got worse and worse and so finally I found some poems to read about cutting to help prevent myself from actually doing it and to settle the urges. And it did. The only problem was that one day, my mom came in my room and found me reading them after her and my step-dad had just had another blow out and started yelling at me. She said that if that upset me, then I need to continue my counseling and tell my counselor that. I was finally getting out of counseling and she told me that. I felt like such a freak. So I picked up a broken CD case and broke it and broke it until I had a really sharp edge and I used it to cut. And then I went to see one of my cats and came back in the house and told my mom that the cat scratched me. I felt so bad for lying but so good for cutting. And then I did it again not a week later. And now I want to do it more and more. I know I need to stop but I can't and it's really, really hard. But I also don't want to be treated like a freak or a nut case and be sent to rehab. So, what can I do? I need to cut, but I need to stop too. Help!

1. Tell your counsellor. Telling will not turn you into a 'freak'. Hiding will. 2. Acknowledge that you have a problem. Real problem.
3. Seek help. Your mother is not your enemy. Talk to her about 'healing' when she is not in a nasty mood.
4. 'Hurting' yourself will not make your Mom/ BF stop shouting. So, it is useless to cut/ hurt yourself. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR BEHAVIOUR, SO STOP BLAMING YOURSELF. Think why should you want to cut yourself? Think real hard. Discard any/ all 'reasons' that your mind gives you. You are a young person. You have your entire life before you. make something of it that you can be proud of. Its not the scars on your hands/ body but on your mind that would last, so stop any thoughts about hurting yourself.
5. Chanellize your energies into something creative- your studies/ sports/ community work/ friends etc. Stay in the library/ friends' house and 'study' as much as you can. Read/ listen to music/ do gardening/ swim. Anything to keep you positively occupied.
6. Talk to your Mom- tell her that 'fighting' is making you 'cut'. Have a conversation with her and not a shouting match.
7. Have a focus in life- think what you want to become. Work for it. It will not be easy to focus if you let your Mom/ BF's fights become center of your life. Ignore. Get out of the house (if its day time).
8. Seek advice from your grand parents/ Mom's sis or brother/ your sis or brother. They can talk to Mom/ BF.
9. Next time you want to cut, instead go for a run. If its night, jog at home. Nothing heals faster than a healthy body.
10. NEVER let the situation control you. Control the situation. Don't go under. Fight and come out winner.