Self-esteem

I am a girl. My ex-friend, who was a girl, "raped" me. She was around 12, and I was around 8. Also, for a short amount of time I was sexually abused by this "priest"...

The physical part was east to get over. The mental part is still not. I have forgiven both of them... almost completely because I know that it's what's best for me. But the fact that I failed at protecting myself eats me. I had a chance to speak out, I did not... I could have reported them, and I did not. They "won"...

Now, I am always so consious whenever I fail... I can't take it when I compared to my friend and they are even slightly better than me...especially who are girls. And that's not what friendships are suppose to have...

If I "fail", I have anxiety, depression and nervousness all these feeling altogether...
I cry in my bed for at least 2 nights...
I hate this feeling...it's the worst feeling ever...
As I cry, my heartbeat gets faster too...

Now, I am in high school and I know I will fail a lot...how can I cope with myself...what should I do?

It is not too late to report. The "priest" should be stopped to protect other children.

Everybody fails now and then in the beginning. This is no problem, if you try again and do not give up until you have succeeded. Do not compare yourself with others but with yourself. Then you can appreciate your development all the time.

Read about treatment of victims of molestation.

Read about self esteem.