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Independent expert answers
on psychiatry and psychology

Not Feel Like Making Love

Abstract: Relation problems, lack of proper stimulation, psychological problems.

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Not Feel Like Making Love

Intelligent natural language question-answering in the area of psychology and psychiatry. Ask a simple question  Local help Info


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Question(s): 
Written by: Wendy Moelker, psychologist in charge of Emergis, Goes, the Netherlands.
First version: 22 Jul 2008.
Latest revision: 22 Jul 2008.

What is the reason that I have a reduced interest in making love?

Answer:

Feeling like making love, also called sexual desire, is an emotional and physical reaction to an certain erotic stimulation. The physical reaction for example the erection of the man or the vagina getting wet for the woman, may be suppressed or valued positively. Lust for sex may follow after kissing ardently, caressing the body affectionately or touching the genitals in a certain way. Sexual arousal can also come from evaluating the other as being physically attractive for example.

The longer relationships last, the more other things will coincide with sexual attraction, for example if the person gives you enough attention or helps you run the house.

Look at the problem from a physical, psychological and social perspective. In order to feel like making love, there must be physical stimulation; this needs certain hormones and the right touch. Hormonal disorders, certain medication and depression can block this stimulation. So it is important to look at these possible causes of the problem and treat them.

Psychological factors also play a role. Stimulants that induce the desire to make love are: considering your partner attractive, an erotic stimulation, fantasizing about making love, and trying to make a pass at someone.

Factors that block these psychological stimulants are: finding your partner unattractive, having negative thoughts about making love, recalling unpleasant fantasies about making love, negative emotions, stress and fear. Pressing norms may play a role.

Ideas like: "desire comes spontaneously", "love play consists of intercourse" and "if you don't want to have sex you are not normal" play a role.

Social causes may be problems between the partners. Communication problems (one wants to sleep, the other feels rejected by this) may play a role. There may also be a struggle for power between the partners.

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