Two years ago I dated a boy for one and a half year. We had a good relationship with love and understanding. Because of our situation in school he had to live abroad for a couple of months and I had to stay in the same town. We were planning to move in together for a couple of months and then I would move back to finish my school. Before this happened he broke up and did not give me an in-depth explanation but the explanation he gave me was that he did not love me. I was heart broken but was able to get back on my feet after a while again. During this time I talked to him approximately every other week, sometimes more. After a year we met again and it felt like a lot of the feelings were still there and we had a very nice night together despite him having a girlfriend. After this we decided to not talk for a long time as it would not be good in his current relationship and not good for me either. A couple of months after we started talking again, but just in a very friendly way as he still had a girlfriend. We met for a coffee a couple of months after and we had a really good time, that time also as just friends. A couple of weeks after he broke up with his girlfriend and we started talking more often. Finally we decided that I would first come and visit which went very well. When I visited we agreed we where aware of the situation of us living in two different countries and thereby just meeting to have a nice weekend which we did. So good that he came to see me in my country last weekend. I felt that I still have very strong feelings for him and it seemed like he felt the same way for me to, but we did however not talk about our feelings. I feel like we are giving each other very mixed signals at the moment and I am uncertain what he wants. It seems he does not want to talk about it and we still have not decided if we are going to see each other again because maybe we are starting something more serious then. I feel uncertain about us dating again, but sometimes I think it has more to do with what he thinks as he said we were going to start something that he might not be able to follow through (I dont know what he ment by that).. I feel like I am getting such mixed signals that I dont know what to do. Should I be straight with him that I want to continue seeing him or give this whole thing some time? This is tearing me apart inside and I think about it all the time. It feels like Im just putting myself out there again, most likely to get hurt again. It is my gut that tells me that. But why would we stay in touch and meet each other like this and be like "the good old times" if there are no feelings left? Does he want the cake and eat it?
Please help me, I feel like Im beeing self destructive thinking of this...
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Today's date: Wed, 7 Dec 2022 18:43:03 +0100