After being with my boyfriend for aver 2and1/2 years,I finally conjured up enough courage to tell him that I haven't climaxed with him during the course of our relationship. Furthermore, no man has ever made me orgasm during intercourse. (all 2 of my partners)
..it all made sense. One night after making love, I was brought to tears by thoughts of distance between me and my boyfriend. I feel as if we are biulding a life together and growing more and more everyday. Communication has never been an issue. However, I kept deep inside the truth that I haven't orgasmed with him since we've been together.
I felt, and still feel, that there is something wrong with me! I cried hysterically, he felt crushed. Felt as if every deep breathe and moan was "fake." He told me he was "taken as a fool." I am trying to express to him that it all feels and IS truly AMAZING, nothing is fake about it... we love eachother, erego, we make love.
The problem lies within a few aspects; one. I KNOW how long it takes me to orgasm, and I begin to hear this clock ticking in the back of my head whenever he is consentrating on me to make me climax. This guilt sweeps over me as if he is working too hard, and i just want to put him out of his chore of doing it... and i just say i came. While he is doing everyithing possible to make me climax, I just KNOW it is not going to happen. two. When we do make love and I don't orgasm, he feels so bad! THen we're back to number 1 all over again. So, everyone is happier if i just climax and we move one. I don't feel as if i'm necessarily "missing" out. I LOVE to feel his amazingly soft skin, his strong arms, I love to have him sweep over me.
I've never felt as if I am missing anything until we layed in bed after making love and I just felt as if all of the sudden, it wasn't cutting it. :( I expressed this and as he was talking, and getting more and more frustrated, i heard the cogs come together in one giant CLICK.... "no wonder why you feel this way, you never orgasm and meet him on the level of extacy you desire. He needs to know you've never orgasmed with him."
So here I am... looking at clitoral stimulation gels and reading up on disorders.
What I know:
I know I can orgasm. I've used an amazing vibrator and thoroughly enjoy an orgasm or five!
I know that I carry guilt for not being honest with the love of my life.
I know I carry guilt for taking too long to orgasm.
Have I "over-used" the vibrator and now made orgasm during intercourse impossible?
Is there hope for us? I keep telling him I will do everything possible to figure this out. Right now we're both scared to death to make love! I just wish he could see beyond his pain to work WITH me on this.