hi, i really need your help and advice. I'm a 30 year old male and happily married. I'm heterosexual and have never been attracted to men, can't even imagine being so.
But throughout my 20's, but VERY occasionally, have fantasised about having sex with a man. I've had 2 experiences whilst VERY drunk, 1 at about 28 yrs of age and one not long after i got married at 30. It involved giving/receiving oral and fingering - not climaxing and in fact I stopped it on both occassions.
This has really been killing me, the guilt is imeasurable, it's off the scale.
The thought of having sex with another man doesn't repel me but certainly doesn't excite me, women do a great deal, always have done, especially my wife.
Does this mean i'm on the way to being Gay or Bi-sexual? I've been trying to rationalise why did I want to experiment, and even then, why twice? and why at this age? I can assure you i've never felt pressured into having relationships with wommen due to family or environmental pressures. I love women and everntually fell in love with my wife and love her more each day.
I feel like these experiments have been an itch i've scratched and don't want more and the combination of curiosity and lots of alcohol prompted the 2 experiences to occur and go as far as they did. I also feel like it's a late bit of experimentation but that i am in fact confortable in my sexuality.
I desperatly need some reassurance - i want the life i've got with my wife, that's no illusion and i'm not trying to convince myself of anything, i wholeheartedly want the life i have with my wife.
It has taken a lot out of me writing this, I'd appreciate reassuarance and advice to put this behind me, put my mind at rest and move on with the rest of my life.
Thanks You very much
You want to live with your wife. Forgive yourself and stay sober. Those experiences would not have happened without alcohol.
Being homosexual at times is nothing to feel guilt for, but being unfaithful to your wife can be a reason to feel guilt. One has to accept that one sometimes does not do the right thing, and not brood too much about this.
Some people who are mainly heterosexual have some homosexual tendencies at times, even if they do not show this openly or talk about it.