Help with depression

I live in India where dating and premarital afairs are condemned. I was 16 .. 17 years old in 12th, when I developed an attachment with a boy, he was very popular in the class but acedemically very bad while I was a front-bencher, serious in studies. He used me for physical enjoyment and then left me. In order to prove his detachment, he started humuliating me and insulting me and calling me names on my face in the college. I was deeply hurt, in pain and could not share it with anyone. Since then I have had number of quick affairs with guys mostly physical. I was no longer good in studies. I had a bright future ahead of me which never materialized. My mother had an idea about my ways of living.. She had let her down, ended her hopes and dreams. But I loved and respected her . She was a phd. I wanted to be someone and she was the only one who knew about my secret dream. But she died 1 and 1/2 year back. I was forced to marry a guy I didnot like due to financial and other constraints. It was an arranged marriage, arranged by my relatives. I dont love my husband, I am not able to get any job, though I have an intelligent mind and a professional degree. Please help me I feel helpless