Last 2 years I have been very unsatisfied with my life. I was aiming for med school when my step father died, I scored 3 points less than med and was placed in law school. But even since my father's gone I feel very unmotivated.
The thing is he was working at a job he hated and got paid pretty well. Everyday he would go to his job with a resignation in his pocket. He would plan how he would spend the money once he retire and our trips etc. But unexpectedly he had a heartattack and died in the middle of all of it. He worked hard gave his all and most importantly gave his health to his job due to high stress ( he was the main manager at a bank).
Seeing his incredible efforts going invain and hard work not repaid made me think twice about my life choices.
If you can just die in any moment of your life whats the point of going through all the trouble of hard work?
What's the point of having a high paying job or why should I bother about being successful if it couldn't matter much at any moment of my life I could just die.
Having these thoughts I cant make myself do any kind of job. Once I used to think I wanted to be the best now I thibk that having a mediocore job is not such a bad thing. But the thing is I wouldn't even study enough for my law exams. I just can't bring myself to study because it seems so pointless to me. It used ro make a lot of srnce before but now it doesn't. Much like anything else. Is this a post grief condition ? What would you advice me to do ? Thank you for your answer in advance
P.s. I had a bad relationship with my step father and he was mainly the motivator for me to work since I craved to get away from him. I felt some pain and grief due to his absence but I feel like it isn't the main problem with my inability to work.
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Today's date: Mon, 6 Jul 2020 03:35:12 +0200