I need advice...I have been married for 6 years. My husband is kind and a great provider. I do love him very much, but we have had major intimacy issues in our marriage. For the first 5 years of our marriage we rarely had sex. He would shy away from me when I would try to hug him or if I did something intimate like slap him on the backside. He has a problem with premature ejaculation, but I have always been okay with that. It is an issue that he does not want to deal with and I have always told him I was fine with having sex in an unconventional way. I understand that this is something that can be embarrassing to him and I have always been very understanding and tolerant of his situation. However, after so long I began to feel neglected and unattractive because anytime I would try to initiate sex he would turn me down. I tried to talk to him about it and tell him how I felt when he constantly turned away from me but it didn't help. I urged him to seek help but he has always refused.
After feeling neglected and hurt for so long I began thinking about someone from my past; someone that I had never really gotten over. We had a whirlwind romance over 11 years ago and it ended because he moved far away. I had always been in love with him but never expected to see him again so I tried to move on. I decided to post an ad on Craigslist in the "Missed Connections" section in the VERY slim chance that he would see it. Two days later I got an email from him. We began talking and texting in June. By the end of July I had met him and we had been together. Then, my husband found out that I had been talking to him. He still doesn't know that we have been together several times. I told my husband about him and the way that I had been feeling and he promised that he would get better if I never talked to the other man again. I said I wouldn't and I really did try, but I just couldn't stay away from him.
My husband actually has gotten better. We have sex a lot more now, he is much more intimate and doesn't pull away from me like he used to. But, I'm afraid it's too little, too late. I am in love with the other man and as hard as I try I just can't stop seeing him. He wants me to leave my husband, and I am seriously considering it. As I said, I love my husband very much, but I love this man just as much. I don't want to hurt either of them. I think about the future and which one I would be happier with in the long term and I just don't know. In many ways I am more suited to the other man. He is dominant, I am submissive. We are both driven people and have many interests in common. My husband is not dominant, and is not at all driven. He is a hard worker, a good provider, and a sweet and gentle man. We don't have many interests in common but I have tried to adapt to his interests in order to find ways to be closer to him. He is safe and will always be there for me. This is not a situation I ever imagined I would be in. I know it is all my fault and I am prepared to face the consequences either way. I just don't know which way to go. I am confused, guilt ridden, and incredibly stressed. Please, if you have some advice for me I would greatly appreciate it.
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Today's date: Sat, 26 Sep 2020 00:30:00 +0200