So for a while I've known that my thoughts and way of life isn't quite normal but I couldn't really put a reason as to why to it.
My personality is actually rather twisted one could say. I have trouble forming emotional bonds with people. I can honestly say that when it comes to making friends, it's easy because I know how people want me to act and the act is very natural. However, in my mind, I think differently then I express myself.
If you asked someone, they would say I'm kind and caring but really, I don't care about most everyone I talk to. I don't particularly hate humans but I find them rather useless. Their only use would be to entertain one another on a short term or sometimes long term basis.
Now those who hear this would think 'why keep people around then'? Well honestly, I hate being alone. That's why I act friendly and keep others around. But really, I tend to act like a care and give small pieces of advice when really I'm only speaking from what I've seen others do.
I also have a lot of trouble with relationships. If someone asked me out, I'd say yes without thinking about it because I know I'll grow bored. Once I grow bored of someone, I break up with them. Simple as that, no remorse. I normally wait about 6 months to do this.
When someone I actually care about asks me out, I would say no because I don't want to grow bored of them but this has only happened to two people in my life time (I am 18 soon to be 19).
I am Female but I doubt that has much to do with it. Androsexual, cross dresser, just a few other small details.
I like being in control but at the same time love being surprised. For example, I love being able to tell you what will happen but then witnessing something else from my original guess. Aren't I strange~?
I don't hate myself but I have low self-esteem. I'm not jealous of others (since they're just useless anyway).
So I guess I'm asking...is there really a personality disorder to describe all of this? I have been told by a few people in past I might have one but can't afford anything for an official diagnosis~
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Today's date: Fri, 5 Jun 2020 12:14:06 +0200