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  Re: my boyfriend is cheating on me but I can't leave him

KOM2002 (reply)  Re: my boyfriend is cheating on me but I can't leave him

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reply Re: my boyfriend is cheating on me but I can't leave him , 386D8EC92167F840302FF137D600275C , 05 Jul 2010 07:47
question Re: my boyfriend is cheating on me but I can't leave him , 1AC38B777AD33A345A745A15252E43E3 , 23 Apr 2010 17:02
Re: my boyfriend is cheating on me but I can't leave him (Reply to: 142827 from 05678AFBD7871647CEA84039848FCC52 )
From: 6E2D188F47CD83B94C9804AEFB0AD59F
Date: Tue, 20 Apr 2010 17:06:39 +0200
Language: English


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To all of those whose boyfriend is cheating on you and know it,

You can't make the cheater change. He needs to want to change for himself. He obviously doesn't want to. The fact that you know about the cheating and still accepts his lies means that you are ok with the situation. Because deep inside, no matter what he says, you know he is full of shit, and deep down you think you don't deserve any better.

I have one word for you CODEPENDENCE... The reason why you can't leave is NOT because you love him. It is because you are codependent to his sick behaviour. You may have feelings of love, but mostly they are insecurities and fears that keep you with him.

If he is texting another girl... he is cheating. If he is seeing another girl or flirting, he is not respecting you... If he is seeing another man, oh well, you fill in the blanks.

If you think the cheating is bad now, when he can still loose you what do you think is going to happen if you marry him... you think that'll solve all your problems?

I am telling you this because I was engaged for 2 years to a guy that treated me like a queen, we were best friends... but he was shady and lied too. Texted girls and gave out his phone number like he was single... I loved him too, I used to think that it was my fault, somehow, although I never did anything wrong. Until I faced the true: I can't control what he does. That is his choice. However, I can control what I do. If he won't give us other women, then I will give him up. He tried to get back to me, cried, went to therapy with me, made promises... he just couldn't change his lying... so I finally said NO MORE.

I am in the process of recovering myself. I was drained, aged probably 8 years while I was with him, had stomach aches everyday, was depressed, thought of suicide... It's not worth it.

I am still trying to figure out why I felt attracted to him in the first place, and why do I feel the need to be with him. But I keep going back to the way he makes me feel when he lied, and I know I am better off without him.

I recommend a book called LOVE IS A CHOICE, and I recommend to go to therapy to uncover why you feel you need to put up with this crap to begin with.

I am sorry if this is not what you want to hear, but I can only be honest and wish you the best. The rest is up to you.

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KOM 2002