What can i say. I'm in the same boat.. My boyfriend of 9 months now cheated on me numerous times. With his ex. Unfortunately, although I knew from the start that he had just gone through a recent breakup, I still went into the relationship. Sad thing is, "her" (the other girl's) best friends are "his" best friends. I could not for the life of me steer clear of the girl. We always saw her.. sometimes it was even planned! She planned her appearances soemtimes with the help of "their" friends..
Long story short. He's saying he's done with cheating on me.. even went as far as moved back to our home country first (he's just waiting on me now. but im waiting for my passport renewal.) so that we can start a new life.. BUT.. here's some things that have gotten me thinking..
Ever have friends that tell you give it time so you can think..?
LISTEN to them. I always opposed because I HATED the feeling. I hated EVERY darn second that would pass and I wouldnt be next to him.. But seriously.. time apart is helping me with making this big decision of moving to a new country and starting everything over..
Here are just a few of the things that my close friend gave me as advice and although I cant FULLY bring myself to break up with my boyfriend just yet, there's a part that's slowly growing inside me that WANTS to.. that is SICK of the lies. SICK of the pain. SICK of having experienced it in the first place, especially with someone I loved so much and gave my everything to. Sick of just having to live everyday in fear knowing that although I've forgiven him, there's permanent damage there that can't be undone.. a permanent phobia.
Anyways here's the advice from them... not so much as advice.. but it's more like the sentence that they told me..
BTW, this was AFTER they found out that he cheated on me for the last time and we made up. This was when he already left for another country and I decided to speak with some old friends again.
- "The way he looked at you.. it was probably the same look he gave her.. the way he kissed you.. he probably kissed her in the same way.. the way he touched you.. he touched another girl just like that.. can you really live with a guy that can do the same thing to two girls at once, and there you were giving it your all for him.. there you were loving him and only him.. could you really?"
- "I'll be straight with you.. You have two options the way I see it.. If you're going to move back you might as well tell him 'Hey, if you're going to cheat, dont break up with me just to cheat.. just go AHEAD and cheat on me, it's okay!' because it's obvious that if he does it to you again there that you'll still take him back and you'll be living a hellish life forever wondering if he'll do it again. OR TWO, you stay here.. you let him stay there.. you be miserable for.. say a year.. you have friends.. we're here for you.. we'll go out.. keep you busy.. and you'll move on in no time and eventually find someone new.. your call"
- "How does someone who repeatedly tells you that he loves you go and do that in the first place"
I mean that's just a few of the things that they told me but you know... talking with friends really helps out a lot... i suggest it for all girls/women going through this type of situation.. and keep asking yourself...
DOES HE DESERVE YOU AT ALL?
because honestly.. that's what i keep asking myself right now and it's making me analyze my whole situation and take everything into consideration...
... another thing... how do you tell your kids that the way you and their dad's first year was just full of lies, deceit and cheating... isnt it usually a cute story of how you guys fell in love.....
like the saying always goes... once a cheater.. always a cheater..
my boyfriend is living proof of that.. cant even count how many times he's cheated on me.. dont know if it's just because of the long distance between us now that hes actually showing that he cares... but i really dont want to have to go there, waste money, time, effort, and have this some kind of hope that he's changed .. only to be heartbroken again if he falls back into habit and cheats on me again..