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  Am I being overly paranoid?
  ** Re: Am I being overly paranoid?


KOM2002 (question)  Am I being overly paranoid?

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reply ** Re: Am I being overly paranoid? , Gunborg Palme - Leg psykolog - Leg psykoterapeut - Telefon 08-664 60 92 , 04 Jun 2007 03:22
question Am I being overly paranoid? , ****** , 02 Jun 2007 04:09
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Am I being overly paranoid?
From: ******
Date: Sat, 2 Jun 2007 04:09:25 +0200
Language: English


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Before I begin, let me make it clear the police and CPS have been notified and are involved in this case. To what extent…I don’t know. Anyway……..

I provide daycare out of my home. I have become friends with one of the mothers I provide care for; we will call her “Karen”. Karen and her significant other (we will call him John) have 4 children between the two of them. John has two daughters from a previous marriage (12 and 8), Karen has a son from a previous marriage (12) and together they have a daughter who is 3.

I have a 3 year old daughter who is friends with their 3 year old daughter. I also have a 13 year old son who has become friends with Karen’s 12 year old son. So, I guess you could say there are three or four different relationships here; a business relationship between me and the other parents, a friendship between me and the parents and a friendship between our children.

Karen’s son, we will call him Sam, has always been a worry to me. He has anger issues and just seems to be one of those kids you know is going to be a trouble maker. He curses his parents out all the time, takes off from home when he is mad, he’s sneaky and doesn’t follow “rules” very well, and has admitted to liking the taste of beer. My husband and I have always been leery of their friendship because we have a “feeling” that Sam is going to be one of those kids who introduce alcohol, smoking, drugs, sex, etc…, to the other children (i.e. our son). Up until now, he hadn’t really done anything wrong, so we didn’t really have any excuse to end the friendship.

Then, one day, about 3 weeks ago, my son came home from school and told me that Sam had told him he wouldn’t be able to play for awhile because he was on restriction for at least a month. Sam wouldn’t explain any further and got weird when my son pressed him for details. The next day, I asked Karen what was going on. She grudgingly told me.

Apparently Sam was caught molesting one of his step sisters (the 8 year old). He had actually been accused of it before but everyone felt the 8 year old girl was lying and being “led” by her older sister and real mother just to cause problems. This time, the 8 year old girl had “proof” in that she was bleeding (supposedly a scratch caused by a hang nail). Sam and Karen’s side of the story is that the children were just being “curious” together. Knowing the way Sam is; I don’t think it was equal curiosity. I believe he was molesting her and I now believe that she was telling the truth back in December when she first accused him of it.

Also, about two years ago the older sister (now 12 yrs) was having “issues” with Sam and Karen told me it was because they had been curious and had “fooled around”. I think that if that was equal curiosity, then why did the girl have issues about it and not Sam? I know kids are getting more curious about sex at earlier ages these days, but my son (and all of his other friends) still think girls are weird and a pain in the neck. None of them have had girl friends and none of them seem all that interested. Just Sam.

Apparently, Sam’s step sister ended up calling her mother who lives about 4 hours away. The mother drove out and brought the police with her. The month of restriction Sam was supposed to be on ended up being Sam moving out and living with his Aunt for the summer to separate him from the girls.

Unfortunately, a week after the incident, Sam was back. He moved back in the house with the girls and apparently even got off restriction because he started calling my son wanting to hang out. Karen has not mentioned anything since then and it seems like they are all just pretending that nothing ever happened.

As a side note, my husband is a police officer and even he doesn’t know what the police and CPS are going to do about the situation given the young age of all of the children.

Now, here is my problem. I am not comfortable having Sam around. First and foremost, I have a little girl of my own and I don’t want her to be exposed to that kind of behavior and heaven forbid Sam ever touched her in a rare moment when my back is turned. Also, I don’t want my son around that kind of stuff. Like I said before, we have never really been comfortable with Sam and now I feel Sam has validated our feelings that he is “trouble”. I don’t want him introducing “things” to our son and just over all being a negative influence.

We have used up as many lame excuses as we can as to why Sam can’t come over and (or) why my son can’t play. I KNOW, without a doubt, that the welfare of my children must come first before anything else, but I still feel like I am in between a rock and a hard spot. Our daughters are best friends, we (the parents) are friends, and I have a business relationship with them. Not only are Sam and my son friends, but they share ALL of the same friends. I know, without a doubt, that if I tell the parents about my discomfort, I will no longer have them as a client, our friendship will be over, and the friendship between our daughters will be cut. Karen, when she told me the problem, was sort of leaning on me as a friend. She was confessing her problems to me because she felt she could due to our friendship. If I tell her that her son is not welcome here she will feel double crossed.

Am I being overly worried and paranoid? Am I making something that should be no big deal into something bigger? Could it have just been mutual curiosity between children? Is it ok to allow the boys to still be friends? As long as I watch my daughter VERY closely, is it ok to allow Sam in my house? What about allowing my son to go to their home?

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thank you ~ Amanda
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** Re: Am I being overly paranoid? (Reply to: 102274 from ****** )
From: Gunborg Palme - Leg psykolog - Leg psykoterapeut - Telefon 08-664 60 92
Date: Mon, 4 Jun 2007 03:22:06 +0200
Language: English


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One possibility is that you let the children play together in your home, but do not leave them alone.

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KOM 2002