Self-esteem

I am a girl. My ex-friend, who was a girl, "raped" me. She was around 12, and I was around 8. Also, for a short amount of time I was sexually abused by this "priest"...

The physical part was east to get over. The mental part is still not. I have forgiven both of them... almost completely because I know that it's what's best for me. But the fact that I failed at protecting myself eats me. I had a chance to speak out, I did not... I could have reported them, and I did not. They "won"...

Now, I am always so consious whenever I fail... I can't take it when I compared to my friend and they are even slightly better than me...especially who are girls. And that's not what friendships are suppose to have...

If I "fail", I have anxiety, depression and nervousness all these feeling altogether...
I cry in my bed for at least 2 nights...
I hate this feeling...it's the worst feeling ever...
As I cry, my heartbeat gets faster too...

Now, I am in high school and I know I will fail a lot...how can I cope with myself...what should I do?