Role of Grandmother in Grandchild´s Life ; Discipline or Permissive Parenting Style

Abstract: It is the parents who have custody of the children and decide how they are raised. A grandparent can only have influence, if the grandparent has good relation with the parents of the children. Permissive and disciplined methods of child raising will bring up different kinds of children, well-adjusted versus creative.

I am the grandmama of an adorable 2 1/2 year old grand-daughter who is being brought up (permissively) by her parents my son & daughter-in-law without any routine of any kind: this worries me.
I talked to my son once about the advantages of having a parenting certain routine (nutritious meals for kids, a bed time, potty training, etc.) but he told me that they are against routine and discipline and that their toddler «will potty-train herself "when ready"» and «wean herself "when ready"» etc.

Answer:

As you are obviously aware, it is the parents who have custody and control over your granddaughter. There is no way that you can influence her, unless you develop a positive relation to her parents, so that they choose to let you take care of the child again. They have to feel that you are not counteracting their wishes.

What is happening now may also be a kind of triumph for them: Mother, you decided over me, when I was a child, but now it is we who decide!

You need not be worried about potty-training. She will learn, whether she is trained or not. To sleep in her parents' bed need not be a problem. It can give her security, especially since she is in day care during the days.

Children can be influenced by the people around them, even if they do not meet so often. Try to get your son's family to accept and like you.

Children who are brought up with order and discipline will more often become conscientious and well-adapted adults.

Children brought up with a great deal of freedom will more often become creative adults. Society needs both kinds of people. Some children, who are brought up in chaotic circumstances, will still do well later in life. Often a reason for this is that a grandparent or a neighbour has influenced them.

I know of people who have been brought up in the way you describe, and who have chosen to live an orderly life. Not because they have been trained that way, but because they decide themselves that this is what they want.