Honestly, I don't ever see me wanting to rekindle our relationship. I feel I have grown in a different direction than he. We can never have a decent conversation together. We are never on the same page. I don't want to get back what I thought we used to have. I want so much more out of life. Sooo much more. I believe we will be divorced in at least 3 years. After we get our finances straightened out. I want to feel wanted. I want to feel loved. Not by him. By someone so much better. He is a great father. But that is the ONLY possitive thing I can say about him. He sucks at everything else. And I mean EVERYTHING ladies.
I know what you are saying about giving my MM space and time. If he comes around, he will come around. I think he knows where he stands at home. I think he feels his wife has him by the balls. I don't know any details since he won't open up to me. But it sounds like she would take his son away from him if he makes the wrong move. Not sure if she can move their son away from him if they get divorced. But I do know he wouldn't see his some every night he came home from work. And he loves that.
I am just having a hard time dealing with the fact he won't admit to my face his feelings. There have been moments that proven to me that he does. But I want to hear it. And if he doesn't, I want him to talk to me about his life. Not about what I did over the weekend. I want to be his friend, but it hurts not to have more than that. I'm sure in time I'll get over that, but I've been waiting over a year. I truly believe talking to you ladies is part of the healing process. I really need to talk to someone and to hear back their opinions and feelings. I dread hearing "stay away from him", "it will never happen". It hurts too much and I don't want to believe it. Even if it's true. I so want to have hope. But not false hope.
For the past 1 1/2 weeks I have been trying to keep my distance from him. I feel if I open up to him it's only one sided and I feel like I am talking to a wall. He knows my situation at home. I will complain to him every once in awhile to vent. He knows there's no hope with my husband and I. But yet he won't talk to me about his home life. I don't know wheather I should continue to open up to him and let him in (when he doesn't) or to continue to keep my distance. I feel I will get my hopes up again and then have them crash. I don't want to not get my hopes up. I so want to feel wanted. To feel loved. To connect. But not no longer with my husband. There isn't anything there.
I started to go out to the movies with my friend once a month. That has helped tremenously. I have even started to take my son to the movies more. Just to get out of the house (and to spend quality time with him - husband is a dud - doesn't suggestion activities). I even go in to the office on Sundays to get out of the house. Shopping helps. Love shopping. But I need more to get my mm off my mind. He's on it 24/7. Sucks!
Talking to you ladies helps me a lot. Thanks so much for the chats. Hugs! Rekips
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Today's date: Fri, 20 Jul 2018 06:46:59 +0200