It's true that those things would hurt a lot, that it's wrong, but you don't undertstand if you're not in it. I'm not commenting on you because it's us who are probably wrong and not you. But I'm just saying that it doesn't make you a bad person.
I mean I'm 24 years old and I never had a boyfriend before, all my life has been fixated on studying and working and I still live with my parents. This summer I met a man and he's married and I fell in love with him, he has children too. I never ever would have thought this would have happened to me because I used to think and in a certain way still think in the same way that you do,but it's not that simple. My parents gave me a good education and I don't understand why it happened and I blamed myself already a lot for it. It's not true that I don't care at all about the wife and the children.. it actually tears me apart inside because I know they are nice people and I don't have any rights to ruin that..children deserve to have a real family!! but what I feel inside is real too, and I miss him every minute of the day.
I actually don't know what to do with it because I don't want to hurt the other people and on the other hand I have strong feelings for him too and it hurts a lot and yes you are right in a certain way that is egoistic as well. However it doesn't make you a bad person, it's not for sex or lust like you say, we didn't even have sex until now because I felt bad about it even if the feelings are there. I don't know how it is with other people, but it's not at all for this in my case. He's my best friend as well and I tell him everything. I don't want to loose that because I never had this before which is also egoistic, you are right.
I'm not trying to defend it here, I know it's wrong it's not something to be proud of and it's true that not only the men are guilty and it's true as well that you should clear it out at home when you want something else before creating other more difficult situations.
The only thing that I wanted to say is that often in the replies that I read people are attacked like they are some kind of monster just because they want to be loved even though it's probably a wrong choice they made (like me)... but it's not true that suddenly you become some kind of monster, maybe we are blinded, I have to admit that, but that's what happens most of the time when you are in love, even though in this case it's far from ideal. Sometimes things happen in your life you never thought would happen, like in this case for me. My parents are married for 35 years now, they are still in love. I always thought things were ok automatically, that something like that would happen to me as well. I myself never had a real boyfriend before and I'm 24, I think I'm a quite silent person and I studied a lot, didn't go out much..I never ever thought I would do something like this.. and yet I'm in it now adn I feel guilty as hell but yet can't let go, my head says no, my heart says yes. I used to think as well that you had to be a terrible person to create a situation like that, if you would have told me this 6 years ago then I would have said that this could never ever have happened to me. That it's bad and wrong.
Sometimes life takes a direction that you didn't think possible and then you have to cope with it. It's not just this, but I saw already in my surroundings that sometimes things happen that you never expected not only on the love -side of life but in every aspect. That's why I think you should never judge people because you don't know them, you don't know what they are thinking and why they act in a certain way even though wrong. Other people may do the right thing in this aspect of life but do big mistakes in others.. It doesn't make you a bad person, maybe a stupid person in that moment yes, but not a malicious one. I just learnt that you just know certain situations when you are in it and not from outside... not only in this case but also regarding other problems.
This is not an attack towards what you said because you are right.. I just wanted to explain that sometimes it's not that easy not that black and white and you do the wrong things even though you didn't want to at first and you do stupid things.
Take care to all of you!
PS. tried to submit this already but it disappeared from the list.. any idea why?
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Today's date: Sun, 23 Sep 2018 10:17:19 +0200