Letter frpm a reader: I am at the end of a 11 month affair where the woman I was having an affair with was in an "open marriage" and I was not. I moved out of the house 10 months ago to pursue this affair, all the while trying to cope and understand what I was doing. The woman I was having the affair with fell instantly in love with me and I fell instantly in love with her. 10 months later I divorced my incredibly patient strong and beautiful wife of 15 years for this woman who just decided to get back with her husband. In the 10 months we were in the affair she had moved out of the house and rented a small cabin where we could spend passionate time together. We talked every day for 11 months, saw eachother at least one week out of each month, if not more. We talked of marriage, children, being soul mates and all the rest. I fell for her hard and am now paying for it. I take my responsibility in my actions but only wish she would as well. In an "open marriage" there is too much gray area and lack of boundries for a truly wholesome marriage, or relashionship to exist. I told her this from day one about how I just didn't understand an "open marriage". It sounds like your on a real slippery slope with this continued affair. What I told the woman I was having an affair with, from the beginning, is give me honesty. It is all I could ask for, for I was not her husband and was only her lover. And she was honest, for when one is used to being in an "open marriage" what else is their but honesty and respect in that marriage. "open marriages" is filled with such grayness that when a lover comes in then that grayness engulfs them all. All of it now I see as text book, I was the fool in this, as it seems the man you are having the affair with will end up being, I hope not. Since you are the one in the "open marriage" and you have an understanding and are very communicative with your husband, you too need to very honest with yourself. You can't have both. Their will be consiquenses you will suffer regardles of the outcome.