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KOM2002 (question)  Having an affair...we are both married

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reply Re: having an affair...we are both married , ****** , 04 Jan 2007 20:15
reply ** Re: Having an affair...we are both married , Gunborg Palme - Leg psykolog - Leg psykoterapeut - Telefon 08-664 60 92 , 27 Dec 2006 05:51
question Having an affair...we are both married , ****** , 26 Dec 2006 10:36
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Having an affair...we are both married
From: ******
Date: Tue, 26 Dec 2006 10:36:25 +0100
Language: English

 


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I am currently in a 6 month affair with a married man. i am married as well. well i say 6 months...its been 10 years+ but just picked up again 6 mos ago and are sleeping together this time. he left his wife (then girlfriend) for me 10 years ago, but was young, (she is older) but went back to her...we remained friends...we moved on..he married her 5 years later, and i married shortly after.

we didnt see each other again till about 3 years ago. meanwhile me and his wife remained friends...she knew about me 10 years ago but not now. we are still friends to this day and she has no clue. my husband not only knows about him, but encourages and helps us through difficult times. my marriage IS a happy one...i know no one believes that, but it is...his on the other hand is miserable...she is something else...i know first hand due to being friends with her for 10 years, i know her as well as he does...sometimes better.

anyway...he came to a party we had one night and i dont know why but that night, seeing him was different.. we have always been attracted to each other but have both thought it was overwith. well it wasnt...we have both agreed to stay put with who we are with...we refuse to leave our spouses for each other...we both want to be together and will end up together if our marriages end for reasons other than our affair. the problem....i am totally in love with this man..cant think about anything else...my husband and i have an open marriage so he is who i talk to about this and he in turn talks to him..afterall..they are best friends.

i want to be with him all the time and cant see my life without him. neither one of us want to end our marriage over this...especially me. i have 2 kids that love my husband very much even though he is not their father, and he has done so much for us. i love my husband very much, but long to be with the other man so much it hurts. he feels the same way about me...are there any men out there that can help me with this.

i know what the women will say cause i was one of those women who thought that all men who cheat are scum...but he is not alone in this...im in this with him. we have both said we would just continue this and no one leave anybody...can that really work?? his only reason for not leaving her is because she is a very emotionally unbalanced person. she tried to committ suicide back in the summer shortly after we started our affair..not due to us...she has no clue..just from her own mental problems and he is afraid that leaving her would send her over the edge again...which it would...especially if she found out it was me.

i know he loves me..he always has, as i have him...we just realized it too late and now i dont know what to do or where to go from here. i cant lose him again...ive tried to just break things off..tried to push him away and he just wont go..we started ten years ago due to the way his wife treated him and continues to do today...she is just awful to him. if she was well, it might be an option but for now its not...would like some REAL advice..not man-hating, home wrecker crap.

he has no children with her..i do feel bad, but you would have to know her. its a difficult situation at best and we never set out to do this...just unresovled feelings that neither of us realized were still there. started out as curiousity cause we never slept together 10 years ago, and with my husbands blessing, he let me explore those feelings...none of us knew it would lead to us being in love. can we make this work the way it is now...is there anyone out there that is doing this successfully? if so i would really love to talk to them. thanks....
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** Re: Having an affair...we are both married (Reply to: 90609 from ****** )
From: Gunborg Palme - Leg psykolog - Leg psykoterapeut - Telefon 08-664 60 92
Date: Wed, 27 Dec 2006 05:51:58 +0100
Language: English

 


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It is apparantly no problem with your husband, but you are doing a terrible thing against you lover's wife. What would happen if she found out?

Unusual love arrangements do happen without problem if all involved parties accept them. But the more people involved (children on both sides, cuckolded wifes, cuckolded husbands, etc.) the less chance that no one gets hurt.

Read more about problem solving, to check how to best solve your problem.



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Re: having an affair...we are both married (Reply to: 90609 from ****** )
From: ******
Date: Thu, 4 Jan 2007 20:15:49 +0100
Language: English

 


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Letter frpm a reader: I am at the end of a 11 month affair where the woman I was having an affair with was in an "open marriage" and I was not. I moved out of the house 10 months ago to pursue this affair, all the while trying to cope and understand what I was doing. The woman I was having the affair with fell instantly in love with me and I fell instantly in love with her. 10 months later I divorced my incredibly patient strong and beautiful wife of 15 years for this woman who just decided to get back with her husband. In the 10 months we were in the affair she had moved out of the house and rented a small cabin where we could spend passionate time together. We talked every day for 11 months, saw eachother at least one week out of each month, if not more. We talked of marriage, children, being soul mates and all the rest. I fell for her hard and am now paying for it. I take my responsibility in my actions but only wish she would as well. In an "open marriage" there is too much gray area and lack of boundries for a truly wholesome marriage, or relashionship to exist. I told her this from day one about how I just didn't understand an "open marriage". It sounds like your on a real slippery slope with this continued affair. What I told the woman I was having an affair with, from the beginning, is give me honesty. It is all I could ask for, for I was not her husband and was only her lover. And she was honest, for when one is used to being in an "open marriage" what else is their but honesty and respect in that marriage. "open marriages" is filled with such grayness that when a lover comes in then that grayness engulfs them all. All of it now I see as text book, I was the fool in this, as it seems the man you are having the affair with will end up being, I hope not. Since you are the one in the "open marriage" and you have an understanding and are very communicative with your husband, you too need to very honest with yourself. You can't have both. Their will be consiquenses you will suffer regardles of the outcome.


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