Relationship with teacher have feelings for

Hello. After my A-levels I shall be leaving my school&6th-form for University. I will have been at my school for 7 years. For almost as long as I've been there (must have been before I even considered the possibility of fancying women) I have been absolutely besotted with a female teacher of mine. She really is a most wonderful person. I always told myself that I'd tell her on my last (leaving) day at this school, but only if I had nothing to lose - in other words, if I hadn't managed to become friends with her or had no hope of remaining in contact once I'd left school. I *have* managed, over the past year or so, to overcome my awkwardness around her and become really quite close. So telling her was thrown out of the metaphorical window; I didn't want to lose her friendship - especially as she is moving to another country at the end of this year, and I want to stay in touch. Unfortunately, on Friday evening, last week, a bunch of us 6th-formers and the said teacher went to the pub. I had too many drinks and was pretty-much all over her. She realised quite quickly about my feelings and said she had had a small suspicion in the past which she had disregarded. She replied to an apologetic e-mail of mine the next day and seemed to have taken it quite well, and said she still wants to stay in touch. However, when I actually physically saw her during the week, she was extremely awkward and made me feel guilty about various things I said and did on Friday. We managed to sort of break the ice though, if not clear the air - but I sent her an e-mail which was back to its normal jokey style later that day, and received no reply. Although she said she still wants to keep in touch (and even said the offer is still standing if I ever want to visit her in ___, where she'll shortly be living with her husband and children) I don't see how this is possible if we can never converse as comfortably as we did before - I think she shall forever be wondering what I'm thinking and what I mean when I talk, and I'll *know* she'll constantly be thinking that... I've been thoroughly miserable since the lack of e-mail (unusual for her) and I suppose I just wondered if there was either any way to clear the air further, or some way to start talking as we had done before...

I am sorry this is a long post, but I felt a simple question wasn't adequate... I shall add that I *do* have a sort of obsessive personality (I have always gone through phases - while obsessed with a book/film etc. my mood is up, and when in between obsessions I have felt low) so my emotions are governed by how things are going with said teacher. I haven't been sleeping at night since this happened, but sleeping at odd times during the day just to make the hours pass more quickly and I keep being overcome with tearfulness. I would also like to add that this teacher has been professional about this and doesn't want to talk much more about anything until after the exams when I'm no longer a "student".