My sister and I were sexually abused by our stepfather. Neither of us disclosed it to each other until we were older. At that time we discovered that my mother had known about both of us and had done relatively nothing.
My sister holds the anger and resentment. She feels guilt for me over being older and not doing more to stop it. I worry that her anger remains harmful. She has been to counseling but she still has a little left over. I tell her she shouldn't think that there is anything more she could have done. We were both children and we told our mother. After this discovery, my mother was cut off from our large family. Some of my aunts and uncles will see her and some refuse. I have conflicted emotions. I want her in my life but I can't seem to reconcile the great relationship I had with my mother while I was growing up with the woman who did "nothing".
I have not visited her for 10 years. She will come and visit me but I feel it is strained and I don't know how to act with her. I can't stand for her to try and play the mother card when she says I have said something that is not respectful. And another part of me sees the sadness in her eyes because she can't act like my mother and makes me feel bad.
I have told her that we lived our childhood according to her rules and it caused the whole family a lot of pain and now I want her in my life but it has to be on my terms. I told her not to bring up his name, never bring him to any event that I will be at, and so forth. She is still with him today and while I think it makes her sad that she doesn't have a relationship with us the way she wanted - I think she is overall ok. And I don't know how to feel about that. I began to work on our relationship when I thought she was so depressed that she may do something and I always have in the back of my mind that she will leave him - if she has support to do so. However, now I don't know what to think or how I should feel. My anger towards him went away pretty quickly because of the deep betrayal I felt from her.
I worry about her and I worry about my sister and I. All of this sounds like she is a terrible woman - but the mother I had and the woman who did this are not the same and I can't seem to understand how they could be. What kind of woman could do nothing?