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KOM2002 (plain)  Going Overseas- Leaving Toddler Behind

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reply Re: Going Overseas- Leaving Toddler Behind , ****** , 02 Apr 2006 01:33
reply Re: Going Overseas- Leaving Toddler Behind , ****** , 01 Apr 2006 19:21
reply Re: Going Overseas- Leaving Toddler Behind , Gunborg Palme - Leg psykolog - Leg psykoterapeut - Telefon 08-664 60 92 , 20 Mar 2006 09:22
plain Going Overseas- Leaving Toddler Behind , ****** , 20 Mar 2006 03:42
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Going Overseas- Leaving Toddler Behind
From: ******
Date: Mon, 20 Mar 2006 03:42:20 +0100
Language: English

 


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Hi there,


I am a 23 yr old woman living in Southern California and I'm traveling to Brazil in 10 days to see my fiance and attempt to start a life there.
My mother-in-law has asked my family( in Southern California also)to take care of my 3 yr old daughter until I am stable in Brazil and can send for her.She is in school and extra curriculars so this is the best option.
I have already told her that I will be going away for awhile and she is quite sad.
My question is how should we deal with this the day I leave. Is it wise to take my daughter to the airport and let her watch me walk on the plane? (knowing her, she will likely try to run after me)
Or should I tell her that I'm leaving and take her to school to play, while explaining to her that I won't be home when she gets home. I am trying to reinforce the positives about my going away ( new house, new school) yet, I am concerned about how she will deal.
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Re: Going Overseas- Leaving Toddler Behind (Reply to: 65441 from ****** )
From: Gunborg Palme - Leg psykolog - Leg psykoterapeut - Telefon 08-664 60 92
Date: Mon, 20 Mar 2006 09:22:15 +0100
Language: English

 


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I would recommend taking her to school and not to the airport.



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Re: Going Overseas- Leaving Toddler Behind (Reply to: 65441 from ****** )
From: ******
Date: Sat, 1 Apr 2006 19:21:45 +0200
Language: English

 


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Letter from a reader: I would never leave my 2year old son, not for any reason or amount of time. He stays with grandma just while I work, but I would never leave him for other reasons. He goes where I go, or I don't go. Because at this age they only understand abandonment, they don't care what your reason is.

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Re: Going Overseas- Leaving Toddler Behind (Reply to: 66527 from ****** )
From: ******
Date: Sun, 2 Apr 2006 01:33:35 +0200
Language: English

 


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You took the time to respond but I'm afraid you answered abrubtly without reading my post or thinking logically before you answered.
You condescendingly replied that you wouldn't "for any reason" leave your son at home, "except to work", however, the purpose of my going overseas is to WORK and make a better life for my daughter and I.
I will go there, attempt to start a business, and once things start moving along, I will send for her. This is only going to happen after I have a school located for her to go (which needs to speak english, as she does)And when I have a business that's making money, I can afford to pay a private school for her, as the public schools where we are going are sub-par.
The reasons we are going in the first place are to give her a better quality of life, and to give her the life only millionaires can have here in Los angeles. While your opinion of "where he goes, I go" makes for a nice 'fairy tale' in the "real world" we must think LOGICALLY on the behalf of our children.
I am saddened by the idea of leaving my daughter for a couple months, but would it make me a "better mother" to just briskly remove her from her daily preschool, which she loves, her gymnastics lessons, and her familiar surroundings(and grandma and grandpa) to go to a place where she doesnt speak the language, won't be in school, doesn't know anyone, and be forced to be "with mommy" while mommy does "grown-up" things like setting up a business and taking care of all the legalities of relocating to another country?
When you go to work, how do you know your son doesn't think you "abandoned" him each day? Obviously while I am gone I will be in contact with my daughter daily, and I will be reinforcing the positives about me being away, ie.,Finding a new school for her, her having her own room, a pool, pets.These are all things we couldn't afford to do here. Naturally, we will get a calendar which will "count down the days' until mom returns.
I know you "think" "at this age kids only know abandonment" But the TRUTH is they at this age they have no concept of time. Today, tomorrow, yesterday, next week, next month, its all the same. So while you think you are doing good, by "only leaving your son while you're working" he has no idea if you are coming back or not. So, by me leaving to go "work somewhere else" in order to provide a "better life' for her, I feel is a MUCH MORE RESPONSIBLE thing to do AS A MOTHER, than to bring her to a new place, with no STABILITY, no COMPRENSION OF THE LANGUAGE, and NO PRESCHOOL. Which she is OBVIOUSLY ACCUSTOMED TO.
I am alarmed that you would bring your son with you into an unknown, unstable environment, just for the purpose of "him being with you" Why wouldn't you want your son to stay in his familiar, stable life, until you could create one for him in the new city? It seems awfully naive of you to think only about "being with him" rather than the emotional aspect of him being "out of his element" What if I went days without food, while I am struggling to start my company in a new country, would you urge me to take my daughter with me? This might be the reality of it.
I thank God that I have a supportive mother and father who have offered to keep her while I am away, they actually encouraged me to leave her, as not to upset her routine and self-esteem.
I appriciate your two cents, but I have two words of advice for you: Grow Up.

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KOM 2002