Re: How Do I Get Over This

I am 56. My husband left me 5 years ago ( we had been married 31 years and it was a shock). I tried to find someone to love me in an online dating service. I met someone I believed to be fantastic, fell for him hard and did not know he was married. I kind of sensed it after a couple of months but didn't know until 3 months time by which point I was in love with him. He pleaded with me to stay with him.

We did not get together physically. We chatted almost every day for 4 years. I helped him in many, many ways as he had some medical problems. I bought him so many things, shopped for groceries, you name it.

This Valentines, Feb 14th. he said his health was bad and he could no longer manage. He threatened to commit suicide, said he had shaved, paid all bills, gotten dressed nicely and would lay in the tub and slit his wrists. I was devastated. Then he seemed to calm down we chatted for hours, he cooked his dinner and asked me to wait on the phone while he ate it. I heard his wife come in. He told her he was a mess. She asked what medication he was on - Amitriptyline and diazepam I think he said. She said something and suddenly there was a "click" on the phone. He never called back again, did not answer my email or phone call.

I am completely devastated. Normally I would run from a married man, but I needed love and he needed me so I stayed. I also discovered 2 years into our arrangement that he was sending letters to other women online identical to the one he first sent me. He said he wouldn't do that anymore but now I think he just kept on.

How can someone you have loved so very much, shared 4 years with, helped, shared you soul with, been intimate with, just up and leave you with a "click" on Valentine's DAy.

I made a mistake, I admit it. But I honestly believed he loved me. I am trying to forgive myself because yes, I have been totally ashamed of what I've done. I didn't want to hurt anyone. I only wanted someone to love and appreciate me. He was more upset when his cat passed away, than he was at leaving me with a click.

I just don't understand and need help with it. Please help me get over this and learn from it.
Thank you.
Anna