I have not seen my mother for about 9 months

dears I have asked you many times about problem with my mother that she doesn't respect me although I am 56 years old & couldn't forgive her even I think sometimes I hate her recently it is about 9 months even I haven't call her in one city I need your help urgently please reply my question if I be regret in future and cannot forgive myself what shall I do but rightnow if I see her I will be suffered all the time at lest I don't see her and try to forget her but I am afraid of the time that i will lose her for ever hectically I am confused and have challenge with myself please help me thanks