what can i do about no self confidence!

I have been through several relationships and always promised myself this time i am not gonna get hurt!As much as i try i am always hurt.It seems i have many good points that are easy to take advantage of.I cant understand why people like to hurt you where they know they can.Its as if they can read right through me. I hate been let down and constantly hurt.I give them so much trust in me that they just abuse it.Often the end of all my relationships is your too good i cant hurt you anymore! If i am so good than why do they hurt me. I just feel worthless and feel that even a lot of friends have managed to hurt me.They seem to be trying to compare to me and try to get in my relationships. I just wish i could find someone that would make me feel good instead of doing things to pull me down. I know its my past that is to blame but i cant seem to get it back its driving me crazy! I dont even want to go out anymore or socialise with anyone! why? I used to love going out! whats happened to me?

Is it really a matter of low self-confidence? I heard the theme "being hurt" repeated in your post. People with low self-confidence don't usually put themselves in a position to be hurt. I think it is another issue.

I would go along with the prior answer. Maybe low self esteem fits better. After being emotionally beat up, so to speak, our self esteem can go way down. Also easily leads to depression, so it would be good to look at the forum on depression.

You said you know it is in your past. Have you gotten any kind of therapy or pastoral counseling? You seem pretty insightful, but you also seem to be waiting for other people to make you feel better. You will have to do that yourself. As long as you are depending on others to make you feel a certain way, you will be vulnerable to being taken advantage of. Perhaps you will need to learn to distinguish between those you can trust and those you can't? In any case, take a look at that past and see how you decided to be the way you are. Believe it or not, you did and do decide to be a certain way. And you can change it. I used to be really shy and be afraid of confrontation. Now I am very comfortable with others' reactions to me, and I like talking to people. No one believes I was ever shy or anxious. I did it with therapy, but also with a lot of self-help books, good friends, challenging jobs, and personal risk-taking. We all have our own issues, but you can make changes to your problem if you learn why you are deciding to be this way, and realize that you made those decisions long ago under different circumstances. You CAN make new decisions today! Start with deciding that you are in charge of how you feel, and work on making it true. I would recommend Dr. Wayne Dyer's "Your Erroneous Zones" as a good starting point. And don't go to just any old therapist - some of them are idiots! Find one that you feel safe telling your secrets to, someone that listens, and doesn't judge you for being who you are, but helps you think about your life and your choices. This will be your first assignment in "who can I trust". Maybe seeing how it works with a therapist will help you figure out who your friends are in the real world.

Good luck!

---- Steve

I thought I lost my self confidence when I divorced. It has been three years, and now I wonder if I ever really had any, and if my relationship replaced it. Your question is what you do, try to trust a therapist.
Your good is worth sharing,
George

I can't offer any advice, only empathy I guess. I'm just searching on the internet to find ways of improving my own self confidence..(everything seems to involve drugs or therapy, neither of which I can afford!)
It seems we're in the same situation, I used to have bags of confidence but now even getting up for work is a huge challenge. I don't panic or anything, I just feel constantly down (I'm hesitant to say depressed as it's an overused term now). I think my past is to blame also, my mother is an alcoholic and I was sexually abused as a child. Sounds like a textbook case for quack shrinks right? Of course I'm going to be messed up...but the fact is I had a very happy childhood. Enough money, nice holidays, good education, parents still together...guess your problems catch up with you though eh.
Anyway, good luck figuring out this weird thing we call life..I'm sure the more unhappiness you suffer in this life, the more happiness you earn in the next.