I am 43, married and having an affair with a married man. I have known this man for over 20 years. I first met him at my place of employment in 1986 and through work and occasional outings I have become more attracted and infatuated with him. We have been secretively together about a dozen times now only in one of our vehicles either just to talk, make out or heavy petting. We can only met in a car in fear of someone in the area seeing the two of us together.
My lover is married, as well as myself. I have been married for nearly 24 years and my lover approximately 20. We each have two children. Mine are 19 & 23 years old and his are 15 & 18. We both love our spouses, but yearn for each other every now and then.
We have talked about what it would have been like to have met each other prior to our spouses and know that we would have clicked and possibly gotten married. I really feel for this man as I know he does for me. Is it right to be feeling this way about another man, especially one that is married? I can't help my feelings, they're strong and sincere. Please help me decide what to do. I don't want to stop seeing him. I care for him too much.
Desparate in love
I am in a similiar situation. I am 41, married almost 20 years, 2 children 14 and 18, in love with a married man with 3 little children 8, 6, 4. He tells me his situation will probably never change. I don't want our relationship to stop.
Why can't this work? I know statistics are against me, but I still think it could work out.
Letter from a reader: I am not married, but divorced and have been with my current partner now for 15 years. I am having an affair with a married man. I met him in 1992 and have seen each other off and on since 1993. We have tried on more than one occassion to stop seeing each other and even tried to not have contact for 2 years, but it seems that we just can't stay away from one another. We recently started spending time together again a few months back. It is rare that we actually get to make love or be completely alone but it's ok. He loves his wife and I love my partner. We have also talked about the what ifs. What if we had met each other before our significant others. It just seems so unfair. He has no children and mine is 21.
Letter from a reader: I am in the same boat. im married 18 years and so is he.. theres no love at home for both of us.. we have a lot in common, love to be around each other. when we are not together we get a hold of one another to meet somewhere because we have to be with each other. we told each other feelings were not going to a factor but they are now.. its not just the sex it is the talking and just love bein with each other.. he has 2 kids and so do i, we talk about what it would be like if we were together.. i dont know if its love or infatuation. but right now it feels good!
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Today's date: Sun, 20 Apr 2014 10:16:10 +0200