she doesn't love me.

After almost 9 years of marriage my wife told me a few months ago that before we got married she had a relationship with someone else (who I knew). At first it didn't bother me that much but later I started piecing the timeline and the big picture together. She started seeing him before we engaged and I know for a fact she continued to see him after we were engaged.

After 4 years of marriage I started cheating on my wife. It had been 2 years since our first child and she lost all interest in sex. The affairs were purely sexual. I did not want a relationship. I needed sex and eventually paid prostitutes. We managed to deal with my infidelity but I am having a big problem dealing with hers.

She says it happended before we were married. It was an emotional relationship as well as sexual. I feel the whole marriage was based on a lie. I wouldn't have married her if I found this out. I am starting to suspect she doesn't love me and never did. How can you love someone and fuck someone else while you are engaged?

We talked about it and my wife doesn't want to hear it anymore. I can't stop thinking about this.